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shadowninja287 — Dr. Doofenshmirtz Arkham Asylum Tapes
Published: 2023-03-12 04:05:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 2398; Favourites: 17; Downloads: 0
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www.deviantart.com/the-darkes-…Tape 1: *Play*
Dr. Strange: Today I will be interviewing Patient #4004 A fellow Doctor or so he claims. Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
*footsteps are head*
Dr. Strange: Ah Heinz please take a seat.
Doof: Sure thing. So What exactly am I here for? Is this about my last inator?
Dr. Strange: We'll get to that for now Heinz I'd like you to tell me about your childhood.
Doof: My childhood? Oh boy you better sit down This is gonna take a while.
Dr. Strange: Take all the time you need.
Doof: Well I was born in the small German country of Drusselstein and on the day of my birth BOTH my parents failed to show up.
Dr. Strange: wh- What?
Doof: Yeah neither of them showed up. I don't even know how that's physically possible but somehow they managed.
Dr. Strange: I see.....
Doof: Then there was the time my father forced me to be a replacement Lawn gnome when ours got repossessed.
Dr. Strange: Come again?
Doof: Yeah Drusseltein....It's a bit on the primitive superstious side. Anyway for months I had to serve as the Lawn gnome and I had to stay perfectly still the whole time My only companion was the moon. And my neighbor Kenny.
Tape 2: *Play*
Dr. Strange: Ah Heinz good to see you
Doof: Thanks Hugo nice to see you too. You don't mind if I call you Hugo do you?
Dr. Strange: Go ahead. So today let's talk about your brother.
Doof: Roger? Uggh Fine if I must.
Dr. Strange: Not close with him I presume?
Doof: Not at all And for good reason He gets EVERYTHING handed to him My parents love the City of Danville where he's mayor adores him and he's so smug about it!
Dr. Strange: Sounds dreadful.
Doof: No kidding....I often try to take over the Tri State Area from him but Perry the Platypus always gets in the way.
Dr. Strange: Yes...I believe you mentioned him before.
Doof: But back on subject One time I made a painting and my brother clumsily destroyed it.....But then he recreated it for me and I accidentally destroyed it.
Dr. Strange: I see....
Doof: Wait are you writing this down?
Tape 3: *Play*
Dr. Strange: From what I can gather Heinz Doofenshmirtz suffers from a sever case of Paranoid Personality Disorder brought on by abuse from his parents. These delusions of "Secret Agent" animals such as "Perry the Platypus" appear to be a coping mechanism of sorts. Today I'm going to run a test to see how he reacts.
*Door opens*
Dr. Strange: Ah Heinz you're right on time.
Doof: You wanted to see me Doc?
Dr. Strange: Yes. I want you to identify this animal here. *puts cage on table*
Doof: Hm? Well that's an ordinary platypus.
Dr. Strange: I see. *puts fedora on the platypus* And now?
Doof: *GASP* PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!!!
*LOUD CRASHING*
Dr. Strange: Heinz! HEINZ! It's an ordinary platy-
Doof: YOU WON'T GET ME THIS TIME PERRY THE PLATYPUS! TAKE THIS!
Guard: HE'S GOT A GUN!
Doof: Gun? This is a Shrinkinator-
*TASER SOUNDS*
Doof: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! CURSE YOU ARKHAM ASYLUM SECURITY GUAAAARD!!!!!
Tape 4: *Play*
Doof: Okay is the straight jacket really necessary? I feel like Hannibal Lecter. Fava BEANS. Fava BEANS.
Dr. Strange: I'm afraid so after last sessions incident.
Doof: *sigh* Fine....And again sorry about your desk Doctor.
Dr. Strange: Water under the bridge. Now According to your file you have a daughter and Ex wife yes?
Doof: Oh yes Vanessa and Charlene.
Dr. Strange: How is your relationship with them?
Doof: Well Vanessa and I have a good relationship She stays with me during the summer and on weekends while Charlene has her the rest of the time. We both do our parts in raising her despite the uh....Divorce.
Dr. Strange: I see....And what lead to the divorce exactly?
Doof: Charlene and I were different people. She liked cooking class I liked inators....Things just didn't work out.
Dr. Strange: I see.
Doof: Frankly a lot of my relationships ended up bad. You know I once dated this girl Linda who wanted to be a popstar she's the one who gave me the idea to take over the Tri State area actually. Funny enough she did become a Popstar shortly after that.
Dr. Strange: Lindana?
Doof: Yeah you a fan?
Dr. Strange: I'm not one for Pop music. But her daughter Candace is a patient here in our Younger patients ward.
Doof: Really? Wow that's.....Sad. What's wrong with her?
Dr. Strange: I'm afraid that's confidential information.
Doof: Aw come on I share things with you. Like how I made a Toothpaste inator to escape tonight.
Dr. Strange: Well- Wait what did you say?
Doof: Eh..*clears throat* I uh didn't mean to say that.
Tape 5: *Play*
Dr. Strange: I've had the guards search Heinz Doofenshmirtz's cell for anymore "Inators" And had them taken to contraband. The items range from deviously clever inventions to outright absurd. Hm....I wonder what this one does *Pushes button*
*EXPLOSION*
Guard: DR. STRANGE ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?!
Dr. Strange *Coughing* I'm fine Just pushed a button I shouldn't have....Now has Heinz been brought in yet?
Guard 2: SOUND THE ALARM DOOFENSHMIRTZ IS TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM THE ROOF!
Doof: SO LONG SUCKERS! HAHAHAHA- *TASER SOUNDS* AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. Strange: I think we'll skip today's session....before I lose my mind.
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