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Description
CHAPTER 3

It has been just over 2 months since the accident that has changed Ella and Kurt's lives forever. Ella has been in the rehab unit for almost a month. Her recovery isn't going quite as quickly as she had hoped. Her cast was removed a few weeks ago and was switched out to a black plastic arm brace that is attached around her lower bicep and upper forearm, there is a large hinge around her elbow. The brace allows her some limited movement or can be locked in place depending on what she is doing. Ella hopes she will only need the plastic body brace for two more weeks. She is still experiencing weakness in the lower half of her body. She has not regained bowel or bladder control and she is not able to walk, but she is still hopeful that this will get better. Ella was able to see Kurt in person the day she was transferred to the rehab unit. They brought her in on the stretcher, although it was hard for them to really see each other she just felt better being in his presence.

Kurt is moving to the rehab unit today. Ella was able to convince the therapists to allow Kurt and Ella to share a room. As expected Kurt has not shown any sign of recovery. He has no movement or sensation from his chin down. He had surgery to perform a tracheostomy so he now has a tube protruding from his neck, that allows the ventilator to breath for him. He also had surgery to insert a g-tube through his stomach to provide nutrition. His halo was removed a week ago. Kurt thought getting it removed would be a relief, instead he has found it completely unsettling how his head kind of flops around like a rag dolls as he is moved, he has no way to control it. Kurt's stay at the hospital has been extended multiple times due to the UTIs he has been experiencing. The doctors have decided to remove the catheter and have him wear adult diapers instead, hoping to prevent the infections from occurring.   The one improvement in Kurt's life is he has been taught how to use a communication board, so now with assistance he can have a conversation versus only being able to answer yes or no.

Ella is sitting in her bed, resting after a long morning therapy. It is almost lunch time and she has already told the nurse she wants to eat in the room. She knows Kurt is scheduled to arrive sometime today and she wants to be there when he arrives. Ella is just about to drift asleep when she hears the sound of wheels and footsteps approaching her doorway. First one of the nurses walks in followed by a stretcher and two paramedics. Ella can see Kurt is strapped to the stretcher with a portable ventilator resting between his legs, the tubing snakes up his body and is connected at his throat. The nurse smiles at Ella, knowing she has been waiting anxiously for Kurt's arrival. Ella can see Kurt's arms strapped in place at his sides, his fingers are slightly curled and his wrists look slightly hyper extended. Ella watches as they move the stretcher next to Kurt's bed, undo the straps, and transfer him to the bed with a blanket that is under his body. Kurt’s head flops uncontrollably as he is moved to the bed. The nurse disconnects Kurt from the portable ventilator and connects him to the one in the room. The paramedics pack up their things and leave. Kurt is in a standard hospital gown, Ella is startled by how thin his legs have become in this short time, and even his feet look different, they are pointing down at an unnatural angle towards the bottom of the bed. Ella watches Kurt's hands flop around as the nurse lifts his arms and places them on pillows. Soon a flurry of nurses and therapists arrive, each introducing themselves to Kurt and welcoming him to the rehab unit. Kurt’s head falls uncontrollably to the side leaving him staring at the wall. Ella is trying to hold back tears, she is happy to have her fiance in the rooms with her, but the reality of how severely he was injured is starting to sink in. It doesn't even really seem like he is there, she watches as his chest rhythmically rises and falls with the ventilator. A nurse notices his head has fallen to the side, she grabs a different pillow, lifts his head and places it back on the pillow, trying to fluff up the sides to keep it in place. Ella wishes she could see Kurt's face and talk to him. It's something so simple that they took for granted before. Despite the nurse’s effort Kurt’s head falls to the side again.   Kurt wants to cry even the simple task of holding his own head up is now impossible for him, but he manages to hold back his tears trying to stay strong for Ella’s sake. The nurse goes out into the hallway and returns with a neck pillow, she walks up to Kurt. “Maybe the will help?” She lifts Kurt's head and places the pillow around his neck and asks Kurt, “Are you getting hungry, it's about lunch time?” Kurt looks at her confused he can’t feel if he is hungry or not. The nurse goes to the cabinet and pulls out a feeding tube bag and formula. She pours the liquid in the bag, and attaches to the feeding tube pump. Ella watches, not sure what to think, she hadn't really thought about how Kurt was eating these days. The nurse pulls up Kurt's gown revealing a diaper and the feeding tube protruding from his stomach. She connects the tube to the feeding tube bag and starts the machine. She covers Kurt back up with his gown and places a sheet over his body. “I will be back in a little while to check on you.”

