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Description
Two months passed by and it was now September at court. It was only the first day of it and so the whether was dry yet crisp and fresh.
Things had fallen nicely into place at court. The queen had arrived with the rest of the people and was shown her own rooms, far from my own and the king's. She had three bedrooms and a sitting room to herself; they were nice but then again so were mine.
Of course there were other rooms that were considered hers for her ladies all needed a place to sleep as well.
I have not seen the king and her speak one word since there arrival and I was fine with that. She had given up her fight, though not completely surrendered for she still sat on her throne everyday.
The king had me most nights and I had grown to actually enjoy making love though it still was a bit painful. I was acknowledged as the king's mistress now and I had a large circle of friends that were like my own small court.
I adored my ever growing role as unofficial queen yet I missed those carefree days out in the country with Esme. Alice and Rosalie have that I have a glow about me now that I was no longer a virgin.
Alice has been urging me very strongly recently as her and Jasper's love grew harder to cover from the court. I have told her there is nothing I can do unless there is something that will rid him from the queen.
The war is at a standstill. There is no fighting there is just negotiating. The soldiers are still waiting at battlefields for the call to attack once more and the navy is ready to weaken Spain's fleet.
My father has been named an ambassador and is often away at business. He has been to the French court along with to try and work out the differences but they refuse to see anybody from England.
Charlie was only given to place at court for I was in the king's complete favor and in his bed as well. Emmett has been granted knight ship from the king and my uncle is rumored to become an Earl if there is a place for him. Emmett is the king's closest advisor but yet he can see that Edward doesn't fully trust him.
I have been with the king every chance that I have gotten. This summer has proved to be extremely beautiful. There has been tennis, archery, picnics, playing at the bowls, jousting tournaments, hunts and many horse rides. The king had ordered a cushion like his mother's for me to sit on the horse with so we could be close.
Esme and I have continued our writing, though she was no longer given me suggestions for she was confident that I would be queen by the next time she would see me. So instead we chattered about irrelevant things or the ridge this time of year.
The journal that she had given me already has pages of ink that I wrote with covering them. I have taken to going out to the study and facing outside when I write about my thoughts or something Edward had said or done.
Dipping my quill in ink once more I then wrote the closing sentence of that page where I had written about Jasper and Alice. I sighed in contentment while shutting the leather book closed. I leaned back in my chair and watched little birds fly around the open window.
"Deep in thought?" I turned around to see the king coming out of the door right next to mine with his own key, for that room was still abandoned.
"Perhaps," I answered as he sat in the chair next to mine and I brought the book down to my lap.
"I think Miss Rosalie is getting exhausted from me always sneaking in here," The king chuckled in amusement; I shrugged with an amused smile though it was an agreement.
"Miss Mary Alice never seems to be in here though, where ever would she be?" He questioned. I bit my tongue and thought of answer that did not involve the duke.
"It is difficult to say, she is such a gay person; always flittering around court," I said with a fond smile, for what I said was true about my sister. Though in her case, flittering around court meant being with Jasper.
"I have noticed that," Edward said as he leaned back in his own chair and looked out the window, the autumn breeze tickled with its heat yet refreshing wind.
"What brings you here?" I asked him, after I had realized the first thing he had said was about Rose.
"Lady Alyssa is pregnant; Simon Colt just spoke to me," his voice was level and was not leaking with any emotion whatsoever.
"I shall have to congratulate her," I said quietly, though I could tell that was not where Edward's thoughts were.
"May I ask you something Your Grace?" I asked him after he had not said anything in reply.
"It is Edward in private, and yes you may," He grinned a little at me but no light reached his eyes like it normally might have.
"If I were to be carrying your child what would happen to it, especially a boy?" I asked him while I spoke softly. His head whipped towards mine; I inwardly sighed.
"Why do you ask? Are you expecting?" He asked me cautiously and I was glad; I did not want his hopes up though I was sure it would happen eventually.
"I am not; not that I know of. But it is very likely that I will be and you will still be married to the queen," I had wondered about this before.
"I am trying my hardest to get out of this God forsaken marriage. There is no loop hole right now, I have over twenty lawyers working on it," Edward was clearly frustrated from the way he was running his hand through his hair.
"So it would just be your bastard," I sighed, it was not a question it was a fact. I was an unmarried woman, I could not dream of what would happen to me if the king lost interest after I gave him children.
"Unfortunately," He stated miserably. I put my elbow up on the table and propped chin on it, staring out the window.
"I shall see you tonight," The king said before rising from his seat and leaving through the door he came from.
