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TeacupChimera — The Blossom and the Kelpie: Introduction
Published: 2012-08-26 20:31:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 153; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 4
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Description "You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you dies each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintry light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person had died for no reason."
-Ernest Hemingway


     
    Year after year, day after day, summer evenings and winter-chilled mornings passed like oil on rushing water. However, the peculiar trappings of the great Willow Manor stood strong, proud, and timeless against the currents of the world. Slower still moved the life of one mostly ordinary girl - one whose fate had been decided from her birth. For Marigold Willoughby was dying. Diagnosed early with a fatal and unknown degenerative disease, Marigold had spent her entire life ensconced within the walls of her family home. Willow Manor was nothing short of grand: high arches, delicate iron fences, and rambling meadows that somehow passed for courtyards. The house's generations of inhabitants were well-to-do explorers: paleontologists, archaeologists, and even one cryptozoologist (though he was an odd duck to be sure). New as these fields were at the time, each finding raked in considerable sums that led the family's founder to buy the estate. It was here that Marigold withered away, unable to leave her room unassisted.
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Comments: 17

FireToIce [2012-08-31 23:04:56 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


Wow, it has that lovely "old literature" feel to it with nice sentence structure and great descriptions without being too wordy.
You get a good grasp of the character's family history and surroundings while leaving it open enough to imagine it as you like, as well as how frail and delicate Marigold must be from such a serious ailment.

The piece does get stronger as it goes on but I'm not too sure about part of the first line, "summer evenings and winter-chilled mornings passed like oil on rushing water."
I assume by this you mean that they passed quickly?
However oil is very thin, light and has that colourful rainbow streaked look on water;
So were the days as well as fast also light and colourful?
Or maybe I'm just bad at interpreting that part e.deviantart.net/emoticons/a/a… " width="19" height="19" alt="" title="Sweating a little..."/>

All in all lovely work Nessa!
I never knew you were such a talented writer ^^

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TeacupChimera In reply to FireToIce [2012-08-31 23:46:51 +0000 UTC]

Gosh, I'm so happy reading this critique! I wasn't totally sure about this piece since it's so short. I'm so glad you liked it though ;v;

Yes, that was to show the fast passage of time since oil-covered things shed water really quickly. I wrote it rather abstractly because that's how it came into my mind. XD

Aww, thank you so much ;o; <33
It means a lot to me

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FireToIce In reply to TeacupChimera [2012-09-30 15:49:11 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome Nessa ^-^
I'm glad you think its a fair critique

Ah okay I see c:

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Pikerth [2012-08-26 20:34:53 +0000 UTC]

Interesting concept with the Manor and the character's background with her family being in a bunch of different yet interesting careers. Is the blossom in the title referring to Marigold?

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TeacupChimera In reply to Pikerth [2012-08-27 00:31:18 +0000 UTC]

Yes, that's what I was going for with the title. X3

Do you think I should write more? This is just a tiny tiny intro to her family/life without going into her personality or the actual plot, soo.. X'D

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Pikerth In reply to TeacupChimera [2012-08-27 00:33:49 +0000 UTC]

You should definitely write more, don't be discouraged if people don't comment. I think it would be lovely if you continued. <3

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TeacupChimera In reply to Pikerth [2012-08-27 00:44:37 +0000 UTC]

Awesome, thank you so much ;w;

I'll try to keep writing it. And if you have any critiques, just tell me! I'm not a perfect writer by any means X'D

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Pikerth In reply to TeacupChimera [2012-08-27 00:46:15 +0000 UTC]

So far so good, no need for critiques from me, I see nothing wrong. So looking forward to your next works. <3

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TeacupChimera In reply to Pikerth [2012-08-27 00:47:32 +0000 UTC]

Yay omg ;o;

I'm so happy right now~ <3

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Pikerth In reply to TeacupChimera [2012-08-27 00:49:41 +0000 UTC]

herpaderp one more essay for ap psych wooooop

There goes my grammar.

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TeacupChimera In reply to Pikerth [2012-08-27 00:51:40 +0000 UTC]

X'DDDD

God I hated Galusha so much. Have fun though, it really is an interesting class.

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Pikerth In reply to TeacupChimera [2012-08-27 00:56:01 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I suppose I will have fun. Herp, you're a senior. Zomg

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TeacupChimera In reply to Pikerth [2012-08-27 01:05:04 +0000 UTC]

Aaaagh don't remind me ;n; *whimpers*

Also that custom is not your last adopt

I demand you make another sheet

Do eet nao >:U

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Pikerth In reply to TeacupChimera [2012-08-27 01:06:30 +0000 UTC]

Lol, actually, the last adopts I'm doing are some creature concepts I promised someone and I have to have it by tomorrow.. 8 creatures iasjoaisjoias

//also your leviathan

//killsself I can't draw animals ;u;

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TeacupChimera In reply to Pikerth [2012-08-27 01:13:00 +0000 UTC]

Nuuu no last adopts ;n;

Haha I meant kemonomimi silly gooselet

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Pikerth In reply to TeacupChimera [2012-08-27 01:14:13 +0000 UTC]

I meant the creature concepts //shot can't draw animals

And I know it's kemonomimi poohead

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TeacupChimera In reply to Pikerth [2012-08-27 01:21:27 +0000 UTC]

X'DDDDD

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