The nurse checked if Ella needed anything before leaving the room. Now for the first time in 2 months they were actually alone together. Ella hadn't taken her eyes of Kurt from the moment he entered the room. Ella wished she could just get up and walk over to him. “I love you Kurt.” The only response is the mechanical sounds of the ventilator and the feeding tube pump. Kurt wonders why Ella doesn’t walk over to see him not realizing that she can’t. He just wants to see her beautiful face again as for now he is stuck staring at the ceiling.

Ella eats lunch while Kurt is visited by another therapist. Ella watches as they interact with him, asking yes or no questions and writing down notes. Ella's physical therapist arrives. “Hello!” She can see Ella is distracted as she keeps looking over to Kurt and suggests, “would you like to practice your standing over next to his bed?”

Ella moves faster than ever trying to pull herself to the edge of the bed as the Therapist grabs her wheelchair. “I will take that as a yes.” Ella wheels over to Kurt's bed, locks her brakes and grips the bed rail as the therapist helps steady her hips as she stands. Ella notices that not only have Kurt's legs and arms become thinner but so has his neck. For the first time she sees the tracheostomy close up, she can't help but stare for a minute before she looks in his eyes. “Hi” She says with a grin. Kurt smiles happy to see his fiancee’s beautiful face. He wishes he could talk to her. Ella attempts to hold herself up with one arm as she lovingly brushes Kurt's hair to the side of his face, she almost falls but her therapist catches her. “It’s so good to see you. Are you happy to be out of the hospital?”

Kurt blinks once, the hospital had been terrible especially after he had been moved from the ICU to the neurological ward there often times nurses would only come by once in a great while to change him or turn him and he would be stuck lying by himself in his room, not actually by himself as he had his roommate but he had apparently suffered a severe brain injury and was in a coma.

Ella's legs are beginning to shake, her therapist, Marilyn suggests she sit and rest for a minute and then stand again. Ella is sitting and resting when Kurt's speech therapist arrives carrying in a communication board. She greets everyone and explains how the communication board works to Ella before holding it up for Kurt to demonstrate.

Kurt blinks as she pointed at the various letters spelling out YOUDONTHAVETOSTAYWITHME. He didn’t want to ruin Ella’s life with his disability.

Ella, begins to cry when she realizes what he is spelling. She reflexively grabs his hand and squeezes it but then realizes he can't feel her grip. She pulls herself up, this time on her own and looks him in the eyes. She says in a determined tone. “I love you, and I will never leave you. This doesn't change anything between us.” Ella places her hand on his face.

Kurt begins to cry as well, he had thought that Ella wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. Through his tears he blinks to spell ILOVEYOU.

Ella wants to lean in and kiss him, but can't because of the body brace she still has on.   “I need to sit down again.” she says as she feels her legs about to give out from under her. As she sits in her wheelchair next to his bed the therapist relays what he is spelling to Ella.

Kurt blinks out WHYCANTYOUSTAYSTANDING. He wasn’t fully aware of Ella’s own issues since the accident he thought she would be better by now.

“My legs still aren't working right. I broke my back in the accident and it is still healing, I use a wheelchair most of the time but I'm working on standing and walking.” Ella tries to sound positive while telling Kurt the information. He has enough to worry about with his own injuries.

Kurt frowned and blinked out HOWMUCHLONGERTILYOUCANGOHOME. As always, he cared for Ella and loved her. As he blinked that out drool began to run down his face.

Ella tried to hold back tears as she watched Kurt’s therapist wipe drool from his mouth and cheek with a towel. She tried to sound normal as she replied, “My dad and uncle are working on remodeling our house, once it is fully handicap accessible and I am able to safely transfer myself I can continue my therapy from home. It should hopefully only be a few more weeks before the house is ready! And then whenever your doctor's give you the clearance you can move back with me. We might need some help at first but hopefully I will continue to heal and be able to take care of you on my own.”

