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Spaztique โ Lepus's Illustrated Guide To Girls (or Guys)
Published: 2013-02-15 03:24:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 8756; Favourites: 53; Downloads: 82
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Description
Happy Valentine's Day! For the dateless (or those in standstill relationships), enjoy this nifty guide!Additional Notes (added via comments, not covered in the guide):
-Yes, this is a legit guide on attracting a partner (even it if is just a primer), and the principles both apply to men and women, but since I happen to know many more men who need this guide than women, I'm marketing it towards them.
-This is not the "100% guaranteed guide" to getting a girl. There is no one huge shortcut: just a bunch of tiny adjustments. Many guys tend to be waaay too reserved when it comes to this kinds of stuff, so this guide needed to be made.
-I know I've mentioned this many times before, but EVERY GIRL (OR GUY) IS DIFFERENT. Many guys go on about "the mysteries of women," but really, women are just a giant group of individual people: what you should worry about are the mysteries of individual people. The examples listed in this guide on flirting are just what they are: examples. Some women are prudes, and some will find a dirty joke at the drop of a hat, but either way, each one has their preferences in how they're romanced, and it's up to you to find out what they like.
-In addition to the previous point, every situation is different. This guide does not account for cultural norms or special circumstances. The assumption is that you will translate this guide, let alone any guide, to your individual circumstances.
-Another point I must stress is GIRLS (OR GUYS) ARE HUMAN BEINGS, NOT YOUR PERSONAL SOURCE OF HAPPINESS!!! Your relationship should be based on mutual liking, not leeching or clinging. If you are not empathetic enough to understand that other people are other people, you are not ready for a relationship.
-The following model is based on an amalgam of pickup models, social communication models, and personal experience/observation. It borrows ideas from Dale Carnegie, Dr. John Gottman, Nero-Linguistic Programming, Matt Ridley, and Mystery/The Pickup Community.
-The Ethical and Empathetic Relationship Readiness Test: Read the following comic xkcd.com/513/ If you feel sorry for the guy, you have failed: you've failed to realize he is coercing the girl into a dependent relationship for selfish reasons. First develop a healthy mindset, then work to get into relationships.
-Please, for the love of Eric Weber, do NOT use this guide on somebody you already know. That goes against the panel about "oneitus": it is never a good idea to think one girl (or guy) is "easier" just because you know her (or him), and chances are, you're probably way past the window to start laying a foundation for romance, anyway. Use it to salvage any near-romances you already have or start from scratch with another girl (or guy).
Recommended Reading (Updated May 29, 2014):
Mindset: START HERE. If you cannot get into the right mindset, everything will feel impossible.
-Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins
-Feeling Good and Intimate Connections by David D. Burns, M.D.
-The Confidence Course by Walter Anderson
-Mindset by Carol Dweck
-How To Stop Worrying And Start Living by Dale Carnegie
-Self-Development Wagon #1 - Sentimentality vs. True Happiness by me.
-Self-Development Wagon #3 - The Mindset of Misery by me.
-Attitude 101, Self-Improvement 101, and Success 101 by John C. Maxwell
-No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert A. Glover
-The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
-Learned Optimism by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D.
Human Relationships: Once you have mastered your inner life, move onto mastering communication.
-How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
-How to make someone like you in 30 seconds or less by Nicholas Boothman
-How to start a conversation and make friends by Don Gabor
-How to have confidence and power in dealing with people by Les Giblin
-The Relationship Cure by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. Here's a primer I made .
-Messages by Matthew McKay, Ph.D
-Self-Development Wagon #2 - A Guide To Social Skills by me. Here's Part 1 , and here's Part 2 .
-Leadership 101 and Relationships 101 by John C. Maxwell.
-The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease
On Pick-Up Artistry and Romance: Once you have mastered friendly communication, move on to romance.
-The Game by Neil Strauss (Note: This is a narrative on the journey of a Pick-Up Artist, ending on the note that says that women will not solve your problems; in fact, they might even make things worse.)
-Rules of The Game by Neil Strauss (This is an actual self-help guide with exercises, but it focuses more on just general self-confidence and self-development.)
-The Mystery Method by Erik Von Markovik, aka Mystery
-The Red Queen by Matt Ridley (A science book on the evolution and purpose of sex and how it affects humans.)
