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Description

  “Well now, this is inconvenient for both of us.” The brownie sat cross-legged on the kitchen floor across from Nicki. “We both know what will happen to you if I return empty handed; but I know what will happen to me – and believe me when I say you’re the lucky one.”

  Nicki blinked slowly. The world was blinding, fuzzy, and somehow upside down.

  “Look; my own self-interest aside for the moment, you’ve always been such a good provider. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume for the moment that there’s some exceptional reason for tonight’s lapse?”

  Ah, that was it. Events of the past few hours returned wrapped in a bundle of nausea. She shut her eyes and replied, slurring her words across the stone tiles of the kitchen floor. “Graduation… After-party…”

  “Right – you don’t get many of those.” The brownie hopped up to pace back and forth in front of his empty milk bowl. “So, we’ve a couple of options here – and I’m going to need your participation so don’t you dare fall asleep!”

  Unwilling to expose her eyes again to the blinding light of the oven clock with its accusingly flashing 04:21, Nicki rolled her wrist round to raise her hand in a ‘thumbs up’ gesture. That would have to do.

  “Yeah, sure. Well; I’ve already checked the fridge – and sorry to say, you’re out of the good stuff. So, I had a further look around the place, and I’ve got a few possible candidates.”

  Scuffling sounds echoed round the kitchen with the occasional clink and thud. Nicki squeezed her eyes more tightly shut, and wondered why humans weren’t born with the ability to shut their ears too.

  “Here we go. You gonna take a peek? No? Well let’s start with a description and if that doesn’t work then I’m afraid I’ll have to make you look. Here goes.”

  Nicki pumped her thumb in what she hoped would pass for acceptance.

  “Alright; here we have Option One. This came from the fridge, in a short thick glass bottle with a metal lid. If I remember my history correctly, that’s a pretty promising start. The contents is suspiciously thick though – from the way it’s still mostly stuck to the bottom of the bottle though it’s been lying on its side for a while now. Your thoughts?”

  She waved her thumb side to side.

  “More details? Well, let’s see the label – M, A, Y, O, is that a brand?”

  He had to be kidding… Nicki banged her thumb on the tiles. “No. Not good. Bad.”

  “Alright then,” the brownie said briskly. “On to the next. This one’s another glass bottle even shorter than the first. I found it in a mirror fronted fridge above the sink in your little kitchen upstairs – though it was warm, for a fridge. You should get that fixed. The bottle says ‘cream’ on the side, but it’s frosted white glass so I can’t assess the contents.”

  “Bathroom cabinet? My face cream!” Nicki opened her eyes for a moment – long enough to see the next two items in the row. Her groan was one of despair.

  “Another bad choice? Ok, what about this next one from the same ‘fridge’? It also says cream-“

  “That’s my ex’s shaving cream – and that last one, PVA glue? Are you for real?”

  “Am I real? Am I real?!”

  The brownie’s voice reached inhuman octaves. Nicki reacted with both hands to block the piercing screech, and succeeded in knocking over the final bottle from the brownie’s selection. She grabbed at it instinctively as it fell.

  “No, yes, dammit! It’s an expression!” Nicki peeled her fingers from the bottle’s neck and set it carefully – upright, still capped – on the floor in front of her. “Of course you’re real. But seriously? PVA glue – you’d mistake that for milk?”

  The brownie made a ‘humph’ noise. “Well what would you suggest? I’ve been trying to solve our predicament here; a problem you created, I’d like to remind you. And what have you been doing, say? Do I have to remind you of the consequences?”

  No he didn’t. Nicki kneaded her temples and tried to think. The shops in the town would be closed at this hour; she was in no state to drive anywhere, and sunrise wasn’t far off. At this rate, maybe the mayo was the only option.

  Unless… She nudged the final bottle into the light and gradually the words on the label swam into focus. Well – it was better than nothing. “That one. It’ll do.”

  “Really? I mean, it was lying covered in dust behind the sofa – hardly the most promising of places-“

  “Left-over from a forgotten Christmas party. It’ll be fine. Trust me – it’s the best option you’ve got here.”

  Even with her eyes closed, Nicki could feel the brownie’s frown as he hesitated. The fridge hummed and several cars drove past outside, but finally she heard the crack of the bottle being opened.

  She held her breath as he filled the bowl.

  “Let us hope this proves acceptable.”

  “You’re not going to taste it? Why not just take the bottle?”

  “The bowl is for offerings; some things must appear as ritual demands. If we are lucky, I will return as usual a week from now – otherwise, I hope your suffering is brief before the end.”

  “Uh, likewise, I’m sure. See you around.” Nicki rolled onto her back and threw an arm across her eyes. No more need to move until morning, and nothing more she could do to affect her fate.

  If only the offering was deemed acceptable; she’d have to deal with any further consequences as they arose. Just as long as they didn’t take a liking to it; it would stretch her budget considerably if her one bottle of milk per week had to be permanently replaced by Baileys Irish Cream.

