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Description
Chapter I

He awoke from the darkness of unknowing, and found himself in a small clearing, midst a massive forest. Everything around him was green, so deep, and alive that it pulsed with energy and life. He saw small colors and lights dancing around the clearing, disregarding them, he got up slowly, and tried to assess the situation. As he could plainly see the trees around him we all enveloping, one couldn’t find this garden without knowing exactly where it was. And as he peered past the trees, he could see… but despite seeing… he couldn’t comprehend. It was as though something was blocking his mind from true understanding, and the more he tried to understand what he saw, the more his head throbbed, so slowly he gave up and looked elsewhere. The only thing in this grove aside from the pulsing grass and plant life was a single table, and around it danced the small lights. There were light purple and deep red “fireflies” he called them, the light purple stayed to the left, while the red stayed to the right. He wished they would mingle together, he thought they would be rather beautiful and entrancing together, however, they were more or less repulsed by each other. When he looked upon the table he felt the same feeling as he did when he looked into the woods, and he gave up before even trying.
He tried to feel the temperature… the atmosphere. But he couldn’t feel it. He knew there was wind, but he didn’t hear its soft song, nor feel its satin touch. He just knew. He looked up, and again the feeling. It was as though the only thing in the universe was this garden, and trying to find more tore at his sanity. He sat down on the ground. Again, the feeling of knowledge, but the feeling of nothingness. He touched the grass, and though he knew it to be supple, though he knew it to be warm, he felt nothing. It almost reminded him of his life without Emily. Surround by so much beauty, yet incapable of enjoying it…
He closed his eyes, and tried to rest, but could find none. “If this is to be my own personal hell then so be it. Unless she lay in heaven, heaven would be no more than an extension of hell.” Then he heard something, everything had been so silent, nothing made sound, he simply knew it, but now he heard something, and it startled him, causing him to jump in surprise. What was the sound… laughter? Here?
Indeed, it was laughter, a beautiful, soft, melodious sound. It wasn’t sound in the technical sense, it was a sensation, it was like his sense had adapted to something new, that could pick up on otherworldly sensations, but no physical sensations. He shook these thoughts away quickly, for the sound was getting closer. He glared in the direction, and the barrier of sorts prevented his mind out of the grove. Then he saw a finger pierce the veil blocking his vision. It slowly danced around, mockingly, and it closed and opened, as if to say “Come and get me!” Gabriel heard the laughter again from the direction of the finger, and he heard a heavy sigh, which could have been mistaken for a growl, from behind him.
“Enough with the mocking!” said the hauntingly smooth voice. He wouldn’t say beautiful, no. It was ethereal, but it still made him feel… at ease. It was almost sickening though, it made him feel submissive. He tried to shake the haze, and turned behind him to see the origin of this sound. He saw a tall man, or he thought a man, its features were feminine and masculine. When he tried to focus to determine gender, but his eyes followed the flow of a gentle mist as it ebbed back and forth around his body, leading his eyes astray. Having had enough of forces deceiving his senses he gave up and focused on the being rather than any single part of it.
It was maybe seven feet tall, and strikingly beautiful. Not beautiful by any human ideals, but the contours of its face were perfect in every sense. The skin on his flesh was so white it radiated every ray of light that touched his skin, giving form to the mist flowing around him. More purple fireflies skittered around it in the air. It wore white robes, and they were nearly the only part of the being that didn’t reflect the light. The robe was wrapped around it waist, and wore a plate of steel upon its breast. The area around it was tranquil and peaceful. However, it felt strained, as though he knew not to feel at ease, but he had no choice. Then he noticed the eyes, he looked into them, and saw the very essence of light. Even more so they gave him a sense of duty. As if the being was composed completely of the light and of justice. His eyes weren’t white, no, they were like a small silver sun, and from it radiated the pure light, unknown to all upon the earth.
When he looked into its deep eyes, suddenly images entered his mind, he saw his wife and child dancing in a small brook. Smiling, laughing and truly happy. He heard her voice, she said “I love you.” The same silken voice he remembered. She reached out to touch him, and then faded, leaving him in this cruel plane of existence once more. He needed to cry, but his body wouldn’t allow it, so he fell to the grass reeling in the pain of the memories.
