seanyukka [2010-02-23 06:32:56 +0000 UTC]
That looks exactly like what i wrote in my blog about what I think about when I try to sleep, remember? haha if you want a real critique, I can try that too.
-The overall shape and length are appropriate for the thought. The particular vocabulary you use doesn't seem to flow together right, leaving the reader a little confused. Quit using the word "zenith" in everything you write! haha.. I like the feel of it though.
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SundayPrism In reply to seanyukka [2010-02-23 21:35:09 +0000 UTC]
Really? Which blog man? Haha, I actually wrote this poem a long time ago! I just never uploaded it to Deviantart for some reason... So, I finally did. But, seriously, which blog do you mean, man, so I can go back and refresh my memory.
Haha, HEY! I only used zenith in two of my poems. I think that word just fits nicely for what I'm going for in those instances Haha, anyway, which words do you think are confusing? For this poem I actually used a thesaurus (I don't usually do that...) because I wanted to use words I normally wouldn't think of to describe a place that, I thought, deserved better words than my meager mind can usually pull up.
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