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Description

To a lot of men holding a gun is like realizing you have a secret power you never knew existed. They love the power they feel when they pull the trigger. They love the sound, it rings in their ears like a battle cry. They love the way they feel unstoppable just holding one.

I am not one of those men. When I look at a gun I cringe because that power scares me. When I lift a gun I immediately want to put it back down because I finally realized I’m holding something that could destroy lives. It made me shake in fear, when I realized that I might have to pull that trigger to save my own life or get what I need.

I imagine that is exactly how the man holding the 38 to my back was feeling. I could feel the gun shaking as if he was struggling to hold on to it, that realization kicking in. I should fear for my own life but I can’t help but feel sorry for the guy behind me.

The guy defiantly wasn’t use to holding a gun. “J-just give me your money and I-I’ll let you live!”

That voice could only be the voice of teenage boy. He was probably only 15. The way he stuttered, you could tell he didn’t plan this. You could tell he didn’t want to go through with it, but it already happened.

In attempt to calm the kid down I started to speak. “Okay, okay. Just calm down.” I moved my left hand toward the left pocket of my jacket, slowly. I was going to grab my wallet.

“W-what, what are you doing? S-stop! I will shoot!” The boy screamed. He was terrified. The gun seemed to be shaking even faster. I was wondering what was causing him to freak out. The only two possibilities I could think of is that he was afraid I was going for my cellphone or a gun.

“Relax. I’m just getting my wallet.” I said. The gun didn’t stop shaking and I was afraid that if this kid didn’t quit it soon, he might end up hurting himself. “What’s your name, kid?” I don’t know why I asked that question but I felt I needed to try something.

“M-my name?” The boy started to breath heavily. I asked the wrong question. He pressed the gun closer to my back as if to give him some comfort by trying to scare me. We both knew that wasn’t working.

“I’m sorry. Stupid question.” I stayed silent for a couple of seconds. I started to dart my blue eyes back and forth. There was no one around, it was dark, I had a gun pressed to my back and I wasn’t at all comfortable. “Why are you doing this?” I only asked this question to settle my curiosity and to keep my mind off my discomfort.

There was no answer for quite some time. Then there was a frustrated sigh before the kid said, “I-I don’t know okay! Just give me 50 bucks and I’ll be gone!”

“You’re scared, aren’t you?” Silence. “You probably don’t have much money… You’re probably scared of being left with nothing, having to fend on your own. Your family is probably going through a tough time and you just want to help them but you feel you can’t.”

A sniffle was heard before the boy asked, “Just who are you?”

My answer was quick. “A friend.” The gun started to shake again. I could tell the boy was pondering my answer. I didn’t give him much time to answer back. “I’ve got your money. Can I turn around?”

“Let me see it!” The boy demanded. I held my wallet in the air so he could see it. “O-okay, turn around, slowly!” I took a deep breath and turned myself around so I was facing the boy. The lights were dim in the alley we both stood in but I could still see the boy’s gray eyes. I could still see the fear inside them. A fear I was very familiar with.

“I know you don’t want to do this. I know you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared!”

“Where did you get the gun? Did you take it from someone or does it belong to someone you know?”

“Just shut up!”

“Trust me, I know how you feel. I know how it feels to be helpless. But, son, you don’t want to do this. As soon as you take my money or pull that trigger there’s no turning back.” I pleaded. I stretched out my hand towards him and held it out flat. “Just give me the gun and I can help you. I know you just want someone to listen but you feel there is no one there to help. Well, I’m here and I’m ready to listen.” I gave him the best smile I could muster. It was more of a smirk but what did you expect from a guy with a gun being held towards his chest?

The boy fell silent, the gun stopped shaking. It was almost as if he wasn’t real at all. Then his head lowered and he looked at his sneakers. I heard sniffling.

Quietly and slowly the kid backed into a brick wall then he lowered the gun to his side and slide down the wall. Once he was sitting down he set the gun by his side and pulled his knees closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “I’m so pathetic…” He mumbled.