He could practically hear the rolling of the being’s eyes when he hit the ground, and the creature said, “Get up Gabriel. For love of my liege, get up. I am in no mood for melodramatics. Get up, and allow us to be off with our duties!” Slowly he recovered from the vision, his body cold despite itself. Once he recovered, he heard the other being begin to approach. It stepped beside the table, on the right side. The opposing being of light stood in silent melancholy on the left.
Indeed the contrast between the two beings was stark. On the one side was the being of light, and here… It was clothed in a black robe, wrapped around his waist, exposing the repulsively yellow skin of his body. As opposed to the even skin of the other being, this black robed being’s skin was cracked and marred. It reminded me of old worn newspaper, and indeed, there were even runes scared into his flesh. Some seemed burned, others cut. The ones that were cut bled a small bit, though the blood was sickeningly black, almost like oil. The ones that were burned in almost seemed to suck in all the light from a small area around them, causing light and an emptiness to swirl around them. When he tried to read them, he couldn’t but they left him with a feeling of fear and unrest. The face of the creature was once again strikingly perfect, though scarred and burned. They looked to be brothers, as though one lived a life of comfort and lived by a code of duty, and held himself to the utmost of standards. The other seemed to have lived a life of agony, and torture, Once again, the aura of the being left him feeling submissive, albeit more out of fear than comfort.
Then his glance fell upon its eyes. It was like looking upon the other’s eyes, though not the same. They were as a collapsed star, extinguished of all good, and justice. They were the blackest of all things, to the point where they consumed all light around them. Then he felt it. Pain ripping through his body. He fell to the ground quivering, convulsing upon the soft grass. Images flooded his mind. He saw his wife. She was nailed to a wall while a group of men held burning torches up to her skin, burning her flesh, without consuming her. And he saw his daughter… tied and bound… he smelled the sulfur… he began to cry despite his body. She was over a black lake, slowly lowered in. She cried “Daddy…” and sobbed quietly, as if she had long ago been broken of a will to live. He noticed the reflection off the water. It was red... the same hue as a rose... Then the water began to undulate beneath the surface, and waves of the liquid crashed around, as though some creature below awaited its prize. The waves were as blood when they passed in front of the fire light burning his wife. The burning pole pierced his love, and the line to his daughter’s cage was severed. With a roar of pain he was ripped from the vision and he began twisting upon the ground hearing their screams despite the dream’s passing. The screams went on, as did the beings laughter for some time, as if it were trying to break him.
Suddenly the screams stopped, and the intensity of the dream had faded away. “Enough of this torture,” he heard something follow those words, but he couldn’t’ understand. It was not a sound, nor even a word. The other being closed its eyes, then opened its mouth in protest. Gabriel caught a quick glimpse inside the being’s mouth and saw… nothing. He could see nothing, indeed it was as though all the light in the world was being sucked in, however, finding no clever remark, it closed its mouth, in defeat.
Smugly, the being of light announced, “Mortal, or rather, he who was once mortal, I welcome you, to Eden. A fitting place for you to make your choice once more, am I not correct?”
The other picked up where his partner had left off, “I would say so as well. After all, every choice a human has ever made to do with his damnation seems to be made within these sacred grounds.”
“Ahem,” retorted the other being, annoyed by the interruption, “We are angels, or rather I am an angel and he was an angel who decided to give up his honor to live in degradation and filth.”
The other quickly sneered back, “You of course mean I evolved from my lowly existence and became a free being, as opposed to one unenlightened fool, clutching to the chains of imprisonment.”
“Ugh,” sighed the angel, “Must we have the same argument, word for word with every mortal who ends their miserable existence?”
The other promptly replied, “Yes,” as if there was no way to avoid it.
“In any case, we are your guardian angels, and your conscience. We guided you through life, and you made us look bad by killing yourself.” Gabriel was stung by the words, how could an angel be so cruel?
“Pathetic. You lose an annoying child. You lose a lover. Just make another brat with another lover. For the love of discord, grow some… what is the phrase my brother?” Gabriel was glaring at the being, cursing it with every bit of his soul.
“Grow some spheres? I don’t care, why are we still having this discussion!?! Begin explaining your part.”
“Wait!” demanded Gabriel. “Enough with ‘your parts,’ tell me why the hell I am here!”
He was replied with a silent glare from the yellow skinned fallen. “Maybe if you would check your tongue, of inferior being, we would tell you WHY you are here. MUST WE DEAL WITH THIS INSUBORDINATION BROTHER!?! LET’S JUST DAMN HIM TO HELL AND LAUGH AS HIS PUNISHMENT IS DEALT!”
