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who knew.. Leaseno is my also vent character

VENT BELOW:

"you should talk more in order to make friends and improve your speaking skills"

alright, i would, if you can teach me how to start a good conversation because i can't

i still remember the time when i was younger, like about 3 or something..? my mum took me into a place where it's like social workers who help people's problems, and the reason i get there, is because my mum wants me to talk more...

it's funny how im the only one that needs to go there, train my speaking skills

at first i never really cared but now that i think of it, i just feel like it's useless. i stopped going there when i'm 1st grade, like 6 years old, and it didn't help, i'm still weak at talking to people, and my mum sometimes just brings it up saying going there is useless back then when she shouted at me, and yea, i agree mum, i was born to be socially awkward and you can't change that.

and uh don't worry, my relationship with mum is still good til now

when i went to 7th grade, my speaking skills eventually improved a bit, like i would actually talk to classmates and be more open, til now, i still got friends, but it's just sometimes i feel like im... stupid..

i got shouted at for not knowing common sense, like i don't know what a department store is when im 10, i never know the surnames of my father's parents and my elder sister was like looking at me shocked that i didn't know, and i knew my mother's parents' name when i was 9. but honestly... i really don't know, they say it's common sense but to me.. i dont think i remember being taught or told

they say it's kindergarten knowledge and i was like... wtf did i learn during kindergarten, i know what we did, we played games. Also, it kinda pissed me off, but back when im Kindergarten 3, i saw my classmate left the classroom late and so i asked them, "why are you so late..?" (kinda a stupid question that i shouldn't bother asking honestly..), and that classmate replied to me grumpily,"because i went to toilet", she said something else which i don't know the english translate is and then she just went back to the classroom leaving me confused to what did she just say, what did i do wrong? and then she came out again with my class teacher and i was so scared that i immediately cried

now that i think about it.. i think it's.. a big gigantic misunderstanding, like til now, i still don't know what i did wrong, maybe im not minding my own business and asked a stupid question, but like, im only.. 5 at that time, and there are chinese words that i still don't know, i still remember how my classmate looks like, my mum last year said she saw that classmate's parent, and they both talked to each other with that classmate beside them, my mum also asked her if she remembers me and she doesn't, when my mum asked me, i almost forgot her name but when i looked at the yearbook again, i realised it's her and i told my mum, yea i still remember.. but didn't tell her what happened between me and her, because it's hard to tell...

remember how rotis always saids "nobody understands, so why should you?", that's... my reason for not telling anything to my parents...

(i keep on putting rotis in it whenever i want to vent..because his thoughts are all mine)

i got complained alot for speaking so soft and always mumbling but.. really... how could you understand? the feeling of only to hear with one ear for the rest of my life, the feeling.. for always need to turn my head just to listen to you, and THAT FEELING WHEN PEOPLE JUST DONT BELIEVE YOU AT ALL.. WHAT'S WORSE?? THEY FORGET IT

it's fine if they forget it... because im different..

til now i still think im stupid for not knowing some chinese words... for not knowing common sense... so i decided to be silent.. because.. if i can't communicate well without common sense... that's probably.. the only problem i got....

or maybe im just.. not taught well... or that i had trouble remembering shit

but it's the fact that my elder sister was shocked that i don't know anything about my father's parents' name or surname or english name or phone number, WELL FUCK YOU, NO ONE TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THEM, AIN'T MY FAULT AND NOT SHOCKING AT ALL

my dad's just like me.. a quiet person, even though it's his responsibility to tell the info of his parents but im not gonna put all the blame on him...

.... i.. accept what bad things people say to me.. because.. they're right...

some say i just want attention and being a selfish person..

some say stop being an asshole...

some say im a bastard

....i agree... i know..

im a crybaby? well of course...

so weak to everything...

so dumb...

stop acting so tough...

...

im disabling comments for my vents because im awkward towards supportive comments... i just don't know how to reply them..

but im just letting this out of my head... for the past days i've always talking to myself... about this whole paragraph..

god i should stop posting these and kept making you all worried...

