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teejaii — SMV: Sailor Vermilion drops in pg 2
Published: 2013-06-17 17:22:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 176; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 0
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pg 1
pg 2 <-
pg 3
Sailor Moon (c) Naoko Takeuchi
Sailor Vermilion (c) me
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Comments: 5
Oh no, tripping!
I think I read the panels in the wrong direction and I can see why: I first saw Jaques tripping, then I saw her watching Serenity's hologram, and then I saw her on the floor. This is because your page size doesn't allow me to notice the bottom left panel until after I scroll down. Your page size is fine, but I want you to keep in mind how panel flow works when people are viewing your comic at that size.
Your lineart is even simpler here, so I want to see more dynamic lineart from you in future comics! The way you are inking your work now, it gives off the impression of an unfinished comic even if you consider it done. Throwing in some colors or grayscale will help, but ultimately pleeeease use a slightly thicker pen, it will help you tons. And look up some tutorials for dynamic lineart as well.
It also wasn't clear that the cat had left the envelope -- in fact, is Jaques still at the place she was at on the last page? If she was, I would have liked to see that guy again instead of you skimping to "stick figures". I would also have put more emphasis on the cat, since it really does appear out of nowhere. When writing your story, make sure to gradually introduce elements instead of just suddenly bringing them in (unless you mean to surprise us of course) -- that's the key to a good transition!
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I've gone and done a search on page sizing so I hope my next few pages come out a bit better XD
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That guy in the back must have had a heart attack at her disappearing XD
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