-How to Talk to Hot Women by Michal Pospieszalski, aka Mehow
Related content
Comments: 55
-sigh- I'm lonely and would love somebody to love me, but I'm not emotionally available.
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am i the only oneย who had the misfortune to have recognized the aristocrats joke ? D:
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This actually sounds like sound advice. (except the negging thing, and you even noted that it's usually not a good idea). Are you sure it came from pickup artists (who I mayyyyyyy have mentally stereotyped as a bunch of idiot MRAs--see: xkcd.com/1027/)?
Especially the part where you say: don't put them on a pedestal.
(Although I'm not sure the friendzone exists--most of the time, I suspect, it's more like "I don't actually feel romantically attracted to you at all although I do like you as a friend BUT THAT MIGHT CHANGE IF YOU KEEP HITTING ON ME.")
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That Tommy Wiseau gets me every time.
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The gods have shown me the light through your DA gallery.
Okay, being fully honest, this right here is perhaps one of the most useful guides ever written by mankind.
It may sound like an overreaction, but you know well how big this problem is for most guys.
With this, you've helped many people take their first step towards a fulfilling romantic life.
And for that I deeply thank you.
I'll make sure to share it with others. The knowledge must be spread!
P.S. (For those curious enough)
As for me, well...
I think my problem is more with sustainingย relationships rather than gettingย them.
Not gonna lie: My social skills are on par with those of a wood plank, yet somehow I've managed to get a few girlfriends.
And every goddamn time I screw up. Don't know why, but it happens.
At this point I'm like "fuck it, whatever's fine". (sigh)
If anyone has useful advice on this, please share.
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Yea, not every guy plays sports. Not every one is like this. This seems to be for one general audience of males. And one general audience to females. Please branch out to something almost every body can work off of. For example Getting a life isnt as easy as you think, getting around isnt as easy as you think, and being social or, or trying to be manly by your words, makes women, and attracting them out to be picky, time and money consuming and overall not being your self. If this is what you meant or not doesnt matter, what matters is that you failed at branching off and succeding at giving advice for those who dont have it. You also said friends could give you advice on certain things, if that is so why not give us the really general basics and leave it at that. Also on the subject of friends, you said to get a lot of them. Some people just cant have a lot of friends, another flaw in your comic. Plus you made it out for people to not be worried, but they will be as a few pannles down you said its really easy to mess everything up. It also appears that any girl will do, kinda, by using apparently one guy with the same problems, that is not the problem. The problem is the many girls that have to many mixed personalities. Now disregarding everything I said your comic was good was good and with some effort obviously put in to make it as good as you wanted. But the comic is so flawed that I can only see it as some concept for a comic. Plus I have read some comments and you try to avoid any serious relation ship and your just a guy on the internet. Why the hell would we trust you?
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Hey, just wanted to let you know, I linked this on Tumblr. I saw a post discussing the Friendzone and I immediately thought of this being good advice on avoiding it.
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Spaztique, would you mind if I reposted this on another site? Some people really need to see this.
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Spread the word. Also, I'm going to work on a follow-up regarding the concept of "Inner Game," i.e. self-confidence in its relationship to courtship. A lot of people disregarded the advice regarding handling the self before pursuing romance, so it needs to be made.
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Oh gawd lol.
...This is like the time my father was all giddy-and-amused because he was on a site for "user submitted guides" for some fantasy card-game, and someone had submitted a guide to brushing your teeth. XD
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Here the nail's head and here's you hitting it. Although I'm not really, super interested in getting into the dating scene, this is a really good advise for people that are. With that being said, I do have a question:
Would you say that working towards stability before entering the dating scene is a smart idea or not so much. Because I have been employing that tactic, but sometimes I feel it might be a mistake.
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As many at-best-frustrated and at-worst-abused women can attest, there are plenty of guys who, to the detriment of both parties, get into serious relationships while maintaining emotional instability. I know people like this, and these relationships are a depressing sight to behold, often where one partner holds all of the power and unleashes their anger or frustration on the other.
As mentioned in this guide, if you want a healthy relationship, go for stability first, no matter what it takes. If it feels like a mistake, that's a sign you still have some ways to go. If you're worried about being pressured or rushed, there's no time limit and how you live your life is your business (for example, I was once desperate for a relationship, thinking I was a loser if I didn't have a girlfriend, but after I found emotional stability, I realized it's not the answer to my problems, and now I'm rather happy about my single status: more free time and money for me).