Description
who knew.. Leaseno is my also vent character

VENT BELOW:

"you should talk more in order to make friends and improve your speaking skills"

alright, i would, if you can teach me how to start a good conversation because i can't

i still remember the time when i was younger, like about 3 or something..? my mum took me into a place where it's like social workers who help people's problems, and the reason i get there, is because my mum wants me to talk more...

it's funny how im the only one that needs to go there, train my speaking skills

at first i never really cared but now that i think of it, i just feel like it's useless. i stopped going there when i'm 1st grade, like 6 years old, and it didn't help, i'm still weak at talking to people, and my mum sometimes just brings it up saying going there is useless back then when she shouted at me, and yea, i agree mum, i was born to be socially awkward and you can't change that.

and uh don't worry, my relationship with mum is still good til now

when i went to 7th grade, my speaking skills eventually improved a bit, like i would actually talk to classmates and be more open, til now, i still got friends, but it's just sometimes i feel like im... stupid..

i got shouted at for not knowing common sense, like i don't know what a department store is when im 10, i never know the surnames of my father's parents and my elder sister was like looking at me shocked that i didn't know, and i knew my mother's parents' name when i was 9. but honestly... i really don't know, they say it's common sense but to me.. i dont think i remember being taught or told

they say it's kindergarten knowledge and i was like... wtf did i learn during kindergarten, i know what we did, we played games. Also, it kinda pissed me off, but back when im Kindergarten 3, i saw my classmate left the classroom late and so i asked them, "why are you so late..?" (kinda a stupid question that i shouldn't bother asking honestly..), and that classmate replied to me grumpily,"because i went to toilet", she said something else which i don't know the english translate is and then she just went back to the classroom leaving me confused to what did she just say, what did i do wrong? and then she came out again with my class teacher and i was so scared that i immediately cried

now that i think about it.. i think it's.. a big gigantic misunderstanding, like til now, i still don't know what i did wrong, maybe im not minding my own business and asked a stupid question, but like, im only.. 5 at that time, and there are chinese words that i still don't know, i still remember how my classmate looks like, my mum last year said she saw that classmate's parent, and they both talked to each other with that classmate beside them, my mum also asked her if she remembers me and she doesn't, when my mum asked me, i almost forgot her name but when i looked at the yearbook again, i realised it's her and i told my mum, yea i still remember.. but didn't tell her what happened between me and her, because it's hard to tell...

remember how rotis always saids "nobody understands, so why should you?", that's... my reason for not telling anything to my parents...

(i keep on putting rotis in it whenever i want to vent..because his thoughts are all mine)

i got complained alot for speaking so soft and always mumbling but.. really... how could you understand? the feeling of only to hear with one ear for the rest of my life, the feeling.. for always need to turn my head just to listen to you, and THAT FEELING WHEN PEOPLE JUST DONT BELIEVE YOU AT ALL.. WHAT'S WORSE?? THEY FORGET IT

it's fine if they forget it... because im different..

til now i still think im stupid for not knowing some chinese words... for not knowing common sense... so i decided to be silent.. because.. if i can't communicate well without common sense... that's probably.. the only problem i got....

or maybe im just.. not taught well... or that i had trouble remembering shit

but it's the fact that my elder sister was shocked that i don't know anything about my father's parents' name or surname or english name or phone number, WELL FUCK YOU, NO ONE TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THEM, AIN'T MY FAULT AND NOT SHOCKING AT ALL

my dad's just like me.. a quiet person, even though it's his responsibility to tell the info of his parents but im not gonna put all the blame on him...

.... i.. accept what bad things people say to me.. because.. they're right...

some say i just want attention and being a selfish person..

some say stop being an asshole...

some say im a bastard

....i agree... i know..

im a crybaby? well of course...

so weak to everything...

so dumb...

stop acting so tough...

...

im disabling comments for my vents because im awkward towards supportive comments... i just don't know how to reply them..

but im just letting this out of my head... for the past days i've always talking to myself... about this whole paragraph..

god i should stop posting these and kept making you all worried...