The other grimaced, “That would make our jobs obsolete my brother, so, we must indeed put up with this. Otherwise, we have failed, and our masters truly hate when we fail, because when we fail… you know what happens.”
Ignoring his brother’s remarks, he grumbled then continued. “We are your guardian angels. You killed yourself, which means we failed in making you choose. As such, you choose, NOW. You see the table? It now has a plate of food upon it. The bread of Christ, and the fruit of sin. You must choose. Heaven. Hell. Left. Right. Right. Wrong. Order and discipline. Chaos and dissension.”
Gabriel looked upon the table. Though he could see a plate, the areas flanking it were still obscure. He focused his attention on the plate. It was relatively plain, a silver dish, with a piece of flat bread, and an odd fruit. It seemed to swirl with red and black juices beneath a translucent skin. It reminded him of a water balloon. He walked slowly up to the plate… thinking of the two visions. Both were so real. He only wanted to be with his love. Heaven or hell be damned…
Ok… if I choose heaven, and she is there… I will be happy for eternity… If hell… then we will be tortured forever… but I can try and keep her safe. And if I am wrong and choose heaven… I might as well have chosen hell… To know that my love suffers forever… But if I chose hell and she wasn’t there… I could be happy… even just slightly to know that she lies at peace in heaven… The only safe choice I have is hell… Gabriel grimaced at the thought, but in his mind the only way he could survive. He picked up the thin skinned fruit. It squished between his fingers, it even felt like a water balloon. He wondered if it was the same fruit which Adam and Eve ate of, right before he pursed his lips to it.
As soon as his lips touched the cold fruit, the skin burst, and a think red syrup spilled upon his grey robe. He wiped it up, and the texture… it was as blood. Suddenly his mind was filled with horror and pain, and he reeled upon the ground. He looked up, to see the fiend causing him this pain, and he thought of any way he could to defy this cruel being. He opened his eyes for a moment and saw his smiling bride as she pierced his chest with the burning spear. His lungs collapsed and his chest was searing from the inside out. His lungs tried so hard they tore themselves, just for one breath, but he could find none. His heart stopped beating. He died. But his conscious remained. He remembered her smiling face as she impaled him. Then he awoke, in the lake of fire once more, he looked down. Alice. His loving daughter. She smiled and pulled out a knife, close to her wrists. She smiled at him and giggled, “I love you daddy!” He closed his eyes, but her image was ingrained in his eyes. His lids were closed but he could see her standing there, like some visage of a nightmare that would never end. She fell limp upon the ground with few convulsions. He watched he lie there for hours. Then Emily came in. She held a gun. She was just as beautiful as in any memory he held of her. She was his angel in this hell. The only thing that could save him. She held the gun her flawless eye. His eyes were closed fast, he couldn’t take it. But he saw her still. The shot rang true. Her lovely face was marred as she fell to the floor. He looked upon her… her face, half was as perfect as ever, flawless in every way. The other half was warped and bruised. She looked up to him, and despite the disfigurement he could see a look of accusing… a look of betrayal across her face. Suddenly he was back in the garden, but the pain and agony of the dream tore at him still, making him roll upon the ground, like a whipped dog.
Then both beings laughed, and the light one spoke. “It seems hell isn’t for you child, though now you have had a taste, better try out for heaven.” Gabriel eyed them suspiciously, and picked up the bread. Despite his hell being far more unimaginable than he imagined, he was still at ease… maybe she was in heaven for him. Maybe she was his reward for a life of helping others. The thought comforted him, and he picked up the bread. He remembered his love, and closed his eyes to remember all the clearer. He could almost feel her lips on his own, her soft skin against his finger tips and the warmth of her chest on his cheek. He smiled, and knowing he would be with her soon, took a bite from the bread. It was sweet, like honey bread. Suddenly he looked upon his love. She was so close, she kissed his lips, and pulled him down to her. “Emily…” he whimpered. She lovingly pulled his head into her chest, and he listened to her heartbeat, and he felt all warmth he had ever felt. Finally, he was held by her again, and he could find peace. Then Alice ran into the lovely garden, and hugged and kissed her daddy. “Can we be a family again mommy?” Gabriel smiled and said “Of course we can darling. Daddy’s never leaving again.” He held her so close, and tight, making her feel safe. Then he heard behind him a gentle loving voice. The voice of his love. “We will never be a family again.” He was ripped from his vision once more, and this world he existed within was just as dark as the hells he had been saved from earlier. He looked up with pleading eyes, as if to beg his guardians to let him free. To end this torment. He was bereft of all words, and only muttered, “please…”
Both angels stood solemnly, and the dark one spoke, “And that is a taste of heaven, something far from your reach. Oh my friend, I hope you enjoy this punishment, reserved for those who end their own existence. There is no heaven there is no hell. You get to shuffle between the two!” Gabriel staggered back… he fell to his knees. This was everything he could have hoped to take. And he fell to the ground, ready to live out his existence in this garden of beauty that could not be enjoyed. He fell into a trance he was at least comfortable in the fact that this was over. No more torture. He could sleep out his existence as another forgotten soul. Never at peace, but it never mattered. He would never be at peace without her again.
