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Description
Very quick note: This includes a lot of 'bohemian rhapsody' by queen, so if you haven't heard it before, firstly shame on you you've been missing out, secondly listen, so you get an idea of the magnitude of the song. Link in the description! enjoy.

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Soapy water squelched into the material of your trousers at the knees, as you scrubbed at a mysterious smudge of what you hoped was dirt on the floor. You scowled at its refusal to come off, pressing the scrubbing brush hard into the rich wooden boards and attacking the mark with renewed vigour, swearing quietly as you went along.

Scrub every second floor corridor spotless; the punishment, astoundingly, was not from your boyfriend, aka Corporal Clean-Freak, but Erwin Smith. It was more than humiliating to be reprimanded by the Commander of the Survey Corps, the biggest big cheese, let alone be caught for your crimes. How Connie and Sasha had convinced you that spiking tonight’s stew was a good idea was beyond you.

A muffled noise, a thump, interrupted your thoughts, and you looked down to see if the roguish smudge had been vanquished. You hissed in frustration, it had not, and instead appeared to have grown in size. Another thump distracted you; it was louder this time, coming from down the corridor. Curious, you abandoned your bucket and brush and tiptoed along the yet-to-be-cleaned floor, following the noise. The second floor corridors were utterly empty, everyone was outside enjoying the last of the evening sun, leaving it silent but for the noise, which appeared to be radiating from the Lance Corporals office. Your eyes widened.

Muffled wails leaked from the door, making you freeze- that was Levi’s voice. Was he in pain? A thumping followed, proceeded by yet more wailing. Worry, nervousness, and the urge to snoop fought within you for a second. Nosiness came out on top. Ever so carefully, you gently turned the door handle, opening the door just a tad. Just enough to let you see what was going on inside the room; you peeked in. And your jaw dropped.

“MAMA!!!! OOOOOH!” Levi was crooning, with the vocal skill of an intoxicated cat, “DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY! IF I’M NOT BACK AGAIN THIS TIME TOMORROW, CARRY ON, CARRY ON, cus nothing really matters...” His ‘singing’ died down, as he began stamping his foot to an imaginary beat, before launching into the next verse, emotion etched deep into his usually ever-blank face.

Never had you been more confused in your life. Levi never sung, or danced, or grinded against furniture. So why now, was he giving an all singing, all dancing, mildly erotic performance of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’? It made no sense...

Till you spotted something sitting menacingly on his desk. An inconspicuous, innocent china bowl, with half a heel of bread sitting next to it, filled with the remainders of the confiscated stew. Realisation made you bite your lip to prevent hysterical laughter from erupting out. Levi often worked through dinner, so somebody had brought him the stew before Erwin had busted your operation. Meaning Levi was undoubtedly delightfully pissed; you’d tipped at least three bottles of vodka, and a bottle of something unnamed Sasha had procured, in the huge vat of stew.

A frantic movement startled you out of your thoughts- Levi made a sudden dash for his cupboard, snatching from its depths a broom, still warbling.

“-I SOMETIMES WISH I’D NEVER BEEN BORN AT ALL!” Before proceeding to use the broom as a guitar, making the instrument’s noises with uncanny likeness to the song, head banging and screwing his eyes tight shut. You obeyed your crying calf muscles, and shifted from your crouch into a more comfortable position, sitting cross-legged on the floor, settling down for what you hoped would be an entire concert, and top-notch blackmail material.

A hand touched your shoulder, and you jumped out of your skin.

Hanji stood next to you, large eyes wide with bewilderment. You motioned for her to be silent, and pulled her down to peek through the door with you. She had to put both hands over her mouth to stifle her giggles; Levi was currently stomping round his office, making piano noises, and then jumped on his desk, so abruptly it made both Hanji and you flinch.

“I see a little silhouetto of a man,” Levi murmured, almost to himself, nudging paperwork with his toe, before exploding out, yelling, “SCARAMOUCHE SCARAMOUCHE, WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO!” and kicking a huge stack of paper, which scattered like confetti.

“THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTENING, VERY VERY FRIGHTENING ME!” His voice switched to a higher pitch, and he fell to his knees, taking another swig of his stew, which Hanji pointed to urgently. You nodded to show you already knew.

