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Description
To my big brother,

I write you another letter, one more among the tens which I have already written for you, to say to you to what extent I miss you. It has been eight years that you left the house, or rather that Mom and Dad denied you and forbade you to come back home. I have never understood why our parents who loved you so much have done this to you. I was only nine years old at that time and even today I still do not understand the reason for their actions. I know it is useless to write you because I have no adresse to which send you all these letters. And I keep in a box all that I've written for a year, with the hope that one day you will return home and so I can give them to you all. Do you remember when I was a child and when I was afraid at night ? I slipped into your room and in your bed and then you hugged me in your arms and just kept reassuring me. You whispered to me while drying my tears that there was no monsters under my bed, that the noise I heard was none other than the wind and that I should not be afraid anymore because you were here. But now when I'm scared, there is nobody to reassure me, nobody to console me, and it's in these moments that I realize how much I miss you and how much I need you, I need my big brother !

I remember the day of your departure as if it was yesterday. I wanted to play with you, as usual, and I found you in your room actually doing your suitcase. I asked, "You go on a trip, big brother ?", "In some ways", you answered ,"But I promise to come back to see you !". Then, Dad threw you out of the house yelling at you things I did not understand. The last thing I remember is the sweet smile that you gave me and the tears which flowed down my cheeks for a reason I do not know. After your departure, Mom has not stopped to repeat me : "Honey, do not become as your brother. Do not become as Yuu." I always asked her why, and she repeated each time : "Because darling. Yuu did hurt a lot Mom and Dad." Say me, is it so bad what you have done to them ? Our parents never told me why you left. And you never came back while you promised me to do. Eight years... Have you forgotten me big brother ? What do you look like today ? I hope you are as in my memories : beautiful, playing the guitar, strong, my hero. I always considered you as my hero. The one who knew how to take care of me, the one who defended me at the exit of school, protected me. You know, we never speak about you with Mom and Dad. I still feel the slap on my cheek that Dad gave me by shouting me above, the last time that I wanted to speak about you. Mom cried a lot at the mention of your name. Dad always said that it was your fault if Mom was crying so much and it irritated me hugely that he says something like that then I knew nothing about this story. I needed that we talk about you, mentionned you in our conversations. I felt that our parents wanted to erase you from their lives, as if you had never been their son but a stranger in our house. I can not stand all this, your silence, their hatred for you, those cries and weepings when I want to talk about you. I would love so much that one day by going out of the house you are behind the door smiling at me and tell me that you are finally back and you will never leave again. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you will come back showing me that you did not forget me and did not forsaken me. I would want to go back to that time when we were so happy all four ! But I know it will never be realizable. We will never be a tightly knit family because you are not here any more.

If you knew how much I need you right now ! I so much need my big brother. Your absence affects me a lot lately and because of this, nothing is going well at school. At home, I play the kind boy who speaks less often the existence of his brother with his parents but outside I remove this mask which disgusts me so much and become again myself, a seventeen-year-old teenager who suffers enormously. In high school, my few friends noticed quickly my poor condition in which I was. I have never told them the truth about my condition except for Atsuaki. Do you remember him ? He often came to play at home when we both were in elementary school. I always relied on him and only he knows you're gone. Atsuaki spends a lot of time with me during breaks, he does everything to cheer me up and I am very grateful to him even if sometimes I would prefer whether it is in your arms that I hear these comforting words. But I know one day I will hear these words from your own mouth. And because of this feeling of abandonment from you, my grades have much fallen. Mom and Dad have noticed it of course ! Recently, Mom came to speak to me to know why my grades had so much fallen. I just told her : "I'm not well because I miss my brother." She became very pale at once and taking me in her arms, she whispered in my ear : "Pull yourself together, I beg you ! I don't want that you become as him !" Again she cried and I did not listen to what she says to me then. I was only thinking of you during this discussion, during its monologue. I would so much love to see you and hear your voice ! I wish in the deepest part of me that the days that separate us will not be very long. I must end my letter here. I hear Dad come up here and if he sees me write this letter and if he learns that it and all the other you are destinated, I might have a hard time. I miss you terribly and I wait your return with the greatest impatience.

Your little brother, Yutaka..