Seeming to sense his thoughts of slumber, and peace, they both turned and laughed at each other. “My friend, why do you lay down? It is time to choose once more!” Gabriel turned his face up, and to his horror he saw the plate full again.
“No… No… it… it cannot be… how can I be asked to endure this torture constantly? Why must I do this? I cannot take this, what cruel God forces me to go through this!?!” They both looked at each other disapprovingly.
The fallen replied, “My friend, you have brought all punishment upon yourself. He gave you a choice, him or his enemies. You chose the cowards way out. You chose not to choose, and as such you are given both. Even in hell, a soul will find peace. Once it is broken of everything. Once it is a shattered and wretched creature it will have peace. For why keep torturing one without hope? They merely wander the darkest halls and are known to be wise beyond all mortals. For one without hope cannot feel agony.”
The angel smiled, “You however will be given hope each day. A healthy dose of joy and sorry, intermingling for a succulent bittersweet existence. You get your joy, and you get your pain. You never have to decide either way, so you in a sense made you r choice not to choose.” Gabriel was wild eyed at this point. His fear was overtaking him. He could never take seeing his love and daughter everyday, only to see them both die in any number of ways during the same day. He had lost them once, and now he was to lose them and regain them every day of his future existence. He would have never seen this glimmer of joy as the thing that makes his existence so much worse than that of the damned. Hell is like breaking every bone in someone’s body, then tossing them aside. This is like breaking one bone, letting it heal, and breaking another.
He looked at them viciously, then whimpered, “What if I run? There must be a way from this garden. And if I find it and escape…” The light one frowned and the fallen one grinned.
Almost in perfect synchronization they said, “Try it.” Gabriel was suspicious, but knew that anything was better than this. He sprinted to the trees, and forced himself past the block. Through the barrier that blocked his sight and senses. Suddenly he stood within white. He looked about him. But all it was, was white. It was as though his whole body was encased with in a white suit, but it was ever expansive. It was as though everything was here, but as small as he felt within this plane, it felt oppressive, bearing down upon him. Crushing him. Quickly he felt both lost and alone and claustrophobic, and the emotions wear tearing at both sides of his sanity. Through the white he thought he saw something. A black speck. He opened his eyes wide, and ran. The black disappeared as soon as he tried to pick it up. And the oppressive white bore upon him all the more fiercely.
He closed his eyes to escape. Then he saw nothing. It wasn’t blackness, just as the whiteness was everything, this blackness was nothing. It was nonexistence, as though he were a thought drifting in space. He felt numbed to everything around him. He thought he opened his eyes, but he wasn’t sure, because nothing changed. Nothing would ever change. Suddenly the black became oppressive. He struggled and tried to move, but to no avail. He screamed in his mind, but heard nothing. He moved his arms, but nothing could prove that he had. It was as though he was being constrained by nothing, and it was just as terrifying as being constrained by everything. His eyes opened again, and the white bore down once more. Like a straight jacket composed of everything, he lied down, but as he tried, it felt like the world spun with him. Was he even standing? Was he laying down? He knew not. He just gave up.
Just as he closed his eyes to fade into the blackness an gelid hand, and a fiercely hot hand grabbed him and pulled him into the garden. They looked down on him and smiled, and in their synchronized voice, they cheerily added, “One shouldn’t try to leave the garden. It just isn’t safe for one’s sanity. Any fate is better than being in that open space. Agreed?”
Gabriel looked up to them, tears cascading from his cheeks, he slowly gathered the strength of will to plead like a broken man, “Is there no other way?” Their smiles made him leery, but any hell was better than this oasis midst nothingness.