Levi meanwhile seemed to have move on to interpretive dance whilst chanting “BISMILLAH NO, WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!” clumping around the desk like there was no tomorrow, teetering here and there, before finally reaching what appeared to be a crescendo; arms raised high in the air, legs apart, yelling with all his might:

“BEAZLEBUB HAS A DEVIL PUT ASIDE FOR ME... FOR ME! FOR MEEEEEEEEEE!”

And then collapsed like a sack of potatoes.

You darted up from your position, racing into the room to check he wasn’t hurt, breathing a sigh of relief- his chair had mostly broken his fall. Slinging his arm over your shoulder, you hauled him over and on to his cream sofa, cursing the heavy muscles on him you usually adored. Hanji stood at the door, paralysed by laughter.

“Hanji, I’m going to need water, bread, and a shit ton of painkillers for his hangover tomorrow,” you ordered, yelling her name again when she didn’t respond.

“Fine [name], you look after him though. Ahh if we keep this quiet we will have ideal blackmail material, so no telling anyone, okay?” She grinned as you nodded, wide and maniacal, before setting off down the corridor cackling. You sighed, and dragged Levi’s desk chair over to the sofa, feeling horribly guilty as you sat by his head.

Levi stirred very slightly at the noise, and grabbed you wrist, looking up at you blearily.

“[name]?” He begun, slurring, “[name], I’m the queen,” he giggled slightly, and after wrapping your head around the fact Levi just giggled, you realised he was referring to the band.

“Of course Levi,” you chuckled, bemused at seeing humanities strongest so vulnerable.

“You’ll stay here with me, won’t you?” He asked, closing his eyes slowly.

“Of course Levi," you repeated, "I’ll never leave you,” you replied truthfully, flushing when it hit you he probably only meant tonight. Levi just wrapped his arms around you, and drew you off the seat and on to the sofa, so you were lying next to him facing away, body fitting perfectly into the curve of his. He buried his face in your hair, and you wrapped his arms around you, hugging them to your chest.

“Anyway the wind blows,” he murmured quietly, and you smiled softly, making a mental reminder to get Levi drunk more often...

;) (Wink) — Description
Very quick note: This includes a lot of 'bohemian rhapsody' by queen, so if you haven't heard it before, firstly shame on you you've been missing out, secondly listen, so you get an idea of the magnitude of the song. Link in the description! enjoy.

------------------------------------------------------------

Soapy water squelched into the material of your trousers at the knees, as you scrubbed at a mysterious smudge of what you hoped was dirt on the floor. You scowled at its refusal to come off, pressing the scrubbing brush hard into the rich wooden boards and attacking the mark with renewed vigour, swearing quietly as you went along.

Scrub every second floor corridor spotless; the punishment, astoundingly, was not from your boyfriend, aka Corporal Clean-Freak, but Erwin Smith. It was more than humiliating to be reprimanded by the Commander of the Survey Corps, the biggest big cheese, let alone be caught for your crimes. How Connie and Sasha had convinced you that spiking tonight’s stew was a good idea was beyond you.

A muffled noise, a thump, interrupted your thoughts, and you looked down to see if the roguish smudge had been vanquished. You hissed in frustration, it had not, and instead appeared to have grown in size. Another thump distracted you; it was louder this time, coming from down the corridor. Curious, you abandoned your bucket and brush and tiptoed along the yet-to-be-cleaned floor, following the noise. The second floor corridors were utterly empty, everyone was outside enjoying the last of the evening sun, leaving it silent but for the noise, which appeared to be radiating from the Lance Corporals office. Your eyes widened.

Muffled wails leaked from the door, making you freeze- that was Levi’s voice. Was he in pain? A thumping followed, proceeded by yet more wailing. Worry, nervousness, and the urge to snoop fought within you for a second. Nosiness came out on top. Ever so carefully, you gently turned the door handle, opening the door just a tad. Just enough to let you see what was going on inside the room; you peeked in. And your jaw dropped.

“MAMA!!!! OOOOOH!” Levi was crooning, with the vocal skill of an intoxicated cat, “DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY! IF I’M NOT BACK AGAIN THIS TIME TOMORROW, CARRY ON, CARRY ON, cus nothing really matters...” His ‘singing’ died down, as he began stamping his foot to an imaginary beat, before launching into the next verse, emotion etched deep into his usually ever-blank face.