I then realized that my respect was slipping and I was becoming to comfortable with Edward, I never curtsy when we are in private. I don't fall at his feet like others might have. He was just Edward to me, not the king.
Sighing, I stood from my chair and gathered my few things before heading back into my room to have dinner with Rosalie and Alice.
That night after the king and I had made love he had fallen asleep with me curled up in his embrace. I lay awake in the dark, staring at the top of the canopy bed, thinking of all that's going on around me; not at this moment but at court in general.
I could see Alice and Jasper were nearly dying to have some kind of contact and to not have to be meeting in secret. The duke was in our sitting room with Alice just as much as I was in the king's bed.
Understanding their need for each other I have been trying more, but I don't honestly know what I'm trying to do. Well I am aware what I would like to happen but I am unsure on how to rid the court of the queen.
As I lay in the soft bed thinking about these things Edward's breath started to pick up so that it was heavy on my neck. I thought nothing of it until he started to grimace and make pained faces in his sleep.
His body started to sweat and then it was lightly moving back and forth. I squirmed out of his arms and look over at the man lying next to me. It seemed as if he was having a nightmare.
While I silently debated on whether or not to gently shake him awake he shot up out of bed and I could sworn I saw tears on his cheeks. It seemed as if he did not notice me for he rose from his bed and threw is robe over his shoulders.
I sat up while my eyes followed him across the room where he started to poke at the fire, though I was unsure why, it was very warm in here.
Edward then collapsed onto the rug by the fire and his head sank down into his hands. Concerned, I rose from the bed and threw my light robe over my naked body and tentatively walked near him.
"Edward?" I asked softly. Surely he was awake; I have never seen anyone possessed by their dreams.
He did not move from his spot but his breathing became lighter then the heavy panting from before. I walked over to him and he reached on of his hands out without raising his head and took mine.
I sat down on the floor next to him and he pulled me close to the side of his body with his left arm around my shoulder.
"Were you having a horrid dream?" I asked him gingerly as I kept my tone soothing. He nodded and removed his head from his hands. I saw his face, illuminated by the fire; it was blank of any emotion he was just staring though not really looking at the fire.
Speaking tenderly I asked, "Do you want to tell me about it?"
"My father was not killed from the sweats like we had told the country, he was murdered," I had forgotten that he knew not I was aware of this. I remembered words Esme had spoken to me, something about him needing to release his bottled up feelings from that night.
"Esme told me," I said sensitively. He did not glance away from the fire to me.
"That night I had been sleeping peacefully. My father and I had come back from a hunt that afternoon and I was tired so therefore I was in a heavy slumber.
My mother came running into my bedroom, telling me that father has been killed and I needed to run, the man would be coming for me as well. She was in a mess, sobbing, nearly naked! In those words my life was torn apart, it would never be the same. They crushed my like being at the bottom the ocean; weighed down.
I should have listened to her, I should have run, or even hid somewhere deep in the castle but I couldn't. I couldn't Bella. It was like I had suddenly become a different man in that moment. Before I had been happy and carefree but I was consumed with rage after the shock had set in.
I told her I would not leave her for she was the only thing I had left in this world without my father, without her I would be nothing. I swore I would kill the man that murdered my father. The look on her face should have been horrified at the ruthless killer that surely I looked like but she just nodded as if she saw something there.
Grabbing my clock and then my pistol, though I planned to kill the man with a sword, I exited my room to find the entire court in their robes and nightgowns crowding the hallway. I yelled at them to get back in their rooms for I was struggling to remain the least bit of control of the situation.
My mother had drifted behind me and I was unaware of where she had gone. I entered my father's chambers to see the guards holding my father's best friend who was struggling against them wildly.
Again it felt like something had just crashed upon me. Leonard had been like an uncle to me since my birth, he had been my father's favorite for as long as I could remember. I had looked up to this man with admiration like a son would his father. I could not believe he had murdered the king and his best friend.
The only thoughts that were running through my head were every breath this man takes could have been my father's. I did not even give a second thought to killing this man, though I wanted his death to be painful and horrible. But I wanted to kill him, it had to be me and that was all I knew.
I was avenging my beloved father.
Up until the moment when a trusted soldier handed me his sword I had never even thought of killing another person. Yes I had seen many executions but never in my wildest thoughts had I imagined my self taking away one's life.
Taking the sword I raised it above my head. Before I sliced it down I made a noise that still haunts me to this day. It was a mix of heartbreak, anger and emptiness and then I brought the sword down and cut off his head.
I was a murderer.
The reality of that came upon me as I watched his head fall to the floor with wide eyes though they were blank now they were still open. Blood gushed from his neck and then down, flooding the stone ground. That look of Leonard's face has always haunted me.