Description
Chapter I

He awoke from the darkness of unknowing, and found himself in a small clearing, midst a massive forest. Everything around him was green, so deep, and alive that it pulsed with energy and life. He saw small colors and lights dancing around the clearing, disregarding them, he got up slowly, and tried to assess the situation. As he could plainly see the trees around him we all enveloping, one couldn’t find this garden without knowing exactly where it was. And as he peered past the trees, he could see… but despite seeing… he couldn’t comprehend. It was as though something was blocking his mind from true understanding, and the more he tried to understand what he saw, the more his head throbbed, so slowly he gave up and looked elsewhere. The only thing in this grove aside from the pulsing grass and plant life was a single table, and around it danced the small lights. There were light purple and deep red “fireflies” he called them, the light purple stayed to the left, while the red stayed to the right. He wished they would mingle together, he thought they would be rather beautiful and entrancing together, however, they were more or less repulsed by each other. When he looked upon the table he felt the same feeling as he did when he looked into the woods, and he gave up before even trying.
He tried to feel the temperature… the atmosphere. But he couldn’t feel it. He knew there was wind, but he didn’t hear its soft song, nor feel its satin touch. He just knew. He looked up, and again the feeling. It was as though the only thing in the universe was this garden, and trying to find more tore at his sanity. He sat down on the ground. Again, the feeling of knowledge, but the feeling of nothingness. He touched the grass, and though he knew it to be supple, though he knew it to be warm, he felt nothing. It almost reminded him of his life without Emily. Surround by so much beauty, yet incapable of enjoying it…
He closed his eyes, and tried to rest, but could find none. “If this is to be my own personal hell then so be it. Unless she lay in heaven, heaven would be no more than an extension of hell.” Then he heard something, everything had been so silent, nothing made sound, he simply knew it, but now he heard something, and it startled him, causing him to jump in surprise. What was the sound… laughter? Here?
Indeed, it was laughter, a beautiful, soft, melodious sound. It wasn’t sound in the technical sense, it was a sensation, it was like his sense had adapted to something new, that could pick up on otherworldly sensations, but no physical sensations. He shook these thoughts away quickly, for the sound was getting closer. He glared in the direction, and the barrier of sorts prevented his mind out of the grove. Then he saw a finger pierce the veil blocking his vision. It slowly danced around, mockingly, and it closed and opened, as if to say “Come and get me!” Gabriel heard the laughter again from the direction of the finger, and he heard a heavy sigh, which could have been mistaken for a growl, from behind him.
“Enough with the mocking!” said the hauntingly smooth voice. He wouldn’t say beautiful, no. It was ethereal, but it still made him feel… at ease. It was almost sickening though, it made him feel submissive. He tried to shake the haze, and turned behind him to see the origin of this sound. He saw a tall man, or he thought a man, its features were feminine and masculine. When he tried to focus to determine gender, but his eyes followed the flow of a gentle mist as it ebbed back and forth around his body, leading his eyes astray. Having had enough of forces deceiving his senses he gave up and focused on the being rather than any single part of it.
It was maybe seven feet tall, and strikingly beautiful. Not beautiful by any human ideals, but the contours of its face were perfect in every sense. The skin on his flesh was so white it radiated every ray of light that touched his skin, giving form to the mist flowing around him. More purple fireflies skittered around it in the air. It wore white robes, and they were nearly the only part of the being that didn’t reflect the light. The robe was wrapped around it waist, and wore a plate of steel upon its breast. The area around it was tranquil and peaceful. However, it felt strained, as though he knew not to feel at ease, but he had no choice. Then he noticed the eyes, he looked into them, and saw the very essence of light. Even more so they gave him a sense of duty. As if the being was composed completely of the light and of justice. His eyes weren’t white, no, they were like a small silver sun, and from it radiated the pure light, unknown to all upon the earth.
When he looked into its deep eyes, suddenly images entered his mind, he saw his wife and child dancing in a small brook. Smiling, laughing and truly happy. He heard her voice, she said “I love you.” The same silken voice he remembered. She reached out to touch him, and then faded, leaving him in this cruel plane of existence once more. He needed to cry, but his body wouldn’t allow it, so he fell to the grass reeling in the pain of the memories.
