DeepPurpleTears [2008-10-04 21:36:47 +0000 UTC]
ah, it's been so long since i've read one of your wonderful writings! simple amazing...as always! i love this one actually. i love to see and read different view points on love and the facets of such an emotion.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
starsdie [2007-12-13 11:01:16 +0000 UTC]
I totally love the fingers breaking line, it's unique, it slayed me. (:
SirNaelyan [2007-12-07 15:35:22 +0000 UTC]
It sounds nice. Word choice: "The way my fingers are (breaking)." Is "breaking" the correct word here? If so, why? How about "toy children exchanging their hearts?" What are you trying to do by bringing up the idea of toy children? I think you might need to be a little more wise about how you use words, because you're mixing ideas of masochism/decay/wounds and comfort. That mixture can create some strong, poignant contrasts, but it's also sort of a hard thing to pull off. The structure is very choppy. You juxtapose ideas of sight, touch, and sound quite often. Not together, but in separate places. At the same time, you string it all together in one stanza. Why did you choose to write in this way? I can see reasons for it, but I'm curious what you're thinking. Thanks for sharing.
otterhare [2007-12-06 06:56:33 +0000 UTC]
ohh. this makes my heart happy.