I set my wallet back in my pocket and walked over to him. I sat next to him and snatched the gun then I rested my arms on my knees and chuckled a little. “Kid, you’re not pathetic. It takes a strong man to stop hiding behind a gun and admit he needs help.”

“You probably think this is stupid.”

“Got that right!” I said. The kid put his head in between his knees and started to sob a little. I frowned. “At the same time, I get it. I’ve had my fair share of stupid stunts.” The boy lifted his head up so I could see his tear stained face. The look on his face was familiar. The look of curiosity. I laughed. “I have a hunch you want to know what I did, huh?”

The boy sent a smirk my way. “Fine. I’ll have to warn you, it tops yours.” The boy laughed at what I said. I rested my head against the wall and looked up. “Let’s see… I had to be at least thirteen when I decided life just wasn’t worth it. I lived in a small town and right next to it was a river. Since the current made it too hard to swim in, there was a bridge you could cross. When I was thirteen my mom died. That was the first time I ever saw my dad cry and I got to tell you, it was heartbreaking. He would hardly eat, he rarely slept, and he never smiled. He couldn’t help me because he couldn’t help himself. A week later I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt as if everyone and everything was mocking me. I ran straight for that river. The same river our whole family would come to when we had time off.” I smirked.

“I’m sorry about your mom.” The kid interrupted. “Was she nice?”

“Are you kidding? She was the best mom ever! But I’m sure you think your mom deserves that title.” I sent him a smirk.

“Yeah…”

“Where was I?”

“You ran to the river.”

“Oh, right! So, I ran onto the bridge and looked down into the water. I was so angry. I climbed onto the bridge railing and stood up.”

“Woah, hold up! You were going to jump?” The kid asked with a frightened look on his face.

I just laughed and looked into his gray eyes again. “Told you it topped yours. Anyway, I was getting ready to join my mom in Heaven when someone asked me, ‘What are you doing’?”

……o0o……

“What are you doing, boy?” I turned around to see a man in his thirties staring at me. His eyes were Russet brown and he had dark brown skin. He calmly walked over to me and set his elbows on the bridge railing. He looked up into my blue eyes.

“Nothing.” I sat down on the rail and rocked my legs back and forth.

“Nothing? Are you sure? Because it sure looked like you were doing something.”

“Nothing.”

“Really? Funny, because I could have sworn you looked like you were going to jump.” I didn’t answer him. I just sat there and looked at the water. A sigh came from the man beside me. “My name’s Aaron. How about you, kid? Got a name?”

I looked at him for a few seconds then back at the water. “Oh, I get it. You don’t trust strangers. You’re a smart kid.” Aaron turned to his side and leaned against the bridge railing. “Let me try asking a different question. Why were you going to jump? You know, that’s just asking for a whole lot of pain.” Aaron looked up at me, adjusting his blue baseball cap so he could see me better.

I was silent for a couple of seconds. “I want to go to Heaven.” I stated. Aaron froze for a few seconds then he just smiled.

“Don’t we all? Unfortunately, you’re going to have to wait your turn like the rest of us.”

“Why?” I gave Aaron a curious gaze.

“Because to interrupt God’s plan for you means you gave up on Him. To take your life means you didn’t trust Him with your own life.”

“Why should I? He took my mom away from me. He’s the one who keeps mocking me every day about it.”

“If that’s what you believe boy then I’m going to have to tell you that if you jumped off that rail right now you wouldn’t be going to Heaven.” Aaron told me.

I looked down at the rushing water and back up at Aaron. “I don’t understand.” I replied. “Don’t all people who believe in God go to Heaven?”

“In a sense… No.” Aaron faced the railing again and set his elbows once more. He watched his hand movements. He was thinking. “Kid, do you know what faith means?”

“Yeah. It means complete confidence in someone or something.”

Aaron laughed. “That’s good. Now, would you say you have faith in God?” He looked up at me, squinting his eyes because of the bright sunlight. His hands stopped moving as he waited for my answer.

“Yeah.” I said as I looked into his eyes again. He smiled as he looked away then looked back at me.