As so mentioned before, two people make up a relationship: you and the other person, and each person brings everything they have to the relationship: both the good and the bad, and if one person brings a lot of bad, both are in deep trouble. Although some awkward conversations, spirited debates, and perhaps verbal arguments (in mind of a goal) are sometimes necessary to maintenance relationships, it is best to bring as little bad to the relationship as people (avoiding all of the bad is impossible: we're all flawed, and sometimes our partners can help us).
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First off, thanks again.
Yeah, I'm seeing one of those on a daily basis right now. But what made me curious, is that sometimes they seem to be a helpful element, for lack of a better term. And was wondering if that's true in most cases or not.
Well, speaking of money, that was the other type of stability I was talking about. Like would it generally be better to wait until there is some stability financially speaking or would it be best just be open and if one finds someone that they can work together and pool resources? Like would being "financially challenged" be a bad thing to bring into a relationship?
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Actually, since I'm aware of these principles, I know how to avoid serious relationships. They take up a lot of time and money, you know.
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hahaha, so you're more of the one night stand kind of guys?
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A sufi proverb says: "It cannot be found by seeking, but only seekers shall find it"
You can adhere to such guides letter by letter and still not find a boy/girlfriend, the most important thing is to keep trying after you fail.
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1- aaaaaaaaaaaaalso you forgot repeat "dont rush it or you will screw it up", because (depending on xyz) the entire prossess takes from 1 week to 3 months.
2- Evil eye sigma is mechanical???.....wat......
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1. That's what the Creep Zone is for: going way too fast. If there's no comfort or attraction, it's pretty much what happened to Jack Diehard in the 14th panel. If there's no comfort, the attraction wanes and the opposite party feels dirty. If there's no attraction or the attraction dies, it's an automatic trip to the Friend Zone.
Also, according to some of the more adept pick-up artists, this process can take much less time. In fact, Mystery, one of the guys who influenced this model, said that it takes about seven hours total (non-continuous, spread out across how many days you see the girl) to run through the whole attraction process from meet to romance. Once you get past actually meeting the girl (or guy, for the ladies reading this), you will probably spend most of your time in sections 2 and 3 of this guide within that seven hours.
2. Yes. Evil Eye Sigma is a flying tank built by Rika. Rika also built those Mr. Ghosty's. They're apparently mechanical.
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1- Yeah, but thats the most common way to fail on it (well, second, after "the frend zone") so i suppose its worth repeating
"7 non-continuous hours" but i was talking about days, ignoring how many hours-a-day you see the girl, from monday to the sunday 1-hour-per-day, i suppose is considered not creepy (depending on the person and the step you are in)
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is there a way to make a childhood friend actualy notice me or am i out of luck?
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That guide is good. But I got a question. How does it aplly for long-distance/internet relationships?
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While I believe internet friendships count as real friendships, here is my stance on internet romances, summed up in song: [link]
The short version: Unless you can realistically meet in person (like a dating website or you met an old friend on Facebook), online romances don't count.
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I get your point. Thank you for your answer.
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I have some questions.
What if other people try to interfere with the relationship?
I once had a girlfriend but a lot of people told her that I was a freak, and that I did a lot of weird things such has stalking etc. to a point that she got tired and left me.
What should I do when her Ex tries to get her back and starts making my/our life imposible.
What if I meet a girl that isn't from my school, (like in a convention or something) if I try to ask for personal data when we just met (cellphone, skype, etc) , it will look weird and suspicious specially because my country is a dangerous place, how ever if I DON'T ask her for that, there is 1 in 50 chances that I will meet her again, or in other words, I will never see her again.
What if she has a boyfriend and she get along with him really well? I respect others and I would never try to pick on someone that has a boyfriend. But should I wait or go and find other person?
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Outside sources like ex's and other people are a matter of interpersonal trust (if somebody likes you enough, it's usually your word over anyone else's) and extrapersonal trust (get enough people on your side in an ethical way, and you have social proof to add to your overall trust). While outside sources are a factor in finding a mate, it's one I skimmed over since this is just an entry-level guide to get the mental gears going.
