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SilverFlameWanderer — Butterflies
Published: 2010-05-20 20:41:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 464; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 2
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Description Green butterflies flutter to the ground
Released from a gentle finger hold
And lifted by the sweet summer wind
Destination unknown and unchosen
For a butterfly with no mind
Can make no decision
And must be borne at the whim of the breeze
Drifters wandering aimlessly and out of control
But truly free and content to be
So unlike others confined to patterns
Day after day after day
Confused and carried along by
Waves of energy
And as the seasons change
The butterflies turn to red
Slowly fading away
Growing too heavy to drift any longer
Until they settle on the white glittering
Clouds that have descended upon the earth
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Comments: 13

hannahdavies666 [2010-06-02 19:42:00 +0000 UTC]

Beautifully written, but the disturbing lack of punctuation made me confused. It's a stunning poem but would benefit from punctuation

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SilverFlameWanderer In reply to hannahdavies666 [2010-06-02 19:43:13 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for the feedback. I generally tend to leave punctuation out when I write poetry. I'm not really sure why, but it's kind of a style I've created. But I'll keep this comment in mind

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hannahdavies666 In reply to SilverFlameWanderer [2010-06-02 19:49:14 +0000 UTC]

Ahh, well if it's your style, then perhaps keep it that way. Obviously I don't know you, but perhaps it suits your personality. It's just a suggestion But give yourself a good pat on the back for that epc poem

check out my gallery please! [link]

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SilverFlameWanderer In reply to hannahdavies666 [2010-06-02 19:54:19 +0000 UTC]

I do know that part of the reason I left out punctuation in this one is because of the meaning behind it. There's a cycle in there that keeps repeating, and by leaving out the punctuation, it can keep moving. But I'll try to be a little more discerning about punctuation too, and see how I can use it to make my poetry stronger

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hannahdavies666 In reply to SilverFlameWanderer [2010-06-02 19:56:28 +0000 UTC]

Ahh, okay. I'll look forward to seeing more of your work, you are clearly extremely talented.

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SilverFlameWanderer In reply to hannahdavies666 [2010-06-02 19:57:37 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much

And I'll stop by your gallery when I have more time to read through your writing

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hannahdavies666 In reply to SilverFlameWanderer [2010-06-02 20:10:05 +0000 UTC]

Oh thank you >.<

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Sylver-Star-Shyne [2010-05-21 22:06:54 +0000 UTC]

it's beautiful

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SilverFlameWanderer In reply to Sylver-Star-Shyne [2010-05-21 22:09:10 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

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Sylver-Star-Shyne In reply to SilverFlameWanderer [2010-05-24 17:41:47 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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iPenguin67 [2010-05-20 21:00:56 +0000 UTC]

Yay, you took my suggestion and wrote something! You already know that I like it, but I'll reiterate here. I like the repetition of words, like in Day after Day after Day, and some of the alliteration such as "Confused and carried" which helps the flow and accentuates the meaning. Took me till 2nd read-through to get the meaning, but I like the way you treated the subject, and the imagery is beautiful.

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SilverFlameWanderer In reply to iPenguin67 [2010-05-20 21:02:44 +0000 UTC]

Thank you I love how I can write like this with no initial purpose in mind. Writing whatever came to mind was a great idea

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iPenguin67 In reply to SilverFlameWanderer [2010-05-21 11:59:30 +0000 UTC]

Yes, sometimes that's the best way.

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