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Description
7/4/13
Lately I have been struggling. Struggling through the same things as always, but it just seems like the beginning of summer vacation really escalated things. When I was in school, I was in God’s presence always. His tangible presence. The kind that suffocates you in love and despite battling huge things, there was almost always a new supernatural thing God was up to. He would constantly give reminders of his unfailing love to me in ways I could not copy out of a science fiction novel. It was so surreal, and I longed to feel His presence like that always. But after my first few weeks of summer vacation, it felt like the supernatural activity in my life began to decrease. I feel myself slipping away it seems. I feel myself more confident, however I am still stuck under this cage of fear longing to escape. I feel like, I keep messing up so bad that not even God’s grace is sufficient for me. I keep asking for healing and I keep not receiving it the way I want nor in the timing I want.
Today I wrote a story about my two fictional characters in a scenario I was in a few months ago when God’s presence was invading my daily life on a regular basis. I wrote about how songs can be used by God to knock on those strings of your heart and melt you in his love. The way God reminds us of his presence in the small things-a song, a dream, or just an encouragement from a friend. As I wrote, I longed for those days to “return.” I miss having dreams and visions and getting poured into. I miss God’s presence so thick all around me that you could cut it with a knife. All day I kept battling the thoughts that it was all my “fault,” And that I did something wrong to make it stop. I know that those are all lies. And I kept forcing myself to remember God’s presence was always here and is always going to be here with me-regardless of circumstance or how I act.
I was driving over to my dad’s house to have dinner with him, and as I was driving I was listening to air1 radio station as usual. Thinking about all those dreams I had, and how deep God loved me. I felt so far away from God, even though I could rationally remember what scripture says, that He never leaves us and never forsakes us. I was beginning to get teary, because I asked God to show me where He is. Now, it’s scary for me to ask God a question just out of the blue and expect an answer from Him. I mean, I don’t believe enough, right? I don’t have enough faith for God to answer me just like that, right? The doubts always come, along with it a feeling of hopelessness. “Why can’t I just get it through my thick skull that God hears me and delights to talk to me?!”
As I was about to go into that spiral, the song on the radio changed to a song I had maybe only heard one time before, but never really paid attention to. It was new, so I was excited to hear a new song. I couldn’t make out the beginning of the song because I was battling these vicious thoughts. Finally, as I was nearing the house, I asked God where He was. What happened? Why does it feel like I am so far away? Why is your presence so hard to tap into?
As I drove, I saw an image in my mind. I looked down to my hands on the steering wheel, and saw that Jesus’s hands were cupped over mine, and He said to me, “I am driving you through life with you. I am your co-pilot. We are both in sync, and we both go through this life together.” It was like a flash, and I was thinking to myself, “Oh. I’m just imagining what Jesus would tell me. I mean, sure He has shown me things before like this, but was this really a sanctified vision?”
As I turned the corner and headed down towards my Dad’s house, the song’s chorus picked up.
“I’m still standing here. No, I didn’t disappear! Now the lights are on! See, I was never gone. I let go of your hand to help you understand, with you all along. Oh, I was never gone.”
Right as I was speculating the fact that God might be loosening his grip on me, the song chimed in at just the right time. I began to cry, as I remembered God with me and how He speaks through songs…The bridge started to play right as I was pulling into my dad’s house.
“I never ever left you, never ever left you, no! He said, I never ever left you, never ever left you, no! Jesus never ever left you, never ever left you, no! He sees us even in the darkness, Now you know, you’re not alone!”
The crying escalated…Jesus just melted my heart…The song could not be more timely. The message was much needed. Jesus…oh, Lord Jesus. I understand and always believed that we do not drive life all alone. Today was a special reminder of God’s infinite grace that meets us where we are at in life. I pray that I bless anyone with this testimony of God’s character. His love for us is so…Just so…Beautiful in the way it works and in the timing that is timed just right. Remember, He doesn’t let us drive alone in life. He is always there, even in our darkness and in our sufferings. He is there.
