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SapphireTheHedgekid — baby mouse pt 1
Published: 2011-05-22 20:21:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 1015; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 25
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Description It was a day like any other. Mickey had just got home from job and his wife, Minnie was knitting him a sweater.
   Minnie looked down at her rather large belly and muttered," Hi Mickey how was your day at work?"
   placing a hand on his lover's firm stomach, Mickey whispered," just fine my love. Has the baby been more active lately?"
just then the baby kicked to answer Mickey's question.  
  Giggling Minnie said," what do you think? OH!" a sharp pain made its self known in her stomach.
  Mickey look at his wife in confusion," what's the matter mins?"
  Nearly yelling her reply," Mick I think it's time!" with that Mickey turned pale and fainted. Minnie kneels down to revive her husband even though she was in pain. She knew this was going to be a long night.
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Comments: 18

ImXDragon [2011-05-23 18:23:45 +0000 UTC]

It's really cool so far Sapphire :3 I can't wait to see how it turns out!

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SapphireTheHedgekid In reply to ImXDragon [2011-05-23 18:25:17 +0000 UTC]

thanks remorse!

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dnxlightangel [2011-05-23 05:10:43 +0000 UTC]

AWWW CUTE!!!!!!!!

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SapphireTheHedgekid In reply to dnxlightangel [2011-05-23 12:22:23 +0000 UTC]

thanks.....i need help i am having major wrighting block!

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dnxlightangel In reply to SapphireTheHedgekid [2011-05-23 13:27:17 +0000 UTC]

just go with the flow i swear i am not the best fanfiction writer but whatever you feel with your gut you go with it ( i know it sounds gross HAHAHHAA) but from what you shown me you have great potential for story writing ^u^ (more than me *nods head*)if you have to spit ideas on a paper then circle main ideas you like and but circumstances or small details explaining things why and what something or anything to get you started ^U^

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SapphireTheHedgekid In reply to dnxlightangel [2011-05-23 13:50:32 +0000 UTC]

ok thanks. ^w^

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dnxlightangel In reply to SapphireTheHedgekid [2011-05-23 14:16:17 +0000 UTC]

YOUR WELCOME ^U^

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SapphireTheHedgekid In reply to dnxlightangel [2011-05-23 17:51:44 +0000 UTC]

omg! i am over coming the block! look! [link]

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dnxlightangel In reply to SapphireTheHedgekid [2011-05-24 12:58:26 +0000 UTC]

Read it and Loved it XD

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SapphireTheHedgekid In reply to dnxlightangel [2011-05-24 15:14:54 +0000 UTC]

^w^

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princessofDisney27 [2011-05-22 21:14:02 +0000 UTC]

haha poor mickey he fainted XD

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SapphireTheHedgekid In reply to princessofDisney27 [2011-05-22 21:21:16 +0000 UTC]

XD poor mickey? minnie is in labor! XD

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princessofDisney27 In reply to SapphireTheHedgekid [2011-05-22 21:26:36 +0000 UTC]

hahaha XD

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42Water42 [2011-05-22 20:58:03 +0000 UTC]

It's really cute ^^

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SapphireTheHedgekid In reply to 42Water42 [2011-05-22 20:58:32 +0000 UTC]

thanks! ^^

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hypermegatailsfan [2011-05-22 20:45:50 +0000 UTC]

Cute idea to go with, and it is a fun twist to start off with the exact time of birth itself. However, I do have some recommendations.

- Paragraph breaks when someone else speaks. It helps readers better tell who is speaking.
- There's no such thing as too much description. See if you can't describe as much as you can with everything... their home, what they're wearing, how he faints, what kind of pain she's experiencing, etc.

Along with some obvious errors, like not capitalizing when you should, this does have good potential. I do like that Minnie is doing something very typically her, knitting, and the affectionate nicknames for each other.

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SapphireTheHedgekid In reply to hypermegatailsfan [2011-05-23 17:31:57 +0000 UTC]

[link]

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SapphireTheHedgekid In reply to hypermegatailsfan [2011-05-22 20:48:35 +0000 UTC]

ok i'll try again and try to make the next one better. ^w^

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