Kurt frowned trying to hold back tears and blinked out BUTYOULLBEABLETOWALKAGAINRIGHT. His concern for Ella is visible on his face as he then blinked out DOYOUSTILLWANTTOMARRYME

Ella’s heart sank as the therapist spelled out what Kurt was asking. “Of course I still want to marry you! As for the walking, the doctors and therapists seem optimistic, we just need to take it one day at a time.” Ella wheeled herself up to Kurt’s bed and began to pull herself back up, she didn't like not being able to see his face while they talked. As she stood she brushed his hair back with her fingers once again. Some more drool snuck out the corner of his mouth, the therapist picked up the towel to wipe it but Ella gently grabbed it out of her hand and wiped the drool. “I know this isn't how we thought our life would be, but this accident doesn't change anything between us Ok! We will figure out a new future for us if we have to but the one thing that isn't going to change is us together forever.” Ella began to cry, she could no longer hold it back. Her therapist helped lower her back in her chair and handed her some tissues.

Kurt began to cry as well blinking out ILOVEYOU before blinking IMTIRED. Kurt was exhausted from being moved and everything else that had gone on today and was struggling to stay awake. Then, an alarm went off on his ventilator.

Ella panicked as the alarm sounded.”What's happening?!?” A nurse came into the room quickly as Kurt’s therapist assured Ella that it was normal and Kurt just needed some suctioning to clear his airway. The Nurse and therapist quickly put on gloves before turning on a machine and disconnecting the tubing from Kurt’s neck. Ella watched in horror as they threaded a small tube into the hole in his neck and thick mucus traveled up the tubing into the machine. The alarm continued to sound as they finished clearing the mucus and reattached the ventilator tubing yo his throat. “Is he ok?”

“This is completely normal, Kurt is unable to control his lungs so he can't cough up mucus like we can. He gets suctioned on a regular basis but sometimes the ventilator will let us know if he needs extra suctioning” the therapist walked over to Ella and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “He's really Ok, I know this must be hard to see for the first time but you will get use to it.”

Kurt laid there helplessly as the communication board had been taken away more drool running down his face.

The nurse grabbed different suction tubing and placed a hand on Kurt’s jaw line as she placed the suction straw in his mouth and suctioned some of the excess saliva. Then she grabbed the towel and wiped his mouth and cheek “Better get some rest, ok?” She said before turning his head slightly and placing the towel on the pillow to catch the drool as he slept.

Kurt blinked once and quickly drifted off to sleep

Ella backed her chair up as the nurse came around to her side of the bed and pulled Kurt’s limp body towards her while the therapist helped and slide a pillow behind his back. The Nurse then lifted his leg as another pillow was placed between his knees. Ella was amazed as they finished repositioning him that he stayed asleep the entire time. Marilyn helped Ella finish her therapy with some stretches before she left and just Ella and Kurt were in the room again.   Ella rolled up to his bed. Now able to see him even better than before. His body was right at eye level. She first studied his face, she could see two healing scabs from where the halo had been along with new scars on his face that must have been from hitting the pavement. Drool was already puddled out the corner of his mouth onto the towel that was pressed against his cheek. Ella looked past the tubing snaking out of his throat to the machine that was now keeping him alive. She placed her hand on his chest and felt it rhythmically rise and fall as the machine pumped air in and out of his lungs. Next she reached up to his hand resting on a pillow on his side. His fingers were somewhat stiff but as she lifted his hand up it flopped at his wrist. His skin had a slightly glossy look to it. She gently placed his hand back on the pillow and her hand bumped a hard object on his abdomen. She gently pulled the blanket down to his thighs and pulled his gown up to reveal the feeding tube port in his stomach. The feeding tube was still connected to the pump and a tan liquid was making its way from the bag into his stomach. She began to pull his gown back down but stopped as she glanced at his diaper. She sighed and looked down to her own diaper, how had this become their life. She pulled his gown down and the blanket back up and backed away from his bed.

