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ShittyKid — I'm awake
Published: 2007-09-30 18:23:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 379; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 9
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Description
...Uh...
the continuation of 'Wake Up' [link] ...this has developed into a story, how did that happen?! Would like some critique please.
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Comments: 20
You should continue with this story! 
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I agree with Hell-on-a-stick, this panels need no words, they're simply perfectly narrated like that
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i would kill all those words unless you plan to make room in the upper frames for a small print bar....it would keep the image the centerpiece without getting in the way.
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I don't understand what you mean by "upper frames for a small print bar". And do you mean all the words for the whole page, or just one or two panels?
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Im talking about using a small bar at the top of the frames for text, a la' Tod Mcfarlane...it just seems a bit cleaner to use when youve got such good imagery going on. Instead of involving the words within the actual image. Basically just the words you were using to denote the action. I dig the images....if you just used that small alteration, i think it would improve the overall appearance...but its just an opinion...
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It doesn't matter if it's an opinon; it's still advice.
I vaguely get what you're saying, I'll try doing that for furture pages and decide from there. Heh, thanks.
Todd McFarlane is awsome.
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if you think of regular comic lettering you'll get what i mean.
usually there will be a tiny black line at the top of the individual frames...with
*knock, knock* (cough)
flush
536 am
If you get what im after....
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Oh, and I am interested to see where this goes.
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Really? Well that's too bad, this is all I'm going to post up here. Tee hee.
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Tee hee? I'll show you Tee-hee...
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*is staring at you like you're an idiot* Why did you need to tell me you're eating pie? Tsk tsk.
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Whoah, again. I like the scratchy and I am very pleased that we decided to go with white and gray skins in Haunted Coconut, because it looks so cool here. Any way, my criticism would be that things get a little tied up after panel 4.
After careful consideration I think that she knocked on the door to wake the dude up. (his yawn is a little scary) Then time sped up and she flushed the toilet and then brushed her teeth and then he goes into the bathroom. The jump in time threw me a little, because she knocked and then it cut to a door and flush. So at first I interpreted it as though she wanted the bathroom and he was in there, then she was in there, then he came back in. Which was confusing.
Her face in panel 1 is great and the what you are showing means that it is unnecessary to show any sleeping or alarm ringing in the page. Smart. Panel 2 is really cool too; expressive and slow and it has depth. (I like depth) The design on the calendar in panel three is cool and the reflection effect and the use of the yellower shades for the bathroom light are really cool. I like the way the story wakes up, starting with a little beep, then being silent until the knock and then having more sounds until the little break in the tooth brushing scene, and finally using a sound bubble to show the silent time of day. That way the brain is engaged for sound or words at exactly the moment when sleep and morning activities are no longer of concern to the protagonist, and now it is time to think about the day.
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Do you really want to get into the issue of infinity with me?
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very cool, especially the first panel, I imagine that's a how a genius like Enki Bilal must had been drawing when he was your age(which is of course meant to be a compliment), and the poses in the second and the last panels look so brilliant
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Ha ha, an asian and younger version of Enki Bilal...that really makes me preen. 
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