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Description
Pansydew opened her eyes as soon as she was sure that her mate was asleep. She hadn't been able to even convince herself that she would be able to sleep tonight, and even then she felt this pressure in the back of her head responsible for her unrest. She slowly slipped out of the den and sighed lightly, her eyes feeling tired and heavy. every time she thought about it, an overwhelming disgust loomed in her- she hated the feeling.It was like an oily slug wiggling around in her pelt, crawling and slinking. She swallowed and sighed, leaning against the rocks and trying to figure out why this bothered her so much.

She wasn't sure when or why she had started feeling so strongly about the whole kit situation, but for whatever reason, eve thinking about the nursery or her ability to have a family with her made invoked this horrible feeling of disgust in her. She couldn't help but feel disgust for cats like Nettlenose or cats like him who abandoned their families because their mate died or ran away. Perhaps it was a pity that she felt for Pebblepaw, but perhaps it was envy. Two cats who could love one another enough to have kits together, and then yet leave the kits after the deed was done?

'I would have taken them in.' she said to herself, voice no louder than a whisper. She would have taken them all in if it meant that she could be a supportive figure for another. But it was more than that. it was a selfish need. She wanted kits and she was pretty sure that she would be a good mother for them. How come ungrateful cats got things that they didn't even want when she was stuck longing after the things they threw away like trash?

Deep breaths. Pansydew hated this feeling. This gnawing, horrible feeling. She sighed out and lowered her head- it wasn't as though she would ever voice something like that- it would be cruel and unnecessary.

'Starclan will provide everything I need at the time that I need it. No matter what I think I need, they know better." she reminded herself softly, but with her claws in the dirt. Standing, she padded back into the nursery and curled up next to Junipermoon, her face in the other's side. Why couldn't this be enough? She snuggled closer and sighed out. Maybe... maybe it was enough. She felt herself relax a bit at that thought. Pebblepaw was her apprentice and Junipermoon was her mate. That was all she needed, because that was all she had. A smile slowly etched itself into her muzzle and she closed her eyes.

Yea.. yea, she would be okay.

Just a little thingie about Pansydew and everything that's going on in her head atm

Description
Pansydew opened her eyes as soon as she was sure that her mate was asleep. She hadn't been able to even convince herself that she would be able to sleep tonight, and even then she felt this pressure in the back of her head responsible for her unrest. She slowly slipped out of the den and sighed lightly, her eyes feeling tired and heavy. every time she thought about it, an overwhelming disgust loomed in her- she hated the feeling.It was like an oily slug wiggling around in her pelt, crawling and slinking. She swallowed and sighed, leaning against the rocks and trying to figure out why this bothered her so much.

She wasn't sure when or why she had started feeling so strongly about the whole kit situation, but for whatever reason, eve thinking about the nursery or her ability to have a family with her made invoked this horrible feeling of disgust in her. She couldn't help but feel disgust for cats like Nettlenose or cats like him who abandoned their families because their mate died or ran away. Perhaps it was a pity that she felt for Pebblepaw, but perhaps it was envy. Two cats who could love one another enough to have kits together, and then yet leave the kits after the deed was done?

'I would have taken them in.' she said to herself, voice no louder than a whisper. She would have taken them all in if it meant that she could be a supportive figure for another. But it was more than that. it was a selfish need. She wanted kits and she was pretty sure that she would be a good mother for them. How come ungrateful cats got things that they didn't even want when she was stuck longing after the things they threw away like trash?

Deep breaths. Pansydew hated this feeling. This gnawing, horrible feeling. She sighed out and lowered her head- it wasn't as though she would ever voice something like that- it would be cruel and unnecessary.

'Starclan will provide everything I need at the time that I need it. No matter what I think I need, they know better." she reminded herself softly, but with her claws in the dirt. Standing, she padded back into the nursery and curled up next to Junipermoon, her face in the other's side. Why couldn't this be enough? She snuggled closer and sighed out. Maybe... maybe it was enough. She felt herself relax a bit at that thought. Pebblepaw was her apprentice and Junipermoon was her mate. That was all she needed, because that was all she had. A smile slowly etched itself into her muzzle and she closed her eyes.

Yea.. yea, she would be okay.

Just a little thingie about Pansydew and everything that's going on in her head atm