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Sassaboo — Tomorrow
Published: 2011-09-23 20:24:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 704; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 0
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This is dedicated to my close friend, John/Kazu. There is not a day that passes that you don't cross my mind. I hope you've finally found peace and happiness. R.I.P.Suicide has been a big part of my life for years. Starting when I found out my father killed himself. I was 12 and still didn't know better and was confused with it. Though, I still loved my dad and wish I knew him. In high school I started to fall into a deep depression, leading to an attempt of suicide. The group of friends I was in wasn't very helpful on the matter. We all were in our own world, some of us, hurt ourselves and others stood by and watched. At that time, it was a "normal" thing, and something that our group had accepted as such. About 2 weeks after I got out of the hospital for my first attempt. Kazu committed suicide. It shocked everyone. He was not the one in the group that fell into that nasty pattern. He was the one that always had a smile, always reaching out a hand and saying that things get better. To this day, it is still hard for me to accept his death. I like to pretend that it didn't happen, but every year on this day the memories come back. The memory of being told he killed himself is burned into my mind, and makes me cry everytime. Kazu really was the best person I've ever met. I would trade my life any day for his. Its hard for me to accept that the best people are the ones that leave us. I miss him more than anything, and every year that passes it seems like it doesn't get better, and the pain doesn't lessen.
Originally I wanted to do a pieace that was rather depressing, dark, and empty, but I realized that it would be wrong of me to do that in memory of Kazu. So I did this. A pieace of being on the dark side but looking up to the light. Stepping back into a world where it is better. I haven't been able to find peace yet with Kazu, and I don't know when I will or if I ever will, but I know that the sun will always rise the next day. Life not be great now, but it will get better. I just have to find it. When I do, I know that Kazu will be there waiting for me in spirit.
The following are lyrics to a song by Avril Lavigne, a song that Kazu and I shared through the hard times I had.
And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't
When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...
I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day
It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't
Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...
I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow
And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...
Tomorrow it may change
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Comments: 12
It isn't directly commenting on the artwork, but I really wanted to comment in the hopes that someone else might be helped if they see what we both have written.
I think that, for most of us as kids in high school, we don't really understand suicide. It is, more often then not, just something we have read in a book or a lesson we slept through in health class. We know that it exists, and that people do it, but we don't every really think that anyone WE know will kill themselves. Even if we do understand that we probably do know someone who is considering it, we aren't really taught what signs to look for. So unless a friend comes right out and says something, it can be hard to tell that there is a problem.
So when a friend does kill themselves, we don't have the capability to respond in a healthy manner. Some of us close in on ourselves. Others break down and can no longer cope with simpler problems in life. Yet others get angry, and take their anger out on themselves or others.
I'm not sure about anyone else, but for me personally, and I think for many of the people in our high school friend group, this was a lot of the problem. None of us knew what to look for, or how to help one another once our friend died. So we were all left struggling separately, trying to band-aid our own wounds the best we could.
In a very very round about way, what I mean to say is that we need to make an effort to learn what the warning signs are, beyond the simple stuff taught in ourhigh school health classes, and we need to learn how to help someone get through that time in their life, because telling an adult or a teacher isn't always the best way to go about it. And we need to help teach others the same.
Don't let suicide be a taboo topic.
*Side Note: You've gotten a lot better. Art wise, I mean.*
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I too hope that this will also help someone. And thank you for the art compliment
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that is so beautiful and sad and minus the suicide part i know exactly how you feel and where you are coming from hun -hug- im in a place like that myself right now
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