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SKY-Lia — A dream which come true...

#bd #comic #batim #old_time #henry #bendyandtheinkmachine #joeydrew #henry_batim #joey_drew_batim #henry_bendy_and_the_ink_machine
Published: 2017-06-01 22:02:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 3083; Favourites: 69; Downloads: 2
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Description PART 2          sky-lia.deviantart.com/art/A-d…


EDIT :
~ Traduction française ~

Joey : Bonjour !
Henry: Salut Joey
Joey: Toujours en train de travailler sur ce cartoon ?
Henry: Oui

Joey: ...Hey Henry
Henry: Hum ?
Joey: Quelques fois, il m'arrive de penser à un truc de fou !
Henry: Comme quoi ?

Joey: Du genre. On peut donner vie à notre petit Bendy !
Henry: Wow ! Vraiment ? Et comment, par magie ? Avec un rituel magique ??

Joey: OUI ! C'est exactement à quoi je pensais ! Pour être précis, à un rituel satanique !

Henry: Prrr...HAHAHAHAHAHA

Joey: Henry, ce n'est pas une blague
Henry: Oh désolé, je croyais, ha ha ha

Joey: Tu ne me prends au sérieux
Henry: Aaaaw, vas-y. Je pene que tu as besoin d'aller dormir
Joey: Quoi ? Non ! Je vais parfaitement bien !
Henry: Bien sûr !
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Comments: 20

animeheavens [2020-12-16 19:39:56 +0000 UTC]

👍: 1 ⏩: 0

KachiSertona [2020-05-19 20:43:41 +0000 UTC]

👍: 1 ⏩: 0

onehitpoint [2017-06-04 20:08:32 +0000 UTC]

This is really cool so far though x)

👍: 1 ⏩: 0

onehitpoint [2017-06-04 20:06:32 +0000 UTC]

Joey stop tryna make our badass grampa into a cultist boi xD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

kyrtuck [2017-06-02 18:05:27 +0000 UTC]

The dialogue is pretty ham fisted.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SKY-Lia In reply to kyrtuck [2017-06-02 18:18:30 +0000 UTC]

"Ham fisted" ? Sorry, I don't understand > <

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

kyrtuck In reply to SKY-Lia [2017-06-02 18:24:41 +0000 UTC]

Goofy, silly sounding.  Slightly awkward, not very believable.

👍: 1 ⏩: 1

SKY-Lia In reply to kyrtuck [2017-06-02 19:04:03 +0000 UTC]

Oh, okay ! °3°' So, it's all the dialogue ?
Can you tell me how I can improve this ? (or which sentences should I change ?)
I rarely made comic, then I'm not very strong for the dialogues (or litterally, scenario)  

👍: 1 ⏩: 1

kyrtuck In reply to SKY-Lia [2017-06-02 19:24:53 +0000 UTC]

Well, you have a great sense of timing with the comic.  Mostly, you should just make it a little less direct, be more subtle, and expand on a few parts.  Like here's a rewritten version of this page, as an example.



J: Hey Henry, working away at that cartoon?

H: You know it.

*pause*

J: Henry...sometimes I get to thinking....

H: Oh yeah? About what?

J:Like...like maybe we could give life to our little Bendy?

H: Ha, really?  Like what, sprinkle a little magic fairy dust on him?  Make him pop right out of this paper?

J: No, that's ridiculous.  I'm talking about something more practical.  Something from...down below.

*pause*

H: pfft...hahaha!  A deal with the devil kind of thing?  Ahhaha, you crack me up Joey.

J: I'm being serious Henry!

H: Yeah, maybe you need to get some sleep, buddy.

J: What?  No, I'm perfectly fine....




Just some thoughts. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SKY-Lia In reply to kyrtuck [2017-06-02 20:56:01 +0000 UTC]

Wow ! It's a very good remark ! It's true that I'm too direct sometimes, I'm not a literary person, so I write in a simple and direct style (I'm clumsy to make complex sentences, ha ha, in french and english).
And, I like your rewritten, it's more natural ! Next time, I'll try to think to make a dialogue which will be more subtle and be less direct (and expand on a few parts).

Anyway, thank you to take time to rewrite the dialogue and for your critic/advice (it's a good wake-up call for me, I really must read a lot of books, and maybe comics, to improve my written expression !)

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

kyrtuck In reply to SKY-Lia [2017-06-03 00:08:22 +0000 UTC]

Im glad I was helpful

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Flame-Bloom [2017-06-02 04:47:38 +0000 UTC]

Magnifique Bd!
Je me demande ce qui ce passe ensuite...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SKY-Lia In reply to Flame-Bloom [2017-06-02 13:06:00 +0000 UTC]

Merci ! ^v^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

maddog197x [2017-06-01 22:55:10 +0000 UTC]

Oh boy! This looks promising!
Would you mind if this got dubbed? I'll be sure to give you credit.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SKY-Lia In reply to maddog197x [2017-06-02 13:05:05 +0000 UTC]

Oh sure ! You can ! It would be awesome ! QwQ

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

maddog197x In reply to SKY-Lia [2017-06-04 18:22:28 +0000 UTC]

Done!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfdXsV…

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

SKY-Lia In reply to maddog197x [2017-06-04 21:30:00 +0000 UTC]

Don't you mind if I share your video on my tumblr and twitter ? (giving you credit for the awesome dub of course ! )

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

maddog197x In reply to SKY-Lia [2017-06-04 22:17:18 +0000 UTC]

Of course! I have both of those, but I never use them, so give me a link when you do.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SKY-Lia In reply to maddog197x [2017-06-04 23:07:41 +0000 UTC]

Done !
Tumblr : sky-lia.tumblr.com/post/161443…
Twitter : twitter.com/SKYLia_Art/status/…

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SKY-Lia In reply to maddog197x [2017-06-04 19:24:16 +0000 UTC]

Oh my goood !! This is so cool !!    

👍: 0 ⏩: 0