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Description
To some who know how it feels as if they are in a pit of despair, that those who have had those closest to them break their hearts, their trusts and take advantage of others because to some they think that they're in the right and have no remorse for others.
Till now it has taken me time to try and overcome my pain and heartbreak from a year ago. In a way it feels as if about 26 years have been a waste on my life, that I should have tried to make something of myself and push away but the doubt and nagging feeling that I would be causing pain. That I am always wrong and am incapable of doing anything right. Because no matter the amount of insults or actions thrown I had in the smallest part of my heart and soul thought that the person truly loved me. Only even after being kicked out of what was suppose to be my home that became my living hell. Being told I make the person feel ill when in fact they are their own living illness even as they develop an illness which got cured, however the personality is still the same. Nothing for that person will ever change.

Now I find it to be an irony as I have tried to cut contacts with them completely. I am now trying to learn not to be too nice as it has been one of my strengths to be compassionate despite their shortcomings as we all have our faults. However it has also been my weakness as this person and many others have taken advantage and ruined me to the point of having next to no trust, leaving me with paranoia, severe anxiety and depression. As a result has left me in tatters and with panic attacks. Being in and out of therapy over the years and then despite the small circle I felt as if I was at the end of my rope, it felt as if no one could understand me and I kept feeling lost and lonely. That no one was there to answer my screams no matter how loud I scream. Only despite being in a cold void I slowly try to move one foot in front of the other, I know that even though I keep hitting rock bottom or keep myself belly up to avoid conflict, it is wrong and I need to be stronger. It doesn't mean to harden my heart and be cruel but it means not to allow rubbish to be thrown at me constantly and take it. Thinking that it will get better. There will always be those who ruin and mess you up to the point of wanting to die but my advice, despite the trash that hit me I know there is light I just need to see. And if I can't see it I will feel it.
Despite the void, even if it continues to swallow you whole just look away. It's not worth destroying yourself as it only makes the jerks who hurt you continue until there is nothing left but shattered pieces and even then they won't stop.
There is a limit, don't let them get on that bottom line
Don't give up and leave yourself in regrets
Be brave
Be strong
Every day is a new chapter
And Tomorrow is another day

Happy New Lunar Year,
May you all be blessed with good fortune and new beginnings.

Description
To some who know how it feels as if they are in a pit of despair, that those who have had those closest to them break their hearts, their trusts and take advantage of others because to some they think that they're in the right and have no remorse for others.
Till now it has taken me time to try and overcome my pain and heartbreak from a year ago. In a way it feels as if about 26 years have been a waste on my life, that I should have tried to make something of myself and push away but the doubt and nagging feeling that I would be causing pain. That I am always wrong and am incapable of doing anything right. Because no matter the amount of insults or actions thrown I had in the smallest part of my heart and soul thought that the person truly loved me. Only even after being kicked out of what was suppose to be my home that became my living hell. Being told I make the person feel ill when in fact they are their own living illness even as they develop an illness which got cured, however the personality is still the same. Nothing for that person will ever change.

Now I find it to be an irony as I have tried to cut contacts with them completely. I am now trying to learn not to be too nice as it has been one of my strengths to be compassionate despite their shortcomings as we all have our faults. However it has also been my weakness as this person and many others have taken advantage and ruined me to the point of having next to no trust, leaving me with paranoia, severe anxiety and depression. As a result has left me in tatters and with panic attacks. Being in and out of therapy over the years and then despite the small circle I felt as if I was at the end of my rope, it felt as if no one could understand me and I kept feeling lost and lonely. That no one was there to answer my screams no matter how loud I scream. Only despite being in a cold void I slowly try to move one foot in front of the other, I know that even though I keep hitting rock bottom or keep myself belly up to avoid conflict, it is wrong and I need to be stronger. It doesn't mean to harden my heart and be cruel but it means not to allow rubbish to be thrown at me constantly and take it. Thinking that it will get better. There will always be those who ruin and mess you up to the point of wanting to die but my advice, despite the trash that hit me I know there is light I just need to see. And if I can't see it I will feel it.
Despite the void, even if it continues to swallow you whole just look away. It's not worth destroying yourself as it only makes the jerks who hurt you continue until there is nothing left but shattered pieces and even then they won't stop.
There is a limit, don't let them get on that bottom line
Don't give up and leave yourself in regrets
Be brave
Be strong
Every day is a new chapter
And Tomorrow is another day

Happy New Lunar Year,
May you all be blessed with good fortune and new beginnings.