Also, sadly, the guide is short on cultural norms, but it does emphasize that every situation is unique. While staying in touch and getting contact info is important, so is your safety. Translating any courtship model to your circumstances is up to you.
And lastly, waiting around on a girl who already has a boyfriend seems like a mild case of oneitus: especially if the two like eachother. Sometimes, there'll be cases where the girl in a relationship shows direct romantic intent (which would be cheating, and that would make me question her faithfulness), but most of the time, you're better off finding someone else. As I said, women populate half of the planet, and if you dig deep enough, you'll find plenty who have things in common with you.
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hmm interesting advice Spaz... (are you planning to be a psychiatrist or something with all the adivce comics you give)
it seems that just being myself works for me... I'll take these ideas into consideration ^^
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Illustrated guides are fun to make and they're more useful than regular comics. A regular comic you can laugh at and that's it, but with an illustrated guide, you can laugh at the examples and take away a life skill.
Also, being yourself does work, but some people who are "themselves" are really horrible people.
"Be yourself... unless you suck: then don't be yourself." -Michael Cera
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Haha ^^ point taken
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Hmm, wonderful advices~ thank you.
( NOT! *Stab himself* )
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Don't do that 0.0
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Hmm...? Do what? รดใฎรด *Bleeding*
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-_-; Do zat... *heals*
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This is a nice guide. Although it doesn't really address my own issue: having few opportunities to meet women, and those I do meet I'm more interested in being friends with.
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Yeah... While all this is true, it's not always perfect. Luck had it that i've more often than not been after girls that had the problems trying to approach people, or simply didn't see hints at all.
...Then the girl who is now my girlfriend approached me again, this time showing her ever growing affection for me more openly, we got together without real flirting or anything, only talking so much that we learned how much we liked each other, and so on the valentine's day of last year, we started a relationship in a but name, only making it clear to ourselves and others a month later.
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Very true: this guide does not account for all situations. Most guys aren't lucky enough to have the girl make the first approach: those are usually keepers.
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Hahaha! What a story, Spaz. Oh hai Mark.
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Yeah I could use this advice.
My social life is . . . non-existent to be quite frank.
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Waiting too long... and becoming just a friend... who watches them get married to someone else...have children... while I am lost, alone....
Oh, sorry, Valentine's Day probably a day I look forward to as much as Parsee.
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Spaz be honest, do you have a girlfriend? :3
But seriously thanks, this guide might help me get one of my own someday.
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Funny story: before I knew all my stuff about social skills and whatnot, I *did* have a girl who used me for my ignorance of what a girlfriend meant, so you could say I sorta had one. After I built some emotional muscle, I stood up for myself and she got rid of me. I would have been crushed, but instead, I was stronger than ever.
Nowadays, I've gotten opportunities for girlfriends (many girls have flirted with me), but to me, romance is a waste of time (so I never flirt back). If I truly wanted a girlfriend, I could have one, but I choose not to. Rather, I'd like to help everyone else learn what I learned in that time when I was stuck in a parasitic relationship and now.
The one thing I did learn about getting a girlfriend is this: the only fork in the road between romance and friendship is voicing/acting on your romantic intent. That is the only difference.
I've recently learned that in any art or subject, there are three areas that determine use: knowledge, skill, and attitude. Knowledge is what you know (this guide), skill is how you apply what you know (using the guide, though many naturals don't need the guide), and attitude is how you feel about applying what you know (do you feel confident applying your knowledge). Teachers tend to have a lot of knowledge and either can't apply the skill (going off of a history of what has worked for others) or choose not to (like myself: you know how friendly I can be with people, so taking the fork into romance would be no problem).
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Wow I feel sort of of you Spaz.
I've been a shut in most of my life, it's only recently that I gained
confidence in myself. But I still feel socially awkward at times.
And sadly I don't have much knowledge about the real world to talk
about it. I'm an overly friendly, shut in otaku.
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hm...that guy with the black suit and odd accent looks familiar...but from where...
*ping* oh hi tommy!
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I've seen all this happen to my friends in real life, all of it! I kinda feel weird to be reminded this way about it, haha.
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Oh Lepus, you silly rabbit. Also this made Chouko seem more adorable.
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I may or may not be asexual but I can't tell if I have this feelings for a guy that go on and off repeatedly and he totally loves me
:'U
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