Description
CHAPTER 3

It has been just over 2 months since the accident that has changed Ella and Kurt's lives forever. Ella has been in the rehab unit for almost a month. Her recovery isn't going quite as quickly as she had hoped. Her cast was removed a few weeks ago and was switched out to a black plastic arm brace that is attached around her lower bicep and upper forearm, there is a large hinge around her elbow. The brace allows her some limited movement or can be locked in place depending on what she is doing. Ella hopes she will only need the plastic body brace for two more weeks. She is still experiencing weakness in the lower half of her body. She has not regained bowel or bladder control and she is not able to walk, but she is still hopeful that this will get better. Ella was able to see Kurt in person the day she was transferred to the rehab unit. They brought her in on the stretcher, although it was hard for them to really see each other she just felt better being in his presence.

Kurt is moving to the rehab unit today. Ella was able to convince the therapists to allow Kurt and Ella to share a room. As expected Kurt has not shown any sign of recovery. He has no movement or sensation from his chin down. He had surgery to perform a tracheostomy so he now has a tube protruding from his neck, that allows the ventilator to breath for him. He also had surgery to insert a g-tube through his stomach to provide nutrition. His halo was removed a week ago. Kurt thought getting it removed would be a relief, instead he has found it completely unsettling how his head kind of flops around like a rag dolls as he is moved, he has no way to control it. Kurt's stay at the hospital has been extended multiple times due to the UTIs he has been experiencing. The doctors have decided to remove the catheter and have him wear adult diapers instead, hoping to prevent the infections from occurring.   The one improvement in Kurt's life is he has been taught how to use a communication board, so now with assistance he can have a conversation versus only being able to answer yes or no.

Ella is sitting in her bed, resting after a long morning therapy. It is almost lunch time and she has already told the nurse she wants to eat in the room. She knows Kurt is scheduled to arrive sometime today and she wants to be there when he arrives. Ella is just about to drift asleep when she hears the sound of wheels and footsteps approaching her doorway. First one of the nurses walks in followed by a stretcher and two paramedics. Ella can see Kurt is strapped to the stretcher with a portable ventilator resting between his legs, the tubing snakes up his body and is connected at his throat. The nurse smiles at Ella, knowing she has been waiting anxiously for Kurt's arrival. Ella can see Kurt's arms strapped in place at his sides, his fingers are slightly curled and his wrists look slightly hyper extended. Ella watches as they move the stretcher next to Kurt's bed, undo the straps, and transfer him to the bed with a blanket that is under his body. Kurt’s head flops uncontrollably as he is moved to the bed. The nurse disconnects Kurt from the portable ventilator and connects him to the one in the room. The paramedics pack up their things and leave. Kurt is in a standard hospital gown, Ella is startled by how thin his legs have become in this short time, and even his feet look different, they are pointing down at an unnatural angle towards the bottom of the bed. Ella watches Kurt's hands flop around as the nurse lifts his arms and places them on pillows. Soon a flurry of nurses and therapists arrive, each introducing themselves to Kurt and welcoming him to the rehab unit. Kurt’s head falls uncontrollably to the side leaving him staring at the wall. Ella is trying to hold back tears, she is happy to have her fiance in the rooms with her, but the reality of how severely he was injured is starting to sink in. It doesn't even really seem like he is there, she watches as his chest rhythmically rises and falls with the ventilator. A nurse notices his head has fallen to the side, she grabs a different pillow, lifts his head and places it back on the pillow, trying to fluff up the sides to keep it in place. Ella wishes she could see Kurt's face and talk to him. It's something so simple that they took for granted before. Despite the nurse’s effort Kurt’s head falls to the side again.   Kurt wants to cry even the simple task of holding his own head up is now impossible for him, but he manages to hold back his tears trying to stay strong for Ella’s sake. The nurse goes out into the hallway and returns with a neck pillow, she walks up to Kurt. “Maybe the will help?” She lifts Kurt's head and places the pillow around his neck and asks Kurt, “Are you getting hungry, it's about lunch time?” Kurt looks at her confused he can’t feel if he is hungry or not. The nurse goes to the cabinet and pulls out a feeding tube bag and formula. She pours the liquid in the bag, and attaches to the feeding tube pump. Ella watches, not sure what to think, she hadn't really thought about how Kurt was eating these days. The nurse pulls up Kurt's gown revealing a diaper and the feeding tube protruding from his stomach. She connects the tube to the feeding tube bag and starts the machine. She covers Kurt back up with his gown and places a sheet over his body. “I will be back in a little while to check on you.”

