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themadpoet — Silent Journeys
Published: 2001-09-01 02:14:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 136; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 42
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Description
Silent Journey’sBy
Mark A. Brickey
You remain silent and yet it tells me so much
You avoid me and yet I still feel your touch
I reach down deep inside of you and find nothing there
I grasp to hold on to you hoping to find what we shared
I search for a moment that seems to be lost
We try to find the bridge that neither of us has crossed
The one that joins our hearts and is in great need of repair
Will we work to fix it, would we, should we dare
Restrained by the weight of a lifetime of conflict
Enamored by the love that we want so bad
Wanting to eliminate the chains of our past
To break ties with the things that made us so sad
Loving for the moment afraid to look ahead
Feeling for the present believing emotions aren't dead
Hoping that it will last for longer than we expect
Losing control of what little helps us build self-respect
Sometimes emotional journeys don’t take you where you want to go
Sometimes it leaves you crushed with no way to ease the pain
But if the road were not traversed how will we ever find a bridge to cross
The journey may seem endless but there is so much to gain
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Comments: 4
Ooo. I see a whoooooole lot of potential in this for verbage. Part of the benefits of being a poet is that it puts one on the cutting edge of language. Word meaning can be forged or destroyed at our whim. We get to push the envelope without concern for the rules (just look at the brilliant e.e.cumm ings).
Here's a couple examples where pushing the verbage a little here can yeild a more powerful result (at least, in my not-humble-at-all opinion, which I appologize if you think that I'm forcing it upon you unsolicitedly):
Line 6, find -> build
Line 7, joins -> binds
Line 8, fix -> mend
My personal philosophy on poems is that a poem is never finished until I am dead. By this logic, every poem I have done is technically a draft still, because until a day arrives when I come to know what I do not know, I will never turn the page on a poem and call it finished...
Excellent work. I'm just in a mood to senslessly spout tips, since I've got too much time and too little sanity on my hands.
--
[dygel[eric/kolb]]
stop looking at me like that.
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Wowie...this poem is great...Great subject matter too. keep it up.
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Very very nice! I have traveled this road several times!
You are now my artist watch!
Faithwalker
Grow
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I have traveled this path, but I want to repair that bridge that joins our hearts. It won't be easy but it is possible. We have both been through so much ... now it is time to put the pain behind us and move on .... together
Very nice, but it makes me cry every time I read it.
Tina
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