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TheFalseDragon — A Brief Poem
Published: 2005-08-27 18:47:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 1873; Favourites: 21; Downloads: 93
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Description
Stabbed with a sword of my own creation,I lie.
I hide myself behind a mask to protect me from what i want,
I'm seen for what I'm not.
Those who know me fail to truly see what I hide,
Myself, a ghost.
My skin too tells a lie,
harbouring a tan which I should not have.
With the others it fades.
To be left with the truth one day.
Should I face my fears.
Blind to my lies are the people who could help me,
struggling to stay away I hurt them.
With words as strong as steel I cut them, to keep them from the truth I hide.
Do i lie so far?
My friends, though I have none, like me still.
The phone never rings, but the bell should toll.
The Reaper's blade I await,
I do not hide my throat.
Blocked from view my heart beats,
does it want to be free?
I love but I do not feel,
that which I cannot touch I want the most.
Am I dust in the wind or do I hold a soul behind this mask.
The one whom I love hides in a land far away,
my mask halting my attempts to reach her.
Family, close and not, believe me to be well,
my tempers put down as my fault.
Blame lying at my feet,
I kick it into the wall and it returns.
Running will not save my from my tormentor.
Sharing the body of the one you hate most,
fights with whom hurt all around you.
Struggling I guard my mind with a gun aimed at those closest to me.
The only ones who can help me sit in the dark,
While the only one who tries cannot succeed.
I hold within my head, a book of sins.
Death feels light as a feather,
but my duty weighs me down.
I am stuck on this plain,
a prisoner of war against myself.
Through the glass I look at pixels of hope,
Getting good vibrations from my speakers.
A song within music holds me by a thread.
I should not lie.
Things I have done haunt me,
they fly over my head with bombs that they won't drop.
Taunting me with my freedom from the hell I put myself in.
Stabbed with a sword of my own creation.
If only I could die.
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Comments: 86
wow! you've created such a nice piece of poetry. I like how you describe how you feel -- im feeling it too! heh. I love your composition and style. I really love the strength of this piece. It's very emotive.
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thank you, this is my first poem, well second but the first one was when i was 7 so it was my first real one, i'm glad you can relate and at the same time i'm not, i've left that stage of my life and i'm feeling much better over and i hope you can do that too.
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well, then... congratulations on your first poem! well.. yeah. it's kind of hard, but I'm sure that this is just a phase. Who knows maybe when I'm older.. I'll look back and realize how silly I was. something in the lines of "poor innocent me, who doesn't know the true meaning of life"... heh.
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The diction is well-used but some of the question-lines don't appeal to me.
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Very nice and emotional. This remind me of those ultraromantic writers, in which they are my favorite ones.
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This is a very long poem, but you kept me interested all the way through with all these powerful images and lines like, "that which I cannot touch I want the most", which I can relate to very well . This poem is deep with sorrow and emotion, as well as inner conflct, which I use in lots of my own poetry. This almost tell s the tale of my own life, and it kind of scares me, but makes me adore this piece at the same time. All I have to say is wow... one of the best poems I've read, so I'm definitely faving...
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This is a very deep and emotional poem. Expressing feelings of sorrow, anger, and sadness. Very good writings!
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I think this is like my favorite poem I've ever read on here. good job
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"Sharing the body of the one you hate most"
Really like this line^
Really enjoyed reading
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Very strong opening which draws you right in through the whole piece to the end
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i love "stabbed with a sword of my own creation" the starting line is snappy and draws you in brilliantly, and the repetition at the end is a good way to round off the poem . Great work
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My friends, though I have none, like me still.
The phone never rings, but the bell should toll.
The Reaper's blade I await,
I do not hide my throat.
as is that: Running will not save my from my tormentor.
Sharing the body of the one you hate most
i also think that the repeated use of question marks works well as it shows some of the inner struggle and raises questions for the reader! : does it want to be free?
i think it also works the way you start and end the piece in a similar way and change only the last part so the end of the poem becomes the end of your desire to fight!
weldone!
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it is about someone who is hiding away within themselves pretending to be someone else so much and so well that they are almost becoming the person that they are pretending to be but at the same time are hating themselves for it. thats the best i can describe it other than that you'll have to read it and get your own idea
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I like it alot, it seems meaningful, though I cant comment on the make up of it since im neither a poet or a critic myself, but good stuff anyways
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You're a very good writer. I write, but I could never write a poem like this (I really suck at poetry). So I am impressed. But with a subject like this, I always find shortness more effective...
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oh definately good..I have one like this in my scraps....fist thing I ever submitted but I was too nervous about my first submission to make it "official" by setting it as a dev...to this day...it's one of my fave.
the ones where it sounds like you are thinking to yourself..but aloud...always get me
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you know if you edit it you can change its catorgy and therefore place it in your gallery.
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I really liked how you captured the raw emotion- it's very relatable. "My friends, though I have none, like me still"- great line.
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wonderful
"The one whom I love hides in a land far away" this line makes me so sad because I can most definately relate to it [grrr long distance relationship]
a very well written piece. I'm in love with it
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Great imagery! It's really a beautiful poem! Great poetry! I love how well you describe things
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its wonderful...several parts hit home with me. I thank you for sharing it. 
Marie
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wow........... told you a suck at commenting poems, but i really like this! Brava Brava!!
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this really captures the feeling of despare everyone's experienced at a point in their life. "I am stuck on this plain, a prisoner of war against myself." i especially like that line. well done.
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"Running will not save my from my tormentor." <---typo there
It was very expressive, very emotional. I think the lack of structure added to the turmoil (whether you meant to do that or not). I can definately relate to this though maybe not to such an extreme which is also a strong point. nice job
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the lack of structure just happend, i wrote this pretty fast the first time so it would have been impossible to avoid, i'm glad you liked the piece.
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haha, that's actually how I write all my poems...for some reason I can rarely spend more then like ten minutes writing one.
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Great piece, very powerful. Be careful of grammar errors, remember you don't have to use a fullstop or comma at the end of every line, it disrupts the flow sometimes. Enjambment is your friend
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i may review the use of commas in this piece because it does make the poem read slowly, so soon there might be a version two.
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cool, reading aloud is always helpful if you are unsure of where commas should and shouldnt go
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i relate. my thoughts work in images. our only line of difference, when it comes to creativity. nice work.
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fuckin wow,....I know exactly how that feels, I can so relate.
I really wish I could give a more thoughtful comment on this at the moment but I am too drunk...comment back and I might get back to you.
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honestly your words came straight from my own heart. ive never been able to express something like this so as good as you have just done so. im in shock with no words to express. so honest and sincere. i wish you the best in doing what you have to do (let it not be death of course). I wish i could express what i feel right now but i'm unable to speak
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and you'll be the 5th person to say that in so many words, its a terrible to hold on your own you should try to see the sun more and talk to people more and hopefully you'll get over it, i'm quite far away from this poem at the moment. but earlier today i wasn't. ps burn poetry power!
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Yea, i enjoy reading poetry that touches people so greatly. Personal enough that no one can truely identify with them, yet universal enough that everyone can respect what's been written. Hah and yes, :devburn-poetry: power!
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i really like the beginning and the end, it makes you know that it is the end of the poem, so it seems more complete
yea...
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thanks! that was the idea of it!! *jumps for joy*
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