He could practically hear the rolling of the being’s eyes when he hit the ground, and the creature said, “Get up Gabriel. For love of my liege, get up. I am in no mood for melodramatics. Get up, and allow us to be off with our duties!” Slowly he recovered from the vision, his body cold despite itself. Once he recovered, he heard the other being begin to approach. It stepped beside the table, on the right side. The opposing being of light stood in silent melancholy on the left.
Indeed the contrast between the two beings was stark. On the one side was the being of light, and here… It was clothed in a black robe, wrapped around his waist, exposing the repulsively yellow skin of his body. As opposed to the even skin of the other being, this black robed being’s skin was cracked and marred. It reminded me of old worn newspaper, and indeed, there were even runes scared into his flesh. Some seemed burned, others cut. The ones that were cut bled a small bit, though the blood was sickeningly black, almost like oil. The ones that were burned in almost seemed to suck in all the light from a small area around them, causing light and an emptiness to swirl around them. When he tried to read them, he couldn’t but they left him with a feeling of fear and unrest. The face of the creature was once again strikingly perfect, though scarred and burned. They looked to be brothers, as though one lived a life of comfort and lived by a code of duty, and held himself to the utmost of standards. The other seemed to have lived a life of agony, and torture, Once again, the aura of the being left him feeling submissive, albeit more out of fear than comfort.
Then his glance fell upon its eyes. It was like looking upon the other’s eyes, though not the same. They were as a collapsed star, extinguished of all good, and justice. They were the blackest of all things, to the point where they consumed all light around them. Then he felt it. Pain ripping through his body. He fell to the ground quivering, convulsing upon the soft grass. Images flooded his mind. He saw his wife. She was nailed to a wall while a group of men held burning torches up to her skin, burning her flesh, without consuming her. And he saw his daughter… tied and bound… he smelled the sulfur… he began to cry despite his body. She was over a black lake, slowly lowered in. She cried “Daddy…” and sobbed quietly, as if she had long ago been broken of a will to live. He noticed the reflection off the water. It was red... the same hue as a rose... Then the water began to undulate beneath the surface, and waves of the liquid crashed around, as though some creature below awaited its prize. The waves were as blood when they passed in front of the fire light burning his wife. The burning pole pierced his love, and the line to his daughter’s cage was severed. With a roar of pain he was ripped from the vision and he began twisting upon the ground hearing their screams despite the dream’s passing. The screams went on, as did the beings laughter for some time, as if it were trying to break him.
Suddenly the screams stopped, and the intensity of the dream had faded away. “Enough of this torture,” he heard something follow those words, but he couldn’t’ understand. It was not a sound, nor even a word. The other being closed its eyes, then opened its mouth in protest. Gabriel caught a quick glimpse inside the being’s mouth and saw… nothing. He could see nothing, indeed it was as though all the light in the world was being sucked in, however, finding no clever remark, it closed its mouth, in defeat.
Smugly, the being of light announced, “Mortal, or rather, he who was once mortal, I welcome you, to Eden. A fitting place for you to make your choice once more, am I not correct?”
The other picked up where his partner had left off, “I would say so as well. After all, every choice a human has ever made to do with his damnation seems to be made within these sacred grounds.”
“Ahem,” retorted the other being, annoyed by the interruption, “We are angels, or rather I am an angel and he was an angel who decided to give up his honor to live in degradation and filth.”
The other quickly sneered back, “You of course mean I evolved from my lowly existence and became a free being, as opposed to one unenlightened fool, clutching to the chains of imprisonment.”
“Ugh,” sighed the angel, “Must we have the same argument, word for word with every mortal who ends their miserable existence?”
The other promptly replied, “Yes,” as if there was no way to avoid it.
“In any case, we are your guardian angels, and your conscience. We guided you through life, and you made us look bad by killing yourself.” Gabriel was stung by the words, how could an angel be so cruel?
“Pathetic. You lose an annoying child. You lose a lover. Just make another brat with another lover. For the love of discord, grow some… what is the phrase my brother?” Gabriel was glaring at the being, cursing it with every bit of his soul.
“Grow some spheres? I don’t care, why are we still having this discussion!?! Begin explaining your part.”
“Wait!” demanded Gabriel. “Enough with ‘your parts,’ tell me why the hell I am here!”
He was replied with a silent glare from the yellow skinned fallen. “Maybe if you would check your tongue, of inferior being, we would tell you WHY you are here. MUST WE DEAL WITH THIS INSUBORDINATION BROTHER!?! LET’S JUST DAMN HIM TO HELL AND LAUGH AS HIS PUNISHMENT IS DEALT!”
