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SpiralMare — Tears
Published: 2009-06-18 04:03:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 189; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 1
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Description
Hot flesh burning beneath ice cold salt water.Eyes straining and tears staining.
A sob escaping lips,
Breath pulling in and out sharply.
Sclerae bright red and nose matching.
When it's all done and over,
Small breaths and tight hands.
Stuffy nose and sad eyes.
Look away my dear,
Tears are not for the happy.
So look away my dear,
Before you start to experience that too.
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Comments: 14
The really encompasses the entire feeling of crying, especially physical. LIttle glimpses of nouns help to just see the whole thing like a slide show.
Good job.
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I like how you packed so much emotion into so few lines- especially by showing physical changes and actions- rather than using empty adjectives. It is a poem encompassing the symptoms of sadness. The reflection at the end, about how one person can find his or her own sadness in that of another, brought the poem to a deeper level for me. One edit (if you want it): "Sclera's" would make more sense as "Sclerae," since the latter is plural (for both eyes). The line reads just fine with "Sclerae bright red." Good job.
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Thank you so much for the insight! It means so much to me!
And I'm glad you liked it
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I'm sure my "insight" wasn't all that exciting, but thanks and you are welcome. Although, if you were making a pun on the sclerae thing (in-"sight"), then that is pretty neat.
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Haha no there was no pun intended
I thought it was very exciting because I don't usually hear it! I enjoyed it very much because it makes me think about my writing. Mostly I just write it and let it be.
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That's fine. You can let other people think about it.
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Sure. "Je pense donc je suis" (and all that).
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I have no clue what you just said
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"I think, therefore I am." -Rene Descartes
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