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Roulle — To Madmen
Published: 2008-02-06 01:32:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 710; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 24
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Description I am the mountain when my head is thrown back,
enormous and eroded, a fine fuzzy scenery
captured with paint thick as blood.

When I wait it is in an huge room
of fire, feet planted in coals
like barely-breathing trees.
There is an indiscriminate shimmer--
my limbs are gritty, not the whole.
Stomach a limited mirror, and skin
as smooth and reflective as a tongue.

Then you stand before my inanimate body
like a question. I would never have done it
had I known you, seen your face rippled
upon the jelly of my body, soft eyes
soft face of lines and shouts.
Every earthquake is when you stretch your
giant hand toward me. It kills many, but they die
terrified, gulping screams then water.
A silly floating parade down my spine.

You teach me to move backwards, spindly
as a two-dimensional snake. Imagined, flat,
muscles hard like unripened fruit.
and cover them like a fast-forward forest
and everything is dark. You,
not the enemy of mortality-- of caresses;
come of lesser assassins.
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Comments: 18

LesCheveux [2008-03-24 22:25:11 +0000 UTC]

Might I say that your streak of fabulous, flowing imagery was smited by the verb is?

"Every earthquake is when..."

I don't know, the rest of the piece seems to dictate that that verb shuold not sit alone in passive voice.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

wormboy67 [2008-02-26 09:13:29 +0000 UTC]

To me, this creates beautiful, yet indecypherable images in my mind.
The style is something I aspire to but I'm not sure why.
Personally, I think more clues need to be dropped as to the meaning of this piece
to create a more complete picture, although that could just be an airing of my
frustration at my inability to understand it fully myself lol.

Nicely done.

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paradoxicalshaman [2008-02-10 00:12:07 +0000 UTC]

When I wait it is in an huge room - comma after "wait"?

feet planted in coals
like barely-breathing trees
- the feet as trees? i love the idea of "barely-breathing trees", but i'm not quite seeing the connection between them and feet in coals

Stomach a limited mirror, and skin
as smooth and reflective as a tongue.
- i think this line is burned into my memory. awesome

Every earthquake is when you stretch your
giant hand toward me
- the syntax is a little confusing. "It's always an earthquake when..." perhaps? Just some clarification...

muscles hard like unripened fruit.
- i think another favourite metaphor...

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Roulle In reply to paradoxicalshaman [2008-02-10 02:53:07 +0000 UTC]

thank you for the feedback. the feet in coals like barely breathing trees just meant that trees in coal (as opposed to soil) don't get any nutrients, so it harms them, and coals also harm feet.

i should clarify that.

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paradoxicalshaman In reply to Roulle [2008-02-10 05:59:03 +0000 UTC]

ah!... that makes sense. thats a very cool idea.

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TheKingofFall [2008-02-07 01:48:28 +0000 UTC]

A bit too much pause in places.

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Roulle In reply to TheKingofFall [2008-02-07 01:58:25 +0000 UTC]

i'll have to work on that.

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paradoxicalshaman [2008-02-06 02:11:10 +0000 UTC]

hahahahaha

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Roulle In reply to paradoxicalshaman [2008-02-06 02:19:47 +0000 UTC]

er?

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ordie [2008-02-06 01:55:59 +0000 UTC]

I feel almost tempted to be a git and ask about the muffin and the concrete fishing platform.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Roulle In reply to ordie [2008-02-06 02:07:27 +0000 UTC]

it's mysterious,/i>

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ordie In reply to Roulle [2008-02-06 06:00:25 +0000 UTC]

you are nonsensical.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Roulle In reply to ordie [2008-02-06 06:04:53 +0000 UTC]

ara you a portuguese

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ordie In reply to Roulle [2008-02-06 06:08:06 +0000 UTC]

I will stop.

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LesCheveux In reply to ordie [2008-03-24 22:22:18 +0000 UTC]

portugese plz.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ordie In reply to LesCheveux [2008-03-25 03:42:49 +0000 UTC]

what a blatant bunch of nonsense, hair.

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KateVunza In reply to ordie [2012-06-02 17:43:24 +0000 UTC]

Hair... I think I get it. Now I'm inspired to write a similar poem about some random object. I can't wait to freak all my friends out... oh, wait, I have, like, three.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

LesCheveux In reply to ordie [2008-03-25 20:54:35 +0000 UTC]

hair = nonsense.

have we not been over this a few times?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0