QwithoutaU [2005-06-15 17:03:54 +0000 UTC]
try beating around the bush a bit more...its so...blunt, and the rhymes seem coached in some way. The emotion is definately there, I just think it needs some filler in there. :0)
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vashplaya [2005-05-02 21:53:14 +0000 UTC]
Hmm, could be longer, but I like it when rhyme doesn't sound forced and such - nice touch. ^.^
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