ArmorFelix2012 [2018-11-07 19:08:16 +0000 UTC]

now that the sun has broken 

off its egg-tooth and claimed its zenith so hotly, 
flamboyantly self important?

I get the sense that this should be a pivot point of contrast to the menagerie of potentially pagan animals. The ground-dwelling ones come through especially strong as roots, though I'm somewhat wondering why the flighty ones came as an opening "wave." You use a block arrangement in the couplets, like a centurion formation-- but why not a rayed pattern, like an asterisk I feel as if a more exotic concrete or visual poem would be of great help here.

now that the sun has broken 

off its egg-tooth and claimed its zenith so hotly

For me, this conjures up an apocalyptic image-- it comes through fine in that way, though I'm not a fan of the abstraction "flamboyantly self important." It's asked as a question, yet interferes with us drawing our own conclusion. I feel as if it's a placeholder for a different image: the smashing of a tincture on a gravestone, the christening of a ship with alcohol, etc.

A very rich poem to be sure-- just doing my instinctual first-impressions here. You certainly have a winner in "An applause of bats", it's an economical tether for the opener, bringing to mind how certain alphabetic poems will hang together. Also enjoyable is how your stag nestles down for the closing scene, the ending seems to be all figured out and settled down-- though, hmm, perhaps some of your previous deployments (the tendrils) could be longer? I often encounter the same issue where I'll have this tapestry of ideas, so I'll have to experiment with where I should add weight, and where the focal points should lay.

I will say "witches by the broomful" is cute, but it seems a little too easy What if you could get away without using witches at all, instead bringing into view "cyclopean mother of owls"? I nearly missed this stately and resonating name within the enjambment  You could keep the passage whole instead, much as the brusque Charles Bukowski would.

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xlntwtch [2018-11-03 20:26:14 +0000 UTC]

It makes me think of politics. To be honest, everything makes me think of politics lately, so that's that. I don't know what the challenge was, but I see a naturalist in the land of a "nationalist" - a shadow gone with the sunrise, wonderfully described (both sun and shadow). I like it.

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