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saartha —
Soft
Published: 2009-09-06 01:15:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 9284; Favourites: 153; Downloads: 31
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Description
The rain comes infrom the mountainside
and the musculature
quietens. The birds, the beasts,
the slanting cliff,
the light, the restless
hollowed emptiness,
the bits of lava and bits
of heartbeat and bits of
racing animal mind.
It quietens.
The rain comes in like a slow blink.
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Comments: 60
I was so surprised when I woke up yesterday 
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I feel as if I am at lodge looking out of the window to see the wonderful lush valley in between mountains. It is such a relaxing sight to even think about. But why did I suddenly think of a volcano eruption when I came to the word 'lava'?
Congratulations on the DD!!
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Your image isn't too far from the truth. This is the area my university is situated in, which is the image I was thinking of when writing this poem: [link] [link] It's on a mountain, but fortunately not the erupting type. When I was using 'lava', I was really talking about blood/life. I would hate to have to take this poem more literally 
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i love it because it makes me feel and see what your saying
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I can't ask for more than that
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I am in love with intransitive verbs like quieten. (At least, I think they are called intransitive verbs). I seem to use them a lot these days, though especially with colors.
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The title is perfect! Lovely writing! congrats on your DD.
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I remember it took me absolute AGES to get the title right. Thanks so much
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"The rain comes in like a slow blink."
Cool imagery
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It was a soothing moment. Thank you
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I don't know how you did what you did, or in fact what you did, but you did it and it was beautiful.
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I feel that way about most poetry. Terrible hobby, in a way. Thank you
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Haha, I'll take that to mean you enjoyed it
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Beautiful, it has the feeling of a warm blanket on a rainy sunday.
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Gotta love that feeling. I'm still quite fond of this one.
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Congratulations on the DD! It is well-deserved.
I love your idea of nature as a body. Wish I could have some of that rain.
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It really was lovely, I'll tell you that. Thank you
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I'm glad you enjoyed i.t
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As am I. When I have some more time, I plan on reading more of your work.
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Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered. [link]
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I remember this piece well.
Congratulations on your DD!
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I wasn't expecting it, so it was a nice thing to wake up to this morning. Thanks
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This is brilliant!!! Great, brilliant, wonderful, awesome job!
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Lovely, lovely. Congratulations on your DD! So well deserved.
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Not what I was expecting when I woke up this morning! Thank you so much
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You completely deserve it! And it was a pleasure, reading your poem.
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That last line is fantastic. The poem says so much with so little.
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I wrote this during the first rainstorm I experienced in Morocco, when I was still all star-struck about being here. It's still one of my favorite pieces--or, at the very least, one of my calmest pieces.
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Incredibly eloquent - I really enjoy the atmosphere you've created here. I envision something like a smoldering caldera right after an eruption, complete with a thin layer of fog near the cooling ground.
I do have one small suggestion: in the second strophe, I think you could lose the second "the" without hurting the image, and it might add a touch more dissonance to the piece - create a little more tug.
and the musculature
quietens. The birds, beasts,
the slanting cliff
To me, it reads a little easier, especially since there are so many articles in the list already, and since it's such a concise piece, every word should add weight to the poem.
Don't get me wrong, though; this is still a highly enjoyable read. Your use of language is intoxicating.
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Huuhhhh. I've never thought about taking that article out. Sounds pretty damn good on a first read-through. Makes the visual length of that line look a little less out of place, too. I do believe you're right.
Thank you for the critique and compliments, I truly appreciate it
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Okay...reading your second piece, I'm convinced I'm in love with your use of language...head over heels....WOW!
Your sense of atmosphere is breathtaking...
THANK YOU for sharing
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