Comments: 14
jeff19984 [2022-02-03 11:28:12 +0000 UTC]
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
deviantm1973 [2015-03-28 20:36:32 +0000 UTC]
more like this one...with pics plz
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CoryNinjamaster [2014-03-30 14:08:39 +0000 UTC]
I love a cute girl with smelly feet ♡
👍: 1 ⏩: 0
inu13sama [2013-08-31 12:14:12 +0000 UTC]
I must pass by a translator stories, so just finished the first chapter, and I must say ...
This great!
I'll try to make some pictures and the way you (if you agree)
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smplm In reply to inu13sama [2013-09-02 12:27:38 +0000 UTC]
Hi! Pictures would be great! I'm glad you like the Story!
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inu13sama [2013-08-31 12:13:24 +0000 UTC]
yo debo pasar las historias por un traductor, por lo que recién termine el primer capítulo, y debo decir...
¡que esta genial!
voy a tratar de hacer unas ilustraciones y te las paso (si es que estas de acuerdo)
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inu13sama In reply to inu13sama [2013-08-31 12:15:30 +0000 UTC]
ups ... copy the wrong hehehehe ... n.nU
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skunkyfarts [2013-01-18 12:26:17 +0000 UTC]
Hey you did a great job here and It's really 'really' nice. You may want to run this through a word processor and use a dictionary on some of the larger words. You have a lot of instances where 'wear' should be 'wore' and where a large word could be used for a smaller one, and is used incorrectly. I'm not making fun of you. I simply think it'd be better off if you did. The story is great, no complaints from me I enjoyed it. It'd just make for an easier reead, and more enjoyment, if the tiny GUM *grammar usage and Mechanics ) errors were fixed.
Also you could, and probably should with your writing style, go into depth on how the feet smell what she's doing with them so on so forth. I mean I was about three paragraphs in and I wanted to know 'what do they smell like." Sure my imagination told me, but as a writer you should also give some incling that 'you know' what you want them to smell like. Maybe Alana has a distinctively different scent. or so on.
Hey all in all good work.
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smplm In reply to skunkyfarts [2013-01-21 17:35:38 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for the critique! It's pretty hard for me to write english stories, but I hope by writing more stories, I'll get used to it and with the help from guys like you, my english will get better!^^
To Alana's foot odor... I've thought about describing her smell, but I'd guess it would be more interesting if the readers will make their own thoughts about it... But maybe I'll change my mind in future stories!^^
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skunkyfarts In reply to smplm [2013-01-22 06:06:41 +0000 UTC]
Well kep writing i'm sure you'll get better!
As far as the odor goes i'd suggest this. "Give us an idea." I say that because as the writer you are first and formost the authoritive voice and you don't want people to be talking about your stories and that if you give uf just some little bt we'll get the rest. but that's my idea.
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lunadivervii [2013-01-16 03:18:00 +0000 UTC]
Please do more like these!
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