“Are you sure? Why don’t you give it some more thought?”

I looked down at my hands and started playing with my fingers as I reflected on faith. I looked around at the trees and watched the green leaves wave at me. Eventually I answered Aaron with, “I guess not.”

“There’s your problem, kid! To lack faith in God is to lack faith in yourself. If you can’t trust Him with your life then how can you trust you with your life? Yeah, I know it doesn’t make much sense now but you’ll eventually get it. If you have faith in God you can do anything. If you have faith in God you can make it through your mother’s death. He has faith in you so why don’t you have faith in Him?” Aaron replied back.

I looked down at my shoes, contemplating Aaron’s words. What did it mean? The more I thought about it the more it seemed to make sense. I didn’t want to lose faith in myself or in God. After a while I finally turned around on the bridge railing, being careful not to slip, then I hopped off and looked up at Aaron. “How do you get faith in God?”

Aaron chuckled as he walked over to me. “You mean how do you find faith in God? Well… You know what a prayer is, right?” He asked me. I nodded my head. “Okay, then pray. Ask God for forgiveness and then tell him you wish to accept Jesus into your heart.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Okay.” I bowed my head and folded my hands and said what Aaron told me to say. When I was done I opened one eye and looked around. Then I opened the other and looked up at Aaron. “Did it work?”

“I’m not the one you should be asking.” Aaron responded as he winked at me. I frowned and watched Aaron walk away. When he didn’t come back in my direction I decided to chase after him.

“Where are you going?” I asked Aaron as I ran up beside him.

“Home.”

“Why?”

“Because my family is going to worry if I’m not home in time for dinner.”

“Oh.” I looked down at the dirt ground and watched the dust kick up as I walked. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

“Maybe. Why?” Aaron inquired.

“I just want to talk to you more about God and faith. You know, that kind of stuff.”

“Sure, kid. Same time?”

“Sure. Oh, and by the way, my name isn’t kid. My name’s Michael.” After I said this we both smiled.

……o0o……

“So there you go kid. After that I talked to my dad and cheered him up. He got better. Then I met Aaron’s family and discovered he had a 14 year old daughter named Carrie. I eventually grew up and married Carrie. Now I’m a father of a little girl and I couldn’t be any happier especially now that I have God by my side.” I looked to the kid with a big smile on my face. The kid stared at me as a smile slowly made its way onto his face.

“Nice story.” The boy looked out into the distance. “I guess I haven’t had much faith in God recently…”

“It’s never too late to change that.” I replied. We sat in silence for a few seconds before I asked, “So, what’s your problem, kid?”

“What’s my problem? Well my mom’s pregnant, my dad lost his job, and no one wants to hire a 15 year old.”

“That’s why you wanted my money?”

The boy laughed. “Pretty much. The gun belongs to my dad. I don’t know what came over me but I just took the gun and ran off…”

“I guess that’s a pretty good story. Not quite as detailed as mine but still good. So, what are you going to do to give it a happy ending?”

“Well obviously my first idea was stupid.” The kid laughed and I laughed along with him. As we laughed I came up with an idea and I turned to the kid.

“If you’re looking for a job I could sure use a babysitter. Carrie and I haven’t had a date in forever and our last babysitter quit on us. Would you be willing to take the job?”

In all my years I have never seen someone so happy. The kid’s smile had reached its maximum and he was nodding his head so fast I thought his neck was going to snap off. “Are you kidding? I love kids! Yes!”

“Well, okay then! There’s one condition though,” I set the gun in his lap, “No guns.”

The boy chuckled. “I think I can handle that.”

“Good. I’ll pay you 15 dollars if you do a good job. Sound fair?”

“Better than what I’ve been getting before.”

I smiled. “There’s just one problem.” The boy looked at me with a puzzled look. “I like to know who watches over my daughter.”

“Oh, right!” The boy held out his hand to me. “My name is Matthew.”

I grabbed Matthew’s hand and shook it, smiling as I did so. “Nice to meet you Matthew and may you gain faith in Christ.”