I had one week to grieve for my father. One week. My father knew what was right and wrong, he was just and fair. He was never cross with me and he was my best friend. He was a great man and his life had ended way sooner then it should have.
And then I was on the throne trying to get my country back together and run it just as well as the man before me had. But I was still a killer and I always will be."
It was so different to hear this story from Edward. I did not care if he had killed a man. That man had murdered his much loved father and the king of England.
"I'll always be a murderer Bella, you shouldn't love me," I looked at his face; it was starting to leak of a tortured soul. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, feeling pity for this man.
"Edward you did it for your father, you need to let it go," I said comfortingly.
"So give me a reason to prove my thoughts wrong, to wash this memory away," he mumbled bitterly, I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.
"You were young and foolish, you've grown wiser now, that man would have died anyway," I looked him in the eye after lifting up my head. His eyes were clouded with his past.
The king did not speak so I continued, "Once you let go of this it will be enough to ignore any truth or lie, you will be able to blend the two divides of you together once more."
"How do I let this go," It should have been a question but it was not, it was a statement, a desperate yet hopeless statement. I had a feeling I was the first person he had told this story too, I think that was what Esme had wished.
"Each regret and each goodbye is a mistake, just too late to hide," I said to him, unaware of how wise I actually sounded.
"I get what I deserve," The king muttered, I nuzzled my face into his shoulder and he hugged my waist. My arms could not reach the other side of him but I was holding this man the best I could.
"What are you speaking about?" I asked him in confusion. What did he deserve?
"The Lord is punishing me by not giving me any children," I stared at him with a strange look. He truly believed this, how could the Lord punish him of all people?
"Perhaps he is caring for you by making the queen unable to have children, therefore untying you from her," I tried while fighting a yawn, I had not slept at all this evening and I was not sure how long I would be able to console him.
"That may be it," He looked pleased with my answer, his eyes starting to get their brightness back in them that I loved.
"Thank you sweetheart, now I must word twice as hard to rid myself from Tanya!" He exclaimed this and I smiled at him; I could already see a difference in him. I am sure this is what he had needed.
"I am glad my love," I said and then yawned; he looked over at me and grinned. He hugged me to him and then stood up with me in his arms and we went back to bed in high spirits.

Description
Two months passed by and it was now September at court. It was only the first day of it and so the whether was dry yet crisp and fresh.
Things had fallen nicely into place at court. The queen had arrived with the rest of the people and was shown her own rooms, far from my own and the king's. She had three bedrooms and a sitting room to herself; they were nice but then again so were mine.
Of course there were other rooms that were considered hers for her ladies all needed a place to sleep as well.
I have not seen the king and her speak one word since there arrival and I was fine with that. She had given up her fight, though not completely surrendered for she still sat on her throne everyday.
The king had me most nights and I had grown to actually enjoy making love though it still was a bit painful. I was acknowledged as the king's mistress now and I had a large circle of friends that were like my own small court.
I adored my ever growing role as unofficial queen yet I missed those carefree days out in the country with Esme. Alice and Rosalie have that I have a glow about me now that I was no longer a virgin.
Alice has been urging me very strongly recently as her and Jasper's love grew harder to cover from the court. I have told her there is nothing I can do unless there is something that will rid him from the queen.
The war is at a standstill. There is no fighting there is just negotiating. The soldiers are still waiting at battlefields for the call to attack once more and the navy is ready to weaken Spain's fleet.
My father has been named an ambassador and is often away at business. He has been to the French court along with to try and work out the differences but they refuse to see anybody from England.
Charlie was only given to place at court for I was in the king's complete favor and in his bed as well. Emmett has been granted knight ship from the king and my uncle is rumored to become an Earl if there is a place for him. Emmett is the king's closest advisor but yet he can see that Edward doesn't fully trust him.
I have been with the king every chance that I have gotten. This summer has proved to be extremely beautiful. There has been tennis, archery, picnics, playing at the bowls, jousting tournaments, hunts and many horse rides. The king had ordered a cushion like his mother's for me to sit on the horse with so we could be close.
Esme and I have continued our writing, though she was no longer given me suggestions for she was confident that I would be queen by the next time she would see me. So instead we chattered about irrelevant things or the ridge this time of year.
The journal that she had given me already has pages of ink that I wrote with covering them. I have taken to going out to the study and facing outside when I write about my thoughts or something Edward had said or done.
Dipping my quill in ink once more I then wrote the closing sentence of that page where I had written about Jasper and Alice. I sighed in contentment while shutting the leather book closed. I leaned back in my chair and watched little birds fly around the open window.