Description
To my big brother,

I write you another letter, one more among the tens which I have already written for you, to say to you to what extent I miss you. It has been eight years that you left the house, or rather that Mom and Dad denied you and forbade you to come back home. I have never understood why our parents who loved you so much have done this to you. I was only nine years old at that time and even today I still do not understand the reason for their actions. I know it is useless to write you because I have no adresse to which send you all these letters. And I keep in a box all that I've written for a year, with the hope that one day you will return home and so I can give them to you all. Do you remember when I was a child and when I was afraid at night ? I slipped into your room and in your bed and then you hugged me in your arms and just kept reassuring me. You whispered to me while drying my tears that there was no monsters under my bed, that the noise I heard was none other than the wind and that I should not be afraid anymore because you were here. But now when I'm scared, there is nobody to reassure me, nobody to console me, and it's in these moments that I realize how much I miss you and how much I need you, I need my big brother !

I remember the day of your departure as if it was yesterday. I wanted to play with you, as usual, and I found you in your room actually doing your suitcase. I asked, "You go on a trip, big brother ?", "In some ways", you answered ,"But I promise to come back to see you !". Then, Dad threw you out of the house yelling at you things I did not understand. The last thing I remember is the sweet smile that you gave me and the tears which flowed down my cheeks for a reason I do not know. After your departure, Mom has not stopped to repeat me : "Honey, do not become as your brother. Do not become as Yuu." I always asked her why, and she repeated each time : "Because darling. Yuu did hurt a lot Mom and Dad." Say me, is it so bad what you have done to them ? Our parents never told me why you left. And you never came back while you promised me to do. Eight years... Have you forgotten me big brother ? What do you look like today ? I hope you are as in my memories : beautiful, playing the guitar, strong, my hero. I always considered you as my hero. The one who knew how to take care of me, the one who defended me at the exit of school, protected me. You know, we never speak about you with Mom and Dad. I still feel the slap on my cheek that Dad gave me by shouting me above, the last time that I wanted to speak about you. Mom cried a lot at the mention of your name. Dad always said that it was your fault if Mom was crying so much and it irritated me hugely that he says something like that then I knew nothing about this story. I needed that we talk about you, mentionned you in our conversations. I felt that our parents wanted to erase you from their lives, as if you had never been their son but a stranger in our house. I can not stand all this, your silence, their hatred for you, those cries and weepings when I want to talk about you. I would love so much that one day by going out of the house you are behind the door smiling at me and tell me that you are finally back and you will never leave again. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you will come back showing me that you did not forget me and did not forsaken me. I would want to go back to that time when we were so happy all four ! But I know it will never be realizable. We will never be a tightly knit family because you are not here any more.

If you knew how much I need you right now ! I so much need my big brother. Your absence affects me a lot lately and because of this, nothing is going well at school. At home, I play the kind boy who speaks less often the existence of his brother with his parents but outside I remove this mask which disgusts me so much and become again myself, a seventeen-year-old teenager who suffers enormously. In high school, my few friends noticed quickly my poor condition in which I was. I have never told them the truth about my condition except for Atsuaki. Do you remember him ? He often came to play at home when we both were in elementary school. I always relied on him and only he knows you're gone. Atsuaki spends a lot of time with me during breaks, he does everything to cheer me up and I am very grateful to him even if sometimes I would prefer whether it is in your arms that I hear these comforting words. But I know one day I will hear these words from your own mouth. And because of this feeling of abandonment from you, my grades have much fallen. Mom and Dad have noticed it of course ! Recently, Mom came to speak to me to know why my grades had so much fallen. I just told her : "I'm not well because I miss my brother." She became very pale at once and taking me in her arms, she whispered in my ear : "Pull yourself together, I beg you ! I don't want that you become as him !" Again she cried and I did not listen to what she says to me then. I was only thinking of you during this discussion, during its monologue. I would so much love to see you and hear your voice ! I wish in the deepest part of me that the days that separate us will not be very long. I must end my letter here. I hear Dad come up here and if he sees me write this letter and if he learns that it and all the other you are destinated, I might have a hard time. I miss you terribly and I wait your return with the greatest impatience.

Your little brother, Yutaka..