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*Warnings: Reader is drunk and depressed... tries to come onto Castiel. First ever songfic, so I don't think I did it "correctly," but it's my writing, so whatever I guess? Haha. Read description for more info...

“(NAME)?”

Blinking away the drunken tears, you looked up from your spot in front of your hotel room’s toilet seat. Standing there was none other than the beautiful angel you adored, Castiel.

“Angel of the Lord, ha. You here to save me from myself?”
Smirking cheekily up at him, you laughed at your own slurred joke. His stoic expression didn’t change, but his vessel’s startling eyes darted around as they took in your situation.

“No. Dean desired your assistance with research, but it appears that you are severely intoxicated.”

Another loud laugh escaped your lips.

“See, that’s one of the things I love about you, Cas,” you said, giggling as you felt him pick you up and exit the bathroom, heading for your hotel bed.

“Ooohh, taking this to the bed, huh? About damn time you have your way with me.”

With that, your drunken self threw your arms around his neck violently and promptly kissed Castiel sloppily on the mouth. Obviously not expecting that, the angel stiffened and dropped you quickly on your bed before fluttering away. Several minutes passed before what happened really sunk in to your drunken mind, and immediately the tears started flowing again, the depressing thoughts you had previously been thinking of before now mixing with new ones about Castiel.

Of course he would leave you. Everyone would, be it by choice or by death. You had learned the hard way that, one way or another, the people in your life would disappear. The only constant you had in your life was yourself, and even that wasn't a guarantee considering the line of work you were in.

A few years ago, hunting monsters wasn't something you had ever even fathomed being in your future. Any future plans you had were thrown out the window that horrific day. The images still plagued your mind, and although you usually made an effort to avoid thinking about the gruesome deaths of your family members, they resurfaced every time you drank.

Amelia was always the one for me, but she
She wouldn't stay
On a warm day, I came home to find
That she had sailed away

You should have been there. You should be dead, too. Hell, when you walked in on the bloody scene, you had wished you were. If it hadn't been for that damn John Winchester swooping in and "rescuing" you from the demon that had mercilessly slaughtered your family for “fun,” you would be.

Maybe I am broken in some way I can’t tell
I don’t wanna change

A dark chuckle escaped you once again as you thought about your life before the murders. Hopelessly optimistic and naïve didn't even begin to cover it, but you found yourself yearning for that ignorant bliss again. Every morning you looked in the mirror and hated what you had become. Of course, then you remembered all the events that had led you there, and the dark cloud that had descended upon you would solidify, hardening your outer appearance.

No wonder Castiel didn't want you; just look at how low you had sunk. It was like you weren't even human yourself. Your entire personality centered around hunting; eat, research, kill, move on. And where you had previously found justification and reason in the fact that you were saving people, if you were to be brutally honest, you were beginning to stop caring. You desperately wanted out, but you knew that would never happen. Even if you died, you’d either go to Heaven or Hell, and since you now knew about the true nature of both of those, neither seemed like a great option.
You didn’t know what to do anymore.

But Lord knows that I need some help
To save me from myself

Sobs shook your body, and you understood why Dean had wished he “couldn’t feel a damned thing.”

I wish I was numb
Alone here in my cell
‘Cause something in my heart
Is making me not feel so well
Won’t you save me from myself?

With a jolt, you suddenly realized you had been mumbling all of your thoughts out loud, and that Castiel had reappeared in the room with you. Immediately you slurred out rushed apologies, only for him to silence you gently as he sank to the ground beside you. Although he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with human emotions, he made no protest when you threw your arms around him once again and cried into his chest.

I get no sleep ‘cause I’m all alone
Like a living shadow where there once was bone
One cut deep, and the other went sour
And no one’s to blame, but I feel so shattered

“I-I’m just so tired of everything. I know I’m doing this to help people, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up, Cas. Whether I’m awake or sleeping, I face monsters and I just…” your sentence broke off with a howl of despair, muffled by the material of his trench coat.

Maybe I am lying
Still inside my shell
‘Cause I keep making waves
And falling victim to the swell

Your breakdown continued for a few more minutes, and sometime in the middle Castiel hesitantly wrapped his arms around you; one resting on your back and the other on the back of your head, like he had witnessed Dean do a few times. He whispered comforting words in Enochian to you until you had cried out the worst of it, and afterwards the two of you continued holding one another on the floor in silence.

Please save me from myself
‘Cause I’m no good myself

“Cas, I-“ You began trying to apologize again once you found your voice, but he cut you off again.

“(NAME),” he began in his gravelly voice, “As long as I am in existence… I will do my best to save you.”

Exhausted, you allowed him to help you into bed, where to your surprise, he joined you. His presence granted you some peace of mind, and his words had been comforting.

But that was it.

You knew that no matter how you felt in this moment, the comfort and peace would disappear sooner than you would have liked, and you would need to be saved again. The endless cycle would continue on for the rest of your short life, and Castiel will not always be there to save you…

Please save me from myself