Never had you been more confused in your life. Levi never sung, or danced, or grinded against furniture. So why now, was he giving an all singing, all dancing, mildly erotic performance of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’? It made no sense...

Till you spotted something sitting menacingly on his desk. An inconspicuous, innocent china bowl, with half a heel of bread sitting next to it, filled with the remainders of the confiscated stew. Realisation made you bite your lip to prevent hysterical laughter from erupting out. Levi often worked through dinner, so somebody had brought him the stew before Erwin had busted your operation. Meaning Levi was undoubtedly delightfully pissed; you’d tipped at least three bottles of vodka, and a bottle of something unnamed Sasha had procured, in the huge vat of stew.

A frantic movement startled you out of your thoughts- Levi made a sudden dash for his cupboard, snatching from its depths a broom, still warbling.

“-I SOMETIMES WISH I’D NEVER BEEN BORN AT ALL!” Before proceeding to use the broom as a guitar, making the instrument’s noises with uncanny likeness to the song, head banging and screwing his eyes tight shut. You obeyed your crying calf muscles, and shifted from your crouch into a more comfortable position, sitting cross-legged on the floor, settling down for what you hoped would be an entire concert, and top-notch blackmail material.

A hand touched your shoulder, and you jumped out of your skin.

Hanji stood next to you, large eyes wide with bewilderment. You motioned for her to be silent, and pulled her down to peek through the door with you. She had to put both hands over her mouth to stifle her giggles; Levi was currently stomping round his office, making piano noises, and then jumped on his desk, so abruptly it made both Hanji and you flinch.

“I see a little silhouetto of a man,” Levi murmured, almost to himself, nudging paperwork with his toe, before exploding out, yelling, “SCARAMOUCHE SCARAMOUCHE, WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO!” and kicking a huge stack of paper, which scattered like confetti.

“THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTENING, VERY VERY FRIGHTENING ME!” His voice switched to a higher pitch, and he fell to his knees, taking another swig of his stew, which Hanji pointed to urgently. You nodded to show you already knew.

Levi meanwhile seemed to have move on to interpretive dance whilst chanting “BISMILLAH NO, WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!” clumping around the desk like there was no tomorrow, teetering here and there, before finally reaching what appeared to be a crescendo; arms raised high in the air, legs apart, yelling with all his might:

“BEAZLEBUB HAS A DEVIL PUT ASIDE FOR ME... FOR ME! FOR MEEEEEEEEEE!”

And then collapsed like a sack of potatoes.

You darted up from your position, racing into the room to check he wasn’t hurt, breathing a sigh of relief- his chair had mostly broken his fall. Slinging his arm over your shoulder, you hauled him over and on to his cream sofa, cursing the heavy muscles on him you usually adored. Hanji stood at the door, paralysed by laughter.

“Hanji, I’m going to need water, bread, and a shit ton of painkillers for his hangover tomorrow,” you ordered, yelling her name again when she didn’t respond.

“Fine [name], you look after him though. Ahh if we keep this quiet we will have ideal blackmail material, so no telling anyone, okay?” She grinned as you nodded, wide and maniacal, before setting off down the corridor cackling. You sighed, and dragged Levi’s desk chair over to the sofa, feeling horribly guilty as you sat by his head.

Levi stirred very slightly at the noise, and grabbed you wrist, looking up at you blearily.

“[name]?” He begun, slurring, “[name], I’m the queen,” he giggled slightly, and after wrapping your head around the fact Levi just giggled, you realised he was referring to the band.

“Of course Levi,” you chuckled, bemused at seeing humanities strongest so vulnerable.

“You’ll stay here with me, won’t you?” He asked, closing his eyes slowly.

“Of course Levi," you repeated, "I’ll never leave you,” you replied truthfully, flushing when it hit you he probably only meant tonight. Levi just wrapped his arms around you, and drew you off the seat and on to the sofa, so you were lying next to him facing away, body fitting perfectly into the curve of his. He buried his face in your hair, and you wrapped his arms around you, hugging them to your chest.

“Anyway the wind blows,” he murmured quietly, and you smiled softly, making a mental reminder to get Levi drunk more often...