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shep4life β Silver Sea of Destiny
#comfort #sea #silver
Published: 2015-01-27 04:22:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 6291; Favourites: 43; Downloads: 0
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Silver Sea of Destiny Β 1/26/15So I wished to take her away from those golden fields.
And bring her to the silver sea of destiny.
Would she let me comfort her?
Would she allow me to dry her tears?
She reluctantly agreed to my heartfelt plea.
And I whisked her away hoping to keep her pain at bay.
We arrived on the shore and the silver moon was smiling.
I knew deep down this would not be easy.
But nothing worthwhile ever is.
I embraced her tightly for I had no words.
Her will was broken and her golden hair was in shambles.
How could I fix what the world had done?
How could I erase the damage incurred?
So we sat on the beach and watched the ocean.
And we talked of the past and the hurt that transpired.
I held her hand and prayed for relief.
She opened up and the floodgates appeared.
I took my chance and showed my heart.
I could not stand by and watch her suffer,
I knew this place healed many before.
Would it be enough to be her cure?
The rising sun was ever closer.
I listened intently to all she said.
I feel we made a concrete connection.
It always feels good when someone has your back.
From golden fields to silver sea.
I know she is the only one for me.
I hope I can help her save herself.
And place gold and silver on her shelf.
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Comments: 95
I'm so happy you enjoyed it! And thanks for pointing out what you liked
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you're welcome.
And of course...any time.
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Thanks so much! This poem got a lot more love than the Golden Fields one haha...sometimes sequels are better
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Beautiful poem, not always easy to help the other, but we must try everything in life, this is the only way forwardΒ
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That was the idea..thank you so much! Did you read Golden Fields of Sadness? They kinda go together lol
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Every word was perfect. Amazing poem Jamey, truly incredible writing!
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An interesting duality between both characters of the poem... is it odd that I find the narrator more interesting than the girl? Perhaps not after all he or she is the one that drives the action of the poem.
The interspersing of questions creates an interesting and engaging dynamic with the reader, however it lessens the noble intentions of the narrator as he seems somewhat unsure and uncertain of himself, as well as making the girl seem to much of a victim. This is of particular concern with the first two questions in the first stanza. However the broader rhetorical and universal questions in the third stanza are strikingly effective.Β
I am slightly concerned with the over-sentimentality of the poem. It comes across as melodramatic which undermines the true sincerity of the poem. As well as the portrayal of the girl as a victim completely unable to assist herself and totally reliant upon the narrator as the sole agent of her delivery. It's a slightly concerning paradigm, true help would be for her to be enabled by the narrator to assist herself, not be "saved from herself." Sorry for the overly critical feminist interpretation... (I'm not a feminist actually) but it does bother me a little when people are purely portrayed as helpless victims, and damselled.
A possible change would be to say " I hope I can help her to save herself" The "to" is removable if you want to play with syllable formation within the line.
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I really get what you're saying...I never really thought of it that way...which is what makes poetry so awesome! I suppose the male character or "me" is really unsure as to help her...I do have an old fashion view sometimes...being the hero for a damsel in distress appeals to me...there is something very vulnerable when you open up and reveal everything to someone else and rely on them...I have poems where the girl saves me as well lol...I am sentimental so this poem reflects that...I know girls who are victims and if you read closely all he does is listen...maybe in his head he has rescued her but really by being a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on he is helping her to help herself 
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Yes, I do rather like the traditional values as well... so it's quite difficult. You seem to be a person who likes to uplift others so it would make sense that you'd want to assist someone in a "sustainable" way i.e. to help them help themselves... rather than perpetuate a position of dependence. We are of course all victims at times, and saviours at others, but I still (personally) prefer a viewpoint that promotes upliftment in a manner that allows a person to realize their own inner strength. In this I suppose I do come Β quite close to modern feminist values, but I'll still absorb and read all about Desdemona's eventual powerlessness in the face of Othello's jealousy or Ophelia's sublimation in water... either way, you may continue to either work within the classical tradition, alongside The Bard himself 
(btw I'm glad you understood the feminist viewpoint... I felt like I was coming slightly out of left-wing here, with the criticism, as nobody else seemed to pick it up.)
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I am that type of person and I'd prefer to help someone help themselves but alas most of the time I find that they can't..I do have a sort of hero complex if you will..or at least I did lol...so it may reflect in my poetry at times
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Thanks so much! I have never gotten a wowzers before! lol
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Aww! You are so sweet! Thank you so much! It means a lot
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You are sweet for saying so! I appreciate it very much!
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Still crying...this is breathtaking and poignant. I wonder sometimes how a my deepest pain ends up on your pages...
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Once again I am deeply thankful for your thoughtful and kind words..it's an amazing feeling to know my simple words can touch someone
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Lovely! 
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You are most kind for saying so and thank you for pointing out the stanza you enjoyed!
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I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
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I love all very much
But the last stanza is definitely my favoriteβ‘β‘β‘
So touchingβ‘
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I was proud of that last stanza myself...kinda wrapped it up all nicely
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You should be
It is pretty awesomeβ‘
My pleasure as always
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How does one give a compliment for such a wonderful work of art? This poem was absolutely beautiful! Beauty in pure perfection!
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Stop man! Thanks so much! I was just happy to write something new haha...inspiration has been scarce lately lol
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I know how you feel! Inspiration for romantic poetry has been rather scarce with me, too.
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I don't know where to go next haha
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I just uploaded a new romantic poem today. Feel free to check it out when you can. If you need help on what to write about next, I might be able to help you. If you want that is.
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I shall and thank you
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this was brilliant, marvelous!Β Your
poems always seem to Β pull at my
Heart's strings, andΒ I imagine that
they will continueΒ to do so. The best
of wishes andΒ happiness to you,
my dear friend.
Β
~Taelum*
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Your comments melt me..thank you from the bottom of my heart
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No problem at all,
my dear friend!
~Taelum*
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Yay! All because of you! You pushed me and prodded and inspired me! Thank you!
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I really mean it...I thank you
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