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SilasAgnostos — Reflections

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Published: 2019-08-17 01:32:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 1879; Favourites: 91; Downloads: 16
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Description As soon as he saw me he quickly turned away again as though looking for something.  I took a few steps closer to overhear some mumbling, cursing about something under his breath.

I remembered what Saffron had said the previous night, how the hat helped to darken his eyes for the sake of those who had to look upon him.  Saffron's story filled many gaps I hadn't known about and pieced together a much larger, more complete image of those around me.  I held my arms close to me and closed my eyes.  A harsh, cold and salty breeze swept between us and without thinking I let out a small gasp of surprise from the chill, catching Riv's attention.  He looked back at me for but a moment before hopping off the broken wall and removing his jacket.  He stood before me, looking away and saying nothing, offering his jacket.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked.

He just continued to look away and keep quiet, only responding by shaking his offering to keep my attention.  I hesitantly reached out to accept the jacket, putting my short arms through the sleeves and wrapping it around my back.  I was puzzled by the lack of any zipper or buttons, but it was still warm and carried a scent reminiscent of bread.  Once I accepted his offer Riv started walking back to the broken wall.  I think he misunderstood.

"Thank you, but actually, I...I was hoping I could talk to you," I said.

He stopped mid-stride and slowly lowered his foot back to the ground.  A few seconds passed before he said anything.

"Ain't got my hat," was all he said, his own discomfort showing through his voice.

"You don't need it," I said, trying my best to be reassuring.

He stood in silence, stiffly, unwilling to budge.  Something about him seemed...sad, perhaps even vulnerable.  Was he really this concerned with my fears?  Had I really been so thoughtless?

My feet moved on their own, stepping slowly closer and stopping just behind him to his left.

"...I'm sorry," I said, looking up at him.

He turned his head slightly toward me.

"...What?"

"I'm sorry, Riv."

"...Saffron didn't set you up to do this, did he?"

"No, but...I did need him to show me how unfair I've been all this time.  I didn't realize I...I had been doing the very same thing others had done, both to me and to you.  I was bothered by things that didn't matter and never even gave you a chance when you helped us so much.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry."

I rubbed my eyes with the sleeves, trying not to cry.  Riv put his hand on my shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.

"You'd come around when you were ready.  Saffron's a good kid who doesn't like when people don't get along.  Not surprised he talked to you."

He reached up and over the wall to grab his club, an object of which I'd been wary, and I took a small step back.

"Just so we're clear, this ain't meant for you.  I get it's scary - that's kinda the point - but this is to protect those important to me, and that includes you."

Important?

"What is it for?"

"Corruptions, people tryin' to hurt us, those kinds of things.  You ain't on that list, so try not to worry about it.  The most you might ever deal with it is learnin' how to use it."

He started walking away, taking a few steps before I took some of my own.  Hearing my footsteps just behind him he paused briefly, turned his head just slightly enough to see me, and then continued on his way as I followed.  Before I knew it we were on a quiet walk around the back of the ruined town, heading toward a path of old steps leading to the sea below.

"Saffron...told me a lot about all of you, if that's okay," I said as my feet met the sand at the bottom of the stairs.

"Prob'ly felt it was only fair given what we know 'bout you, so not surprised any," he responded.

We both walked a short distance along the small beach before stopping and looking out toward the open ocean.

"...He told me a lot about you, too."

Instead of a normal response I received an uncomfortable smile and downcast eyes.

"...You're why everyone is here, right?"

"...Unfortunately."

"'Unfortunately?'"

"Wish I could give them more than this, more than a storm bunker in some forgotten, abandoned town.  I wish I could do...more than I'm able.  They're all good kids who deserve more than what life gave them...so much more...and I just--"

"Riv?"

"--I just hope I've helped make their lives a little bit worth living."

"Are you okay?"

"...I have to be, Xhias."

"They know you work hard and try everything you can, both you and Sura.  Saffron...told me all about it, just how hard you both work to keep everything, everyone safe and happy together.  Everyone here really loves you and appreciates what you've done.  I'm sorry I didn't see these things myself until now.  Thank you...for everything you do."

I looked up toward Riv.  While he didn't speak, the tears welling in his eyes said everything.

A moment of silence crept by as he thought through my words.  I took the time to reflect on everyone's shares, how when they had nothing but each other they still pushed forward and kept each other going.  I never realized how remarkable that was.

"Do you think the people from Huot will try to find you?"

"Dunno.  They definitely have reason to given what I did, but not sure they'd care enough about dilute kids to come after 'em, especially out to a place like this.  Prolly happy enough we left, but it's that uncertainty that kills me."

"How did you know about this place, anyway?  From what Saffron said it was like you knew about it before you all came here."

"...This was my hometown."

"You...lived here?"

"...Back when it was a place to live.  Got destroyed by a line of bad storms and a tornado back some twelve years ago.  The bunker's there for that reason, though there was nothing left after the storms were over.  People lost their homes, some lost their lives.  I lost my mom and therefore my home.  Got sent to Huot since, well, not like it's far.  Been there since."

"I'm...sorry.  I don't know what to say."

"Sometimes things happen.  Sometimes the things that happen ain't fair and there's nothin' we can do about it except move on, 'specially something like weather."

"I hope I'm not making you upset."

"Nah, just...a lot to think through.  There's always a lot to think through."

I thought back to some stranger parts of Saffron's story, things only Riv could answer.

"Um...who is Celadon?" I asked.

"...The foster home had rules for us non-pure kids.  One of those was adopting a different name to sort of separate us from where we came from.  Seemed to me it was to make us forget who we were.  Celadon was the name they forced me to take.  We all had one, but Saffron's the only one who still uses it.  Dunno 'bout Harley, if that was her name before or after or what, but I guess it don't matter."

"...Are you still worried about Harley?"

"Every day.  Been trying real hard to fix the damage that...person caused.  She's been openin' up more and actin' more like her old self again instead of going quiet and hiding away.  Hate knowing she won't be completely the same, but...she can still be happy and live a normal life even with that behind her.  I'll do whatever I can to ensure that."

Another sharp, cold breeze blew past us.

"Riv, did he...hurt you, too?"

Riv's ears flattened and he turned his head away, but from where I stood I could see a solitary tear running down his face.

"...Yeah, he did.  A lot."

"I'm sorry, I--"

Riv reached out and pulled me closer, snug up against his side as his hand carefully grasped my upper arm.  With one arm he held me tightly, saying everything with nothing.  I rested my head on his ribs and we both stood there for a while, silently watching the shallow waves lap along the shoreline.

"This is something that stays with you forever, even with a lot of help and understanding.  Didn't mean to make it weird, just...I'm glad you both never stayed there.  So, so glad."

I said nothing, just continued to lean on him and watch the ripples of light on the surface.  Several minutes passed, but it felt like time stood still.

"Anyway, it's late," he said, releasing me.  "I need to make rounds and you need to get to bed."

We both turned and headed back up the stairs, up the trail, and back to his post.  I gave him back his jacket before making my retreat back to the bunker.  For the first time we both looked at each other directly and smiled, giving a silent nod before we parted ways.

---

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Comments: 3

sopfer2001 [2019-08-17 12:41:08 +0000 UTC]

Why do I have the bad feeling, that it won't stay this peaceful?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SilasAgnostos In reply to sopfer2001 [2019-08-28 23:52:50 +0000 UTC]

I am not sure if you are interested but it updated from here: 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sopfer2001 In reply to SilasAgnostos [2019-09-02 10:19:49 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the info
I've seen the new page, but sadly had no time to read it. Will do that today

👍: 0 ⏩: 0