The other grimaced, “That would make our jobs obsolete my brother, so, we must indeed put up with this. Otherwise, we have failed, and our masters truly hate when we fail, because when we fail… you know what happens.”
Ignoring his brother’s remarks, he grumbled then continued. “We are your guardian angels. You killed yourself, which means we failed in making you choose. As such, you choose, NOW. You see the table? It now has a plate of food upon it. The bread of Christ, and the fruit of sin. You must choose. Heaven. Hell. Left. Right. Right. Wrong. Order and discipline. Chaos and dissension.”
Gabriel looked upon the table. Though he could see a plate, the areas flanking it were still obscure. He focused his attention on the plate. It was relatively plain, a silver dish, with a piece of flat bread, and an odd fruit. It seemed to swirl with red and black juices beneath a translucent skin. It reminded him of a water balloon. He walked slowly up to the plate… thinking of the two visions. Both were so real. He only wanted to be with his love. Heaven or hell be damned…
Ok… if I choose heaven, and she is there… I will be happy for eternity… If hell… then we will be tortured forever… but I can try and keep her safe. And if I am wrong and choose heaven… I might as well have chosen hell… To know that my love suffers forever… But if I chose hell and she wasn’t there… I could be happy… even just slightly to know that she lies at peace in heaven… The only safe choice I have is hell… Gabriel grimaced at the thought, but in his mind the only way he could survive. He picked up the thin skinned fruit. It squished between his fingers, it even felt like a water balloon. He wondered if it was the same fruit which Adam and Eve ate of, right before he pursed his lips to it.
As soon as his lips touched the cold fruit, the skin burst, and a think red syrup spilled upon his grey robe. He wiped it up, and the texture… it was as blood. Suddenly his mind was filled with horror and pain, and he reeled upon the ground. He looked up, to see the fiend causing him this pain, and he thought of any way he could to defy this cruel being. He opened his eyes for a moment and saw his smiling bride as she pierced his chest with the burning spear. His lungs collapsed and his chest was searing from the inside out. His lungs tried so hard they tore themselves, just for one breath, but he could find none. His heart stopped beating. He died. But his conscious remained. He remembered her smiling face as she impaled him. Then he awoke, in the lake of fire once more, he looked down. Alice. His loving daughter. She smiled and pulled out a knife, close to her wrists. She smiled at him and giggled, “I love you daddy!” He closed his eyes, but her image was ingrained in his eyes. His lids were closed but he could see her standing there, like some visage of a nightmare that would never end. She fell limp upon the ground with few convulsions. He watched he lie there for hours. Then Emily came in. She held a gun. She was just as beautiful as in any memory he held of her. She was his angel in this hell. The only thing that could save him. She held the gun her flawless eye. His eyes were closed fast, he couldn’t take it. But he saw her still. The shot rang true. Her lovely face was marred as she fell to the floor. He looked upon her… her face, half was as perfect as ever, flawless in every way. The other half was warped and bruised. She looked up to him, and despite the disfigurement he could see a look of accusing… a look of betrayal across her face. Suddenly he was back in the garden, but the pain and agony of the dream tore at him still, making him roll upon the ground, like a whipped dog.
Then both beings laughed, and the light one spoke. “It seems hell isn’t for you child, though now you have had a taste, better try out for heaven.” Gabriel eyed them suspiciously, and picked up the bread. Despite his hell being far more unimaginable than he imagined, he was still at ease… maybe she was in heaven for him. Maybe she was his reward for a life of helping others. The thought comforted him, and he picked up the bread. He remembered his love, and closed his eyes to remember all the clearer. He could almost feel her lips on his own, her soft skin against his finger tips and the warmth of her chest on his cheek. He smiled, and knowing he would be with her soon, took a bite from the bread. It was sweet, like honey bread. Suddenly he looked upon his love. She was so close, she kissed his lips, and pulled him down to her. “Emily…” he whimpered. She lovingly pulled his head into her chest, and he listened to her heartbeat, and he felt all warmth he had ever felt. Finally, he was held by her again, and he could find peace. Then Alice ran into the lovely garden, and hugged and kissed her daddy. “Can we be a family again mommy?” Gabriel smiled and said “Of course we can darling. Daddy’s never leaving again.” He held her so close, and tight, making her feel safe. Then he heard behind him a gentle loving voice. The voice of his love. “We will never be a family again.” He was ripped from his vision once more, and this world he existed within was just as dark as the hells he had been saved from earlier. He looked up with pleading eyes, as if to beg his guardians to let him free. To end this torment. He was bereft of all words, and only muttered, “please…”
Both angels stood solemnly, and the dark one spoke, “And that is a taste of heaven, something far from your reach. Oh my friend, I hope you enjoy this punishment, reserved for those who end their own existence. There is no heaven there is no hell. You get to shuffle between the two!” Gabriel staggered back… he fell to his knees. This was everything he could have hoped to take. And he fell to the ground, ready to live out his existence in this garden of beauty that could not be enjoyed. He fell into a trance he was at least comfortable in the fact that this was over. No more torture. He could sleep out his existence as another forgotten soul. Never at peace, but it never mattered. He would never be at peace without her again.