"Deep in thought?" I turned around to see the king coming out of the door right next to mine with his own key, for that room was still abandoned.
"Perhaps," I answered as he sat in the chair next to mine and I brought the book down to my lap.
"I think Miss Rosalie is getting exhausted from me always sneaking in here," The king chuckled in amusement; I shrugged with an amused smile though it was an agreement.
"Miss Mary Alice never seems to be in here though, where ever would she be?" He questioned. I bit my tongue and thought of answer that did not involve the duke.
"It is difficult to say, she is such a gay person; always flittering around court," I said with a fond smile, for what I said was true about my sister. Though in her case, flittering around court meant being with Jasper.
"I have noticed that," Edward said as he leaned back in his own chair and looked out the window, the autumn breeze tickled with its heat yet refreshing wind.
"What brings you here?" I asked him, after I had realized the first thing he had said was about Rose.
"Lady Alyssa is pregnant; Simon Colt just spoke to me," his voice was level and was not leaking with any emotion whatsoever.
"I shall have to congratulate her," I said quietly, though I could tell that was not where Edward's thoughts were.
"May I ask you something Your Grace?" I asked him after he had not said anything in reply.
"It is Edward in private, and yes you may," He grinned a little at me but no light reached his eyes like it normally might have.
"If I were to be carrying your child what would happen to it, especially a boy?" I asked him while I spoke softly. His head whipped towards mine; I inwardly sighed.
"Why do you ask? Are you expecting?" He asked me cautiously and I was glad; I did not want his hopes up though I was sure it would happen eventually.
"I am not; not that I know of. But it is very likely that I will be and you will still be married to the queen," I had wondered about this before.
"I am trying my hardest to get out of this God forsaken marriage. There is no loop hole right now, I have over twenty lawyers working on it," Edward was clearly frustrated from the way he was running his hand through his hair.
"So it would just be your bastard," I sighed, it was not a question it was a fact. I was an unmarried woman, I could not dream of what would happen to me if the king lost interest after I gave him children.
"Unfortunately," He stated miserably. I put my elbow up on the table and propped chin on it, staring out the window.
"I shall see you tonight," The king said before rising from his seat and leaving through the door he came from.
I then realized that my respect was slipping and I was becoming to comfortable with Edward, I never curtsy when we are in private. I don't fall at his feet like others might have. He was just Edward to me, not the king.
Sighing, I stood from my chair and gathered my few things before heading back into my room to have dinner with Rosalie and Alice.
That night after the king and I had made love he had fallen asleep with me curled up in his embrace. I lay awake in the dark, staring at the top of the canopy bed, thinking of all that's going on around me; not at this moment but at court in general.
I could see Alice and Jasper were nearly dying to have some kind of contact and to not have to be meeting in secret. The duke was in our sitting room with Alice just as much as I was in the king's bed.
Understanding their need for each other I have been trying more, but I don't honestly know what I'm trying to do. Well I am aware what I would like to happen but I am unsure on how to rid the court of the queen.
As I lay in the soft bed thinking about these things Edward's breath started to pick up so that it was heavy on my neck. I thought nothing of it until he started to grimace and make pained faces in his sleep.
His body started to sweat and then it was lightly moving back and forth. I squirmed out of his arms and look over at the man lying next to me. It seemed as if he was having a nightmare.
While I silently debated on whether or not to gently shake him awake he shot up out of bed and I could sworn I saw tears on his cheeks. It seemed as if he did not notice me for he rose from his bed and threw is robe over his shoulders.
I sat up while my eyes followed him across the room where he started to poke at the fire, though I was unsure why, it was very warm in here.
Edward then collapsed onto the rug by the fire and his head sank down into his hands. Concerned, I rose from the bed and threw my light robe over my naked body and tentatively walked near him.
"Edward?" I asked softly. Surely he was awake; I have never seen anyone possessed by their dreams.
He did not move from his spot but his breathing became lighter then the heavy panting from before. I walked over to him and he reached on of his hands out without raising his head and took mine.
I sat down on the floor next to him and he pulled me close to the side of his body with his left arm around my shoulder.
"Were you having a horrid dream?" I asked him gingerly as I kept my tone soothing. He nodded and removed his head from his hands. I saw his face, illuminated by the fire; it was blank of any emotion he was just staring though not really looking at the fire.
Speaking tenderly I asked, "Do you want to tell me about it?"
"My father was not killed from the sweats like we had told the country, he was murdered," I had forgotten that he knew not I was aware of this. I remembered words Esme had spoken to me, something about him needing to release his bottled up feelings from that night.