The nurse checked if Ella needed anything before leaving the room. Now for the first time in 2 months they were actually alone together. Ella hadn't taken her eyes of Kurt from the moment he entered the room. Ella wished she could just get up and walk over to him. “I love you Kurt.” The only response is the mechanical sounds of the ventilator and the feeding tube pump. Kurt wonders why Ella doesn’t walk over to see him not realizing that she can’t. He just wants to see her beautiful face again as for now he is stuck staring at the ceiling.

Ella eats lunch while Kurt is visited by another therapist. Ella watches as they interact with him, asking yes or no questions and writing down notes. Ella's physical therapist arrives. “Hello!” She can see Ella is distracted as she keeps looking over to Kurt and suggests, “would you like to practice your standing over next to his bed?”

Ella moves faster than ever trying to pull herself to the edge of the bed as the Therapist grabs her wheelchair. “I will take that as a yes.” Ella wheels over to Kurt's bed, locks her brakes and grips the bed rail as the therapist helps steady her hips as she stands. Ella notices that not only have Kurt's legs and arms become thinner but so has his neck. For the first time she sees the tracheostomy close up, she can't help but stare for a minute before she looks in his eyes. “Hi” She says with a grin. Kurt smiles happy to see his fiancee’s beautiful face. He wishes he could talk to her. Ella attempts to hold herself up with one arm as she lovingly brushes Kurt's hair to the side of his face, she almost falls but her therapist catches her. “It’s so good to see you. Are you happy to be out of the hospital?”

Kurt blinks once, the hospital had been terrible especially after he had been moved from the ICU to the neurological ward there often times nurses would only come by once in a great while to change him or turn him and he would be stuck lying by himself in his room, not actually by himself as he had his roommate but he had apparently suffered a severe brain injury and was in a coma.

Ella's legs are beginning to shake, her therapist, Marilyn suggests she sit and rest for a minute and then stand again. Ella is sitting and resting when Kurt's speech therapist arrives carrying in a communication board. She greets everyone and explains how the communication board works to Ella before holding it up for Kurt to demonstrate.

Kurt blinks as she pointed at the various letters spelling out YOUDONTHAVETOSTAYWITHME. He didn’t want to ruin Ella’s life with his disability.

Ella, begins to cry when she realizes what he is spelling. She reflexively grabs his hand and squeezes it but then realizes he can't feel her grip. She pulls herself up, this time on her own and looks him in the eyes. She says in a determined tone. “I love you, and I will never leave you. This doesn't change anything between us.” Ella places her hand on his face.

Kurt begins to cry as well, he had thought that Ella wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. Through his tears he blinks to spell ILOVEYOU.

Ella wants to lean in and kiss him, but can't because of the body brace she still has on.   “I need to sit down again.” she says as she feels her legs about to give out from under her. As she sits in her wheelchair next to his bed the therapist relays what he is spelling to Ella.

Kurt blinks out WHYCANTYOUSTAYSTANDING. He wasn’t fully aware of Ella’s own issues since the accident he thought she would be better by now.

“My legs still aren't working right. I broke my back in the accident and it is still healing, I use a wheelchair most of the time but I'm working on standing and walking.” Ella tries to sound positive while telling Kurt the information. He has enough to worry about with his own injuries.

Kurt frowned and blinked out HOWMUCHLONGERTILYOUCANGOHOME. As always, he cared for Ella and loved her. As he blinked that out drool began to run down his face.

Ella tried to hold back tears as she watched Kurt’s therapist wipe drool from his mouth and cheek with a towel. She tried to sound normal as she replied, “My dad and uncle are working on remodeling our house, once it is fully handicap accessible and I am able to safely transfer myself I can continue my therapy from home. It should hopefully only be a few more weeks before the house is ready! And then whenever your doctor's give you the clearance you can move back with me. We might need some help at first but hopefully I will continue to heal and be able to take care of you on my own.”