Seeming to sense his thoughts of slumber, and peace, they both turned and laughed at each other. “My friend, why do you lay down? It is time to choose once more!” Gabriel turned his face up, and to his horror he saw the plate full again.
“No… No… it… it cannot be… how can I be asked to endure this torture constantly? Why must I do this? I cannot take this, what cruel God forces me to go through this!?!” They both looked at each other disapprovingly.
The fallen replied, “My friend, you have brought all punishment upon yourself. He gave you a choice, him or his enemies. You chose the cowards way out. You chose not to choose, and as such you are given both. Even in hell, a soul will find peace. Once it is broken of everything. Once it is a shattered and wretched creature it will have peace. For why keep torturing one without hope? They merely wander the darkest halls and are known to be wise beyond all mortals. For one without hope cannot feel agony.”
The angel smiled, “You however will be given hope each day. A healthy dose of joy and sorry, intermingling for a succulent bittersweet existence. You get your joy, and you get your pain. You never have to decide either way, so you in a sense made you r choice not to choose.” Gabriel was wild eyed at this point. His fear was overtaking him. He could never take seeing his love and daughter everyday, only to see them both die in any number of ways during the same day. He had lost them once, and now he was to lose them and regain them every day of his future existence. He would have never seen this glimmer of joy as the thing that makes his existence so much worse than that of the damned. Hell is like breaking every bone in someone’s body, then tossing them aside. This is like breaking one bone, letting it heal, and breaking another.
He looked at them viciously, then whimpered, “What if I run? There must be a way from this garden. And if I find it and escape…” The light one frowned and the fallen one grinned.
Almost in perfect synchronization they said, “Try it.” Gabriel was suspicious, but knew that anything was better than this. He sprinted to the trees, and forced himself past the block. Through the barrier that blocked his sight and senses. Suddenly he stood within white. He looked about him. But all it was, was white. It was as though his whole body was encased with in a white suit, but it was ever expansive. It was as though everything was here, but as small as he felt within this plane, it felt oppressive, bearing down upon him. Crushing him. Quickly he felt both lost and alone and claustrophobic, and the emotions wear tearing at both sides of his sanity. Through the white he thought he saw something. A black speck. He opened his eyes wide, and ran. The black disappeared as soon as he tried to pick it up. And the oppressive white bore upon him all the more fiercely.
He closed his eyes to escape. Then he saw nothing. It wasn’t blackness, just as the whiteness was everything, this blackness was nothing. It was nonexistence, as though he were a thought drifting in space. He felt numbed to everything around him. He thought he opened his eyes, but he wasn’t sure, because nothing changed. Nothing would ever change. Suddenly the black became oppressive. He struggled and tried to move, but to no avail. He screamed in his mind, but heard nothing. He moved his arms, but nothing could prove that he had. It was as though he was being constrained by nothing, and it was just as terrifying as being constrained by everything. His eyes opened again, and the white bore down once more. Like a straight jacket composed of everything, he lied down, but as he tried, it felt like the world spun with him. Was he even standing? Was he laying down? He knew not. He just gave up.
Just as he closed his eyes to fade into the blackness an gelid hand, and a fiercely hot hand grabbed him and pulled him into the garden. They looked down on him and smiled, and in their synchronized voice, they cheerily added, “One shouldn’t try to leave the garden. It just isn’t safe for one’s sanity. Any fate is better than being in that open space. Agreed?”
Gabriel looked up to them, tears cascading from his cheeks, he slowly gathered the strength of will to plead like a broken man, “Is there no other way?” Their smiles made him leery, but any hell was better than this oasis midst nothingness.