Description

To a lot of men holding a gun is like realizing you have a secret power you never knew existed. They love the power they feel when they pull the trigger. They love the sound, it rings in their ears like a battle cry. They love the way they feel unstoppable just holding one.

I am not one of those men. When I look at a gun I cringe because that power scares me. When I lift a gun I immediately want to put it back down because I finally realized I’m holding something that could destroy lives. It made me shake in fear, when I realized that I might have to pull that trigger to save my own life or get what I need.

I imagine that is exactly how the man holding the 38 to my back was feeling. I could feel the gun shaking as if he was struggling to hold on to it, that realization kicking in. I should fear for my own life but I can’t help but feel sorry for the guy behind me.

The guy defiantly wasn’t use to holding a gun. “J-just give me your money and I-I’ll let you live!”

That voice could only be the voice of teenage boy. He was probably only 15. The way he stuttered, you could tell he didn’t plan this. You could tell he didn’t want to go through with it, but it already happened.

In attempt to calm the kid down I started to speak. “Okay, okay. Just calm down.” I moved my left hand toward the left pocket of my jacket, slowly. I was going to grab my wallet.

“W-what, what are you doing? S-stop! I will shoot!” The boy screamed. He was terrified. The gun seemed to be shaking even faster. I was wondering what was causing him to freak out. The only two possibilities I could think of is that he was afraid I was going for my cellphone or a gun.

“Relax. I’m just getting my wallet.” I said. The gun didn’t stop shaking and I was afraid that if this kid didn’t quit it soon, he might end up hurting himself. “What’s your name, kid?” I don’t know why I asked that question but I felt I needed to try something.

“M-my name?” The boy started to breath heavily. I asked the wrong question. He pressed the gun closer to my back as if to give him some comfort by trying to scare me. We both knew that wasn’t working.

“I’m sorry. Stupid question.” I stayed silent for a couple of seconds. I started to dart my blue eyes back and forth. There was no one around, it was dark, I had a gun pressed to my back and I wasn’t at all comfortable. “Why are you doing this?” I only asked this question to settle my curiosity and to keep my mind off my discomfort.

There was no answer for quite some time. Then there was a frustrated sigh before the kid said, “I-I don’t know okay! Just give me 50 bucks and I’ll be gone!”

“You’re scared, aren’t you?” Silence. “You probably don’t have much money… You’re probably scared of being left with nothing, having to fend on your own. Your family is probably going through a tough time and you just want to help them but you feel you can’t.”

A sniffle was heard before the boy asked, “Just who are you?”

My answer was quick. “A friend.” The gun started to shake again. I could tell the boy was pondering my answer. I didn’t give him much time to answer back. “I’ve got your money. Can I turn around?”

“Let me see it!” The boy demanded. I held my wallet in the air so he could see it. “O-okay, turn around, slowly!” I took a deep breath and turned myself around so I was facing the boy. The lights were dim in the alley we both stood in but I could still see the boy’s gray eyes. I could still see the fear inside them. A fear I was very familiar with.

“I know you don’t want to do this. I know you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared!”

“Where did you get the gun? Did you take it from someone or does it belong to someone you know?”

“Just shut up!”

“Trust me, I know how you feel. I know how it feels to be helpless. But, son, you don’t want to do this. As soon as you take my money or pull that trigger there’s no turning back.” I pleaded. I stretched out my hand towards him and held it out flat. “Just give me the gun and I can help you. I know you just want someone to listen but you feel there is no one there to help. Well, I’m here and I’m ready to listen.” I gave him the best smile I could muster. It was more of a smirk but what did you expect from a guy with a gun being held towards his chest?

The boy fell silent, the gun stopped shaking. It was almost as if he wasn’t real at all. Then his head lowered and he looked at his sneakers. I heard sniffling.

Quietly and slowly the kid backed into a brick wall then he lowered the gun to his side and slide down the wall. Once he was sitting down he set the gun by his side and pulled his knees closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “I’m so pathetic…” He mumbled.