Description

  “Well now, this is inconvenient for both of us.” The brownie sat cross-legged on the kitchen floor across from Nicki. “We both know what will happen to you if I return empty handed; but I know what will happen to me – and believe me when I say you’re the lucky one.”

  Nicki blinked slowly. The world was blinding, fuzzy, and somehow upside down.

  “Look; my own self-interest aside for the moment, you’ve always been such a good provider. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume for the moment that there’s some exceptional reason for tonight’s lapse?”

  Ah, that was it. Events of the past few hours returned wrapped in a bundle of nausea. She shut her eyes and replied, slurring her words across the stone tiles of the kitchen floor. “Graduation… After-party…”

  “Right – you don’t get many of those.” The brownie hopped up to pace back and forth in front of his empty milk bowl. “So, we’ve a couple of options here – and I’m going to need your participation so don’t you dare fall asleep!”

  Unwilling to expose her eyes again to the blinding light of the oven clock with its accusingly flashing 04:21, Nicki rolled her wrist round to raise her hand in a ‘thumbs up’ gesture. That would have to do.

  “Yeah, sure. Well; I’ve already checked the fridge – and sorry to say, you’re out of the good stuff. So, I had a further look around the place, and I’ve got a few possible candidates.”

  Scuffling sounds echoed round the kitchen with the occasional clink and thud. Nicki squeezed her eyes more tightly shut, and wondered why humans weren’t born with the ability to shut their ears too.

  “Here we go. You gonna take a peek? No? Well let’s start with a description and if that doesn’t work then I’m afraid I’ll have to make you look. Here goes.”

  Nicki pumped her thumb in what she hoped would pass for acceptance.

  “Alright; here we have Option One. This came from the fridge, in a short thick glass bottle with a metal lid. If I remember my history correctly, that’s a pretty promising start. The contents is suspiciously thick though – from the way it’s still mostly stuck to the bottom of the bottle though it’s been lying on its side for a while now. Your thoughts?”

  She waved her thumb side to side.

  “More details? Well, let’s see the label – M, A, Y, O, is that a brand?”

  He had to be kidding… Nicki banged her thumb on the tiles. “No. Not good. Bad.”

  “Alright then,” the brownie said briskly. “On to the next. This one’s another glass bottle even shorter than the first. I found it in a mirror fronted fridge above the sink in your little kitchen upstairs – though it was warm, for a fridge. You should get that fixed. The bottle says ‘cream’ on the side, but it’s frosted white glass so I can’t assess the contents.”

  “Bathroom cabinet? My face cream!” Nicki opened her eyes for a moment – long enough to see the next two items in the row. Her groan was one of despair.

  “Another bad choice? Ok, what about this next one from the same ‘fridge’? It also says cream-“

  “That’s my ex’s shaving cream – and that last one, PVA glue? Are you for real?”

  “Am I real? Am I real?!”

  The brownie’s voice reached inhuman octaves. Nicki reacted with both hands to block the piercing screech, and succeeded in knocking over the final bottle from the brownie’s selection. She grabbed at it instinctively as it fell.

  “No, yes, dammit! It’s an expression!” Nicki peeled her fingers from the bottle’s neck and set it carefully – upright, still capped – on the floor in front of her. “Of course you’re real. But seriously? PVA glue – you’d mistake that for milk?”

  The brownie made a ‘humph’ noise. “Well what would you suggest? I’ve been trying to solve our predicament here; a problem you created, I’d like to remind you. And what have you been doing, say? Do I have to remind you of the consequences?”

  No he didn’t. Nicki kneaded her temples and tried to think. The shops in the town would be closed at this hour; she was in no state to drive anywhere, and sunrise wasn’t far off. At this rate, maybe the mayo was the only option.

  Unless… She nudged the final bottle into the light and gradually the words on the label swam into focus. Well – it was better than nothing. “That one. It’ll do.”

  “Really? I mean, it was lying covered in dust behind the sofa – hardly the most promising of places-“

  “Left-over from a forgotten Christmas party. It’ll be fine. Trust me – it’s the best option you’ve got here.”

  Even with her eyes closed, Nicki could feel the brownie’s frown as he hesitated. The fridge hummed and several cars drove past outside, but finally she heard the crack of the bottle being opened.

  She held her breath as he filled the bowl.

  “Let us hope this proves acceptable.”

  “You’re not going to taste it? Why not just take the bottle?”

  “The bowl is for offerings; some things must appear as ritual demands. If we are lucky, I will return as usual a week from now – otherwise, I hope your suffering is brief before the end.”

  “Uh, likewise, I’m sure. See you around.” Nicki rolled onto her back and threw an arm across her eyes. No more need to move until morning, and nothing more she could do to affect her fate.

  If only the offering was deemed acceptable; she’d have to deal with any further consequences as they arose. Just as long as they didn’t take a liking to it; it would stretch her budget considerably if her one bottle of milk per week had to be permanently replaced by Baileys Irish Cream.