Kurt frowned trying to hold back tears and blinked out BUTYOULLBEABLETOWALKAGAINRIGHT. His concern for Ella is visible on his face as he then blinked out DOYOUSTILLWANTTOMARRYME

Ella’s heart sank as the therapist spelled out what Kurt was asking. “Of course I still want to marry you! As for the walking, the doctors and therapists seem optimistic, we just need to take it one day at a time.” Ella wheeled herself up to Kurt’s bed and began to pull herself back up, she didn't like not being able to see his face while they talked. As she stood she brushed his hair back with her fingers once again. Some more drool snuck out the corner of his mouth, the therapist picked up the towel to wipe it but Ella gently grabbed it out of her hand and wiped the drool. “I know this isn't how we thought our life would be, but this accident doesn't change anything between us Ok! We will figure out a new future for us if we have to but the one thing that isn't going to change is us together forever.” Ella began to cry, she could no longer hold it back. Her therapist helped lower her back in her chair and handed her some tissues.

Kurt began to cry as well blinking out ILOVEYOU before blinking IMTIRED. Kurt was exhausted from being moved and everything else that had gone on today and was struggling to stay awake. Then, an alarm went off on his ventilator.

Ella panicked as the alarm sounded.”What's happening?!?” A nurse came into the room quickly as Kurt’s therapist assured Ella that it was normal and Kurt just needed some suctioning to clear his airway. The Nurse and therapist quickly put on gloves before turning on a machine and disconnecting the tubing from Kurt’s neck. Ella watched in horror as they threaded a small tube into the hole in his neck and thick mucus traveled up the tubing into the machine. The alarm continued to sound as they finished clearing the mucus and reattached the ventilator tubing yo his throat. “Is he ok?”

“This is completely normal, Kurt is unable to control his lungs so he can't cough up mucus like we can. He gets suctioned on a regular basis but sometimes the ventilator will let us know if he needs extra suctioning” the therapist walked over to Ella and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “He's really Ok, I know this must be hard to see for the first time but you will get use to it.”

Kurt laid there helplessly as the communication board had been taken away more drool running down his face.

The nurse grabbed different suction tubing and placed a hand on Kurt’s jaw line as she placed the suction straw in his mouth and suctioned some of the excess saliva. Then she grabbed the towel and wiped his mouth and cheek “Better get some rest, ok?” She said before turning his head slightly and placing the towel on the pillow to catch the drool as he slept.

Kurt blinked once and quickly drifted off to sleep

Ella backed her chair up as the nurse came around to her side of the bed and pulled Kurt’s limp body towards her while the therapist helped and slide a pillow behind his back. The Nurse then lifted his leg as another pillow was placed between his knees. Ella was amazed as they finished repositioning him that he stayed asleep the entire time. Marilyn helped Ella finish her therapy with some stretches before she left and just Ella and Kurt were in the room again.   Ella rolled up to his bed. Now able to see him even better than before. His body was right at eye level. She first studied his face, she could see two healing scabs from where the halo had been along with new scars on his face that must have been from hitting the pavement. Drool was already puddled out the corner of his mouth onto the towel that was pressed against his cheek. Ella looked past the tubing snaking out of his throat to the machine that was now keeping him alive. She placed her hand on his chest and felt it rhythmically rise and fall as the machine pumped air in and out of his lungs. Next she reached up to his hand resting on a pillow on his side. His fingers were somewhat stiff but as she lifted his hand up it flopped at his wrist. His skin had a slightly glossy look to it. She gently placed his hand back on the pillow and her hand bumped a hard object on his abdomen. She gently pulled the blanket down to his thighs and pulled his gown up to reveal the feeding tube port in his stomach. The feeding tube was still connected to the pump and a tan liquid was making its way from the bag into his stomach. She began to pull his gown back down but stopped as she glanced at his diaper. She sighed and looked down to her own diaper, how had this become their life. She pulled his gown down and the blanket back up and backed away from his bed.