"Esme told me," I said sensitively. He did not glance away from the fire to me.
"That night I had been sleeping peacefully. My father and I had come back from a hunt that afternoon and I was tired so therefore I was in a heavy slumber.
My mother came running into my bedroom, telling me that father has been killed and I needed to run, the man would be coming for me as well. She was in a mess, sobbing, nearly naked! In those words my life was torn apart, it would never be the same. They crushed my like being at the bottom the ocean; weighed down.
I should have listened to her, I should have run, or even hid somewhere deep in the castle but I couldn't. I couldn't Bella. It was like I had suddenly become a different man in that moment. Before I had been happy and carefree but I was consumed with rage after the shock had set in.
I told her I would not leave her for she was the only thing I had left in this world without my father, without her I would be nothing. I swore I would kill the man that murdered my father. The look on her face should have been horrified at the ruthless killer that surely I looked like but she just nodded as if she saw something there.
Grabbing my clock and then my pistol, though I planned to kill the man with a sword, I exited my room to find the entire court in their robes and nightgowns crowding the hallway. I yelled at them to get back in their rooms for I was struggling to remain the least bit of control of the situation.
My mother had drifted behind me and I was unaware of where she had gone. I entered my father's chambers to see the guards holding my father's best friend who was struggling against them wildly.
Again it felt like something had just crashed upon me. Leonard had been like an uncle to me since my birth, he had been my father's favorite for as long as I could remember. I had looked up to this man with admiration like a son would his father. I could not believe he had murdered the king and his best friend.
The only thoughts that were running through my head were every breath this man takes could have been my father's. I did not even give a second thought to killing this man, though I wanted his death to be painful and horrible. But I wanted to kill him, it had to be me and that was all I knew.
I was avenging my beloved father.
Up until the moment when a trusted soldier handed me his sword I had never even thought of killing another person. Yes I had seen many executions but never in my wildest thoughts had I imagined my self taking away one's life.
Taking the sword I raised it above my head. Before I sliced it down I made a noise that still haunts me to this day. It was a mix of heartbreak, anger and emptiness and then I brought the sword down and cut off his head.
I was a murderer.
The reality of that came upon me as I watched his head fall to the floor with wide eyes though they were blank now they were still open. Blood gushed from his neck and then down, flooding the stone ground. That look of Leonard's face has always haunted me.
I had one week to grieve for my father. One week. My father knew what was right and wrong, he was just and fair. He was never cross with me and he was my best friend. He was a great man and his life had ended way sooner then it should have.
And then I was on the throne trying to get my country back together and run it just as well as the man before me had. But I was still a killer and I always will be."
It was so different to hear this story from Edward. I did not care if he had killed a man. That man had murdered his much loved father and the king of England.
"I'll always be a murderer Bella, you shouldn't love me," I looked at his face; it was starting to leak of a tortured soul. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, feeling pity for this man.
"Edward you did it for your father, you need to let it go," I said comfortingly.
"So give me a reason to prove my thoughts wrong, to wash this memory away," he mumbled bitterly, I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.
"You were young and foolish, you've grown wiser now, that man would have died anyway," I looked him in the eye after lifting up my head. His eyes were clouded with his past.
The king did not speak so I continued, "Once you let go of this it will be enough to ignore any truth or lie, you will be able to blend the two divides of you together once more."
"How do I let this go," It should have been a question but it was not, it was a statement, a desperate yet hopeless statement. I had a feeling I was the first person he had told this story too, I think that was what Esme had wished.
"Each regret and each goodbye is a mistake, just too late to hide," I said to him, unaware of how wise I actually sounded.
"I get what I deserve," The king muttered, I nuzzled my face into his shoulder and he hugged my waist. My arms could not reach the other side of him but I was holding this man the best I could.
"What are you speaking about?" I asked him in confusion. What did he deserve?
"The Lord is punishing me by not giving me any children," I stared at him with a strange look. He truly believed this, how could the Lord punish him of all people?
"Perhaps he is caring for you by making the queen unable to have children, therefore untying you from her," I tried while fighting a yawn, I had not slept at all this evening and I was not sure how long I would be able to console him.
"That may be it," He looked pleased with my answer, his eyes starting to get their brightness back in them that I loved.
"Thank you sweetheart, now I must word twice as hard to rid myself from Tanya!" He exclaimed this and I smiled at him; I could already see a difference in him. I am sure this is what he had needed.
"I am glad my love," I said and then yawned; he looked over at me and grinned. He hugged me to him and then stood up with me in his arms and we went back to bed in high spirits.