I set my wallet back in my pocket and walked over to him. I sat next to him and snatched the gun then I rested my arms on my knees and chuckled a little. “Kid, you’re not pathetic. It takes a strong man to stop hiding behind a gun and admit he needs help.”

“You probably think this is stupid.”

“Got that right!” I said. The kid put his head in between his knees and started to sob a little. I frowned. “At the same time, I get it. I’ve had my fair share of stupid stunts.” The boy lifted his head up so I could see his tear stained face. The look on his face was familiar. The look of curiosity. I laughed. “I have a hunch you want to know what I did, huh?”

The boy sent a smirk my way. “Fine. I’ll have to warn you, it tops yours.” The boy laughed at what I said. I rested my head against the wall and looked up. “Let’s see… I had to be at least thirteen when I decided life just wasn’t worth it. I lived in a small town and right next to it was a river. Since the current made it too hard to swim in, there was a bridge you could cross. When I was thirteen my mom died. That was the first time I ever saw my dad cry and I got to tell you, it was heartbreaking. He would hardly eat, he rarely slept, and he never smiled. He couldn’t help me because he couldn’t help himself. A week later I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt as if everyone and everything was mocking me. I ran straight for that river. The same river our whole family would come to when we had time off.” I smirked.

“I’m sorry about your mom.” The kid interrupted. “Was she nice?”

“Are you kidding? She was the best mom ever! But I’m sure you think your mom deserves that title.” I sent him a smirk.

“Yeah…”

“Where was I?”

“You ran to the river.”

“Oh, right! So, I ran onto the bridge and looked down into the water. I was so angry. I climbed onto the bridge railing and stood up.”

“Woah, hold up! You were going to jump?” The kid asked with a frightened look on his face.

I just laughed and looked into his gray eyes again. “Told you it topped yours. Anyway, I was getting ready to join my mom in Heaven when someone asked me, ‘What are you doing’?”

……o0o……

“What are you doing, boy?” I turned around to see a man in his thirties staring at me. His eyes were Russet brown and he had dark brown skin. He calmly walked over to me and set his elbows on the bridge railing. He looked up into my blue eyes.

“Nothing.” I sat down on the rail and rocked my legs back and forth.

“Nothing? Are you sure? Because it sure looked like you were doing something.”

“Nothing.”

“Really? Funny, because I could have sworn you looked like you were going to jump.” I didn’t answer him. I just sat there and looked at the water. A sigh came from the man beside me. “My name’s Aaron. How about you, kid? Got a name?”

I looked at him for a few seconds then back at the water. “Oh, I get it. You don’t trust strangers. You’re a smart kid.” Aaron turned to his side and leaned against the bridge railing. “Let me try asking a different question. Why were you going to jump? You know, that’s just asking for a whole lot of pain.” Aaron looked up at me, adjusting his blue baseball cap so he could see me better.

I was silent for a couple of seconds. “I want to go to Heaven.” I stated. Aaron froze for a few seconds then he just smiled.

“Don’t we all? Unfortunately, you’re going to have to wait your turn like the rest of us.”

“Why?” I gave Aaron a curious gaze.

“Because to interrupt God’s plan for you means you gave up on Him. To take your life means you didn’t trust Him with your own life.”

“Why should I? He took my mom away from me. He’s the one who keeps mocking me every day about it.”

“If that’s what you believe boy then I’m going to have to tell you that if you jumped off that rail right now you wouldn’t be going to Heaven.” Aaron told me.

I looked down at the rushing water and back up at Aaron. “I don’t understand.” I replied. “Don’t all people who believe in God go to Heaven?”

“In a sense… No.” Aaron faced the railing again and set his elbows once more. He watched his hand movements. He was thinking. “Kid, do you know what faith means?”

“Yeah. It means complete confidence in someone or something.”

Aaron laughed. “That’s good. Now, would you say you have faith in God?” He looked up at me, squinting his eyes because of the bright sunlight. His hands stopped moving as he waited for my answer.

“Yeah.” I said as I looked into his eyes again. He smiled as he looked away then looked back at me.