The song is called “Never Gone” By Colton Dixon. Here’s a link to it:
[link]

Description
7/4/13
Lately I have been struggling. Struggling through the same things as always, but it just seems like the beginning of summer vacation really escalated things. When I was in school, I was in God’s presence always. His tangible presence. The kind that suffocates you in love and despite battling huge things, there was almost always a new supernatural thing God was up to. He would constantly give reminders of his unfailing love to me in ways I could not copy out of a science fiction novel. It was so surreal, and I longed to feel His presence like that always. But after my first few weeks of summer vacation, it felt like the supernatural activity in my life began to decrease. I feel myself slipping away it seems. I feel myself more confident, however I am still stuck under this cage of fear longing to escape. I feel like, I keep messing up so bad that not even God’s grace is sufficient for me. I keep asking for healing and I keep not receiving it the way I want nor in the timing I want.
Today I wrote a story about my two fictional characters in a scenario I was in a few months ago when God’s presence was invading my daily life on a regular basis. I wrote about how songs can be used by God to knock on those strings of your heart and melt you in his love. The way God reminds us of his presence in the small things-a song, a dream, or just an encouragement from a friend. As I wrote, I longed for those days to “return.” I miss having dreams and visions and getting poured into. I miss God’s presence so thick all around me that you could cut it with a knife. All day I kept battling the thoughts that it was all my “fault,” And that I did something wrong to make it stop. I know that those are all lies. And I kept forcing myself to remember God’s presence was always here and is always going to be here with me-regardless of circumstance or how I act.
I was driving over to my dad’s house to have dinner with him, and as I was driving I was listening to air1 radio station as usual. Thinking about all those dreams I had, and how deep God loved me. I felt so far away from God, even though I could rationally remember what scripture says, that He never leaves us and never forsakes us. I was beginning to get teary, because I asked God to show me where He is. Now, it’s scary for me to ask God a question just out of the blue and expect an answer from Him. I mean, I don’t believe enough, right? I don’t have enough faith for God to answer me just like that, right? The doubts always come, along with it a feeling of hopelessness. “Why can’t I just get it through my thick skull that God hears me and delights to talk to me?!”
As I was about to go into that spiral, the song on the radio changed to a song I had maybe only heard one time before, but never really paid attention to. It was new, so I was excited to hear a new song. I couldn’t make out the beginning of the song because I was battling these vicious thoughts. Finally, as I was nearing the house, I asked God where He was. What happened? Why does it feel like I am so far away? Why is your presence so hard to tap into?
As I drove, I saw an image in my mind. I looked down to my hands on the steering wheel, and saw that Jesus’s hands were cupped over mine, and He said to me, “I am driving you through life with you. I am your co-pilot. We are both in sync, and we both go through this life together.” It was like a flash, and I was thinking to myself, “Oh. I’m just imagining what Jesus would tell me. I mean, sure He has shown me things before like this, but was this really a sanctified vision?”
As I turned the corner and headed down towards my Dad’s house, the song’s chorus picked up.
“I’m still standing here. No, I didn’t disappear! Now the lights are on! See, I was never gone. I let go of your hand to help you understand, with you all along. Oh, I was never gone.”
Right as I was speculating the fact that God might be loosening his grip on me, the song chimed in at just the right time. I began to cry, as I remembered God with me and how He speaks through songs…The bridge started to play right as I was pulling into my dad’s house.
“I never ever left you, never ever left you, no! He said, I never ever left you, never ever left you, no! Jesus never ever left you, never ever left you, no! He sees us even in the darkness, Now you know, you’re not alone!”
The crying escalated…Jesus just melted my heart…The song could not be more timely. The message was much needed. Jesus…oh, Lord Jesus. I understand and always believed that we do not drive life all alone. Today was a special reminder of God’s infinite grace that meets us where we are at in life. I pray that I bless anyone with this testimony of God’s character. His love for us is so…Just so…Beautiful in the way it works and in the timing that is timed just right. Remember, He doesn’t let us drive alone in life. He is always there, even in our darkness and in our sufferings. He is there.
The song is called “Never Gone” By Colton Dixon. Here’s a link to it:
[link]