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ShadowOfBrokenWings — Out of Reach by-nc-nd
Published: 2012-07-13 23:50:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 261; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 4
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Description Sing me a song of the places we once knew
Where everything felt so right
Holding these hands with you

Can you tell me now where those spaces have gone
Where everything felt so real between us
Holding our heart up high for the rising dawn

Can you take me back to erase my mistakes
Where everything still existed between us
Holding our feelings so tightly but it wouldn't break

Bring me back to the place where you are
Guide me to the fallen angels
Hold these pieces and tell me you aren't so far

Out of Reach



© Kenji Achiles 2012
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Comments: 19

ActingDude17 [2012-07-18 07:10:30 +0000 UTC]

I love how the final stanza is so positive but the phrase "hold these pieces" jars you right out of that. You're reminded of the hurt that the narrator is going through even amidst all this hope and that's a very effective thing.

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ShadowOfBrokenWings In reply to ActingDude17 [2012-07-19 06:04:37 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! It was what I was aiming for and I'm glad I managed to reach this goal!

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Writer-In-Process [2012-07-16 20:29:12 +0000 UTC]

I love this, I feel like it is a hand reaching out and grabbing my emotions.

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ShadowOfBrokenWings In reply to Writer-In-Process [2012-07-19 06:06:26 +0000 UTC]

Thank you(: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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jutsuwriter [2012-07-15 05:37:22 +0000 UTC]

I love poems like this, that stir up emotions, some mine, some not

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ShadowOfBrokenWings In reply to jutsuwriter [2012-07-19 06:06:46 +0000 UTC]

Oh I see! But thank you

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NotenSMSK [2012-07-14 11:14:28 +0000 UTC]

hmmm.... I like the poem shortand simple yet it conveys emotions, the ending is welldone and so are the expressions. Over all I would say that this is a reasonably good work!

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ShadowOfBrokenWings In reply to NotenSMSK [2012-07-22 11:23:28 +0000 UTC]

thank you for your kind words i appreciate it

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NotenSMSK In reply to ShadowOfBrokenWings [2012-07-22 11:30:11 +0000 UTC]

You are welcome

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ElegantFaith [2012-07-14 00:31:30 +0000 UTC]

This almost reads to me like a song. It flows really nicely.

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ShadowOfBrokenWings In reply to ElegantFaith [2012-07-14 00:38:37 +0000 UTC]

thank you (: it does seem like that to me also now that i look at it

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Loveislightblue [2012-07-13 23:56:05 +0000 UTC]

You already know what I have to say about this poem...
but, is there a significance to using the word "We're" or did you mean to use "Where" ?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ShadowOfBrokenWings In reply to Loveislightblue [2012-07-14 00:03:46 +0000 UTC]

O.o *checks poem*you were supposed to proof read it last night XD thats why i let you see it early lmao kidding i'll fix it

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Loveislightblue In reply to ShadowOfBrokenWings [2012-07-14 00:11:56 +0000 UTC]

Was I now? My apologies, but I wasn't sure if it was on purpose or not. xD
Okay.

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ShadowOfBrokenWings In reply to Loveislightblue [2012-07-14 00:13:00 +0000 UTC]

yes ahah but its all good now and no not usually...but what do you expect? we were up at like midnight for me when i started it XD

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Loveislightblue In reply to ShadowOfBrokenWings [2012-07-14 00:34:53 +0000 UTC]

Point taken...xD
Sorry i didn't edit it.

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ShadowOfBrokenWings In reply to Loveislightblue [2012-07-14 00:37:52 +0000 UTC]

it's alright, i forgive you (:

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Loveislightblue In reply to ShadowOfBrokenWings [2012-07-14 00:40:32 +0000 UTC]

Awwe, thanks. xD

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