“Are you sure? Why don’t you give it some more thought?”

I looked down at my hands and started playing with my fingers as I reflected on faith. I looked around at the trees and watched the green leaves wave at me. Eventually I answered Aaron with, “I guess not.”

“There’s your problem, kid! To lack faith in God is to lack faith in yourself. If you can’t trust Him with your life then how can you trust you with your life? Yeah, I know it doesn’t make much sense now but you’ll eventually get it. If you have faith in God you can do anything. If you have faith in God you can make it through your mother’s death. He has faith in you so why don’t you have faith in Him?” Aaron replied back.

I looked down at my shoes, contemplating Aaron’s words. What did it mean? The more I thought about it the more it seemed to make sense. I didn’t want to lose faith in myself or in God. After a while I finally turned around on the bridge railing, being careful not to slip, then I hopped off and looked up at Aaron. “How do you get faith in God?”

Aaron chuckled as he walked over to me. “You mean how do you find faith in God? Well… You know what a prayer is, right?” He asked me. I nodded my head. “Okay, then pray. Ask God for forgiveness and then tell him you wish to accept Jesus into your heart.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Okay.” I bowed my head and folded my hands and said what Aaron told me to say. When I was done I opened one eye and looked around. Then I opened the other and looked up at Aaron. “Did it work?”

“I’m not the one you should be asking.” Aaron responded as he winked at me. I frowned and watched Aaron walk away. When he didn’t come back in my direction I decided to chase after him.

“Where are you going?” I asked Aaron as I ran up beside him.

“Home.”

“Why?”

“Because my family is going to worry if I’m not home in time for dinner.”

“Oh.” I looked down at the dirt ground and watched the dust kick up as I walked. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

“Maybe. Why?” Aaron inquired.

“I just want to talk to you more about God and faith. You know, that kind of stuff.”

“Sure, kid. Same time?”

“Sure. Oh, and by the way, my name isn’t kid. My name’s Michael.” After I said this we both smiled.

……o0o……

“So there you go kid. After that I talked to my dad and cheered him up. He got better. Then I met Aaron’s family and discovered he had a 14 year old daughter named Carrie. I eventually grew up and married Carrie. Now I’m a father of a little girl and I couldn’t be any happier especially now that I have God by my side.” I looked to the kid with a big smile on my face. The kid stared at me as a smile slowly made its way onto his face.

“Nice story.” The boy looked out into the distance. “I guess I haven’t had much faith in God recently…”

“It’s never too late to change that.” I replied. We sat in silence for a few seconds before I asked, “So, what’s your problem, kid?”

“What’s my problem? Well my mom’s pregnant, my dad lost his job, and no one wants to hire a 15 year old.”

“That’s why you wanted my money?”

The boy laughed. “Pretty much. The gun belongs to my dad. I don’t know what came over me but I just took the gun and ran off…”

“I guess that’s a pretty good story. Not quite as detailed as mine but still good. So, what are you going to do to give it a happy ending?”

“Well obviously my first idea was stupid.” The kid laughed and I laughed along with him. As we laughed I came up with an idea and I turned to the kid.

“If you’re looking for a job I could sure use a babysitter. Carrie and I haven’t had a date in forever and our last babysitter quit on us. Would you be willing to take the job?”

In all my years I have never seen someone so happy. The kid’s smile had reached its maximum and he was nodding his head so fast I thought his neck was going to snap off. “Are you kidding? I love kids! Yes!”

“Well, okay then! There’s one condition though,” I set the gun in his lap, “No guns.”

The boy chuckled. “I think I can handle that.”

“Good. I’ll pay you 15 dollars if you do a good job. Sound fair?”

“Better than what I’ve been getting before.”

I smiled. “There’s just one problem.” The boy looked at me with a puzzled look. “I like to know who watches over my daughter.”

“Oh, right!” The boy held out his hand to me. “My name is Matthew.”

I grabbed Matthew’s hand and shook it, smiling as I did so. “Nice to meet you Matthew and may you gain faith in Christ.”