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So, last night, some shit went down at home regarding my oldest brother... My mother and him have been going through some shit (they won't tell me anything, since it's none of my concern or involvement, which is whatever), and that shit results into them not speaking to one another. And they haven't for over 2 years now.

As of late, I've wanted to have a relationship with ny oldest brother again, and I've wanted to spend more time with him. I think the last time that I ever spoke with him face-to-face was just after I started my YouTube Channel. But, it all boils down to this: because my brother wants to avoid my mother, that results in me getting cut off, too. He doesn't intend on cutting me off; in fact, the last time we spoke over the phone, he ended up crying just before I left our call. But, I have to be the one to call him first, because he doesn't want to pick up our home phone, out of fear that our mother will pick up instead, and then they'll have to talk again..

As far as my mother's concerned, she's been bullshitting me a lot about this. I asked her if we could invite him over to Thanksgiving this year, and she said, "Your brother knows that he's welcome here whenever he wants," which was not at all a clear enough answer to say "Yes or No," and last night I lost his phone number, and when I asked her to tell me what it was again, she told me, "If he wanted to spend any time with you, then he would call first." That had me so mad; it's the same stupid bullshit she pulled when my father still lived in our home state, and now she's making excuses to not put in the effort to make things right with him again. It's had me so frustrated because it's not fair that I can't have a connection or realtionship with my oldest brother because of a dispute that they have to go through.

"If your brother wanted to spend more time with you, he'd call you first," Yeah well the exact same case can be made for her. She has his phone number, she knows where he lives, but given that she's actively trying to avoid and evade him, I can only assume that that's bullshit too! I'm sick of this game that she's been playing with me!
...

I just want a relationship with my oldest brother again... After nearly five years of not seeing him, and knowing that I won't be living here at home much longer... I miss him a lot.. And I know he misses me too... This isn't fair for me, and it's not fair for our relationship. I want him in my life again, but I have no choice but to just wait.
I'm very sorry to all of those who had to witness my outburst of anger in the group call last night. I know that showing myself at my worst can uplift others in their own hardships, that doesn't make me feel any better about it. Thank you to all those who were there to talk with me during what had happened. I've made a journal entry tell what I'm thankful for this year for the Thanksgiving, so look forward to that.

What I'm Thankful for this Year

Description
So, last night, some shit went down at home regarding my oldest brother... My mother and him have been going through some shit (they won't tell me anything, since it's none of my concern or involvement, which is whatever), and that shit results into them not speaking to one another. And they haven't for over 2 years now.

As of late, I've wanted to have a relationship with ny oldest brother again, and I've wanted to spend more time with him. I think the last time that I ever spoke with him face-to-face was just after I started my YouTube Channel. But, it all boils down to this: because my brother wants to avoid my mother, that results in me getting cut off, too. He doesn't intend on cutting me off; in fact, the last time we spoke over the phone, he ended up crying just before I left our call. But, I have to be the one to call him first, because he doesn't want to pick up our home phone, out of fear that our mother will pick up instead, and then they'll have to talk again..

As far as my mother's concerned, she's been bullshitting me a lot about this. I asked her if we could invite him over to Thanksgiving this year, and she said, "Your brother knows that he's welcome here whenever he wants," which was not at all a clear enough answer to say "Yes or No," and last night I lost his phone number, and when I asked her to tell me what it was again, she told me, "If he wanted to spend any time with you, then he would call first." That had me so mad; it's the same stupid bullshit she pulled when my father still lived in our home state, and now she's making excuses to not put in the effort to make things right with him again. It's had me so frustrated because it's not fair that I can't have a connection or realtionship with my oldest brother because of a dispute that they have to go through.

"If your brother wanted to spend more time with you, he'd call you first," Yeah well the exact same case can be made for her. She has his phone number, she knows where he lives, but given that she's actively trying to avoid and evade him, I can only assume that that's bullshit too! I'm sick of this game that she's been playing with me!
...

I just want a relationship with my oldest brother again... After nearly five years of not seeing him, and knowing that I won't be living here at home much longer... I miss him a lot.. And I know he misses me too... This isn't fair for me, and it's not fair for our relationship. I want him in my life again, but I have no choice but to just wait.
I'm very sorry to all of those who had to witness my outburst of anger in the group call last night. I know that showing myself at my worst can uplift others in their own hardships, that doesn't make me feel any better about it. Thank you to all those who were there to talk with me during what had happened. I've made a journal entry tell what I'm thankful for this year for the Thanksgiving, so look forward to that.

What I'm Thankful for this Year