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thespes β How To Make Strangers
by-nc-nd
Published: 2009-08-30 15:55:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 211; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 2
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Description
Minding my own business I was walking down the street,When I passed a group of people, whom I did not stop to greet.
I was almost out of danger,
Passing by them like a stranger,
When I felt my hand get grasped.
I turned around and gasped.
The group of people surrounded me;
Everyone greeted me cheerfully,
With tongues like snakes and lying eyes
They said their How are you's and Hi's.
They shook my hand and clapped my back
When I suddenly shouted, "Alas!Β Β Alack!
"Rumblethorn Mejorn Sibelius Quack!"
Then I turned my heels and walked away,
And the group has not greeted me to this day.
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Comments: 16
...actually, I really like it. It feels very honest, a bit ironic (for me anyways) and I like the rhythm. Same as shenhai, I think maybe the meter is a little off in a few lines... the one-syllable difference in the eigth and tenth line kills me.
Still favin it though
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Thanks love! I know it is hard being so OCD like shenhai, but I'm sure you'll manage!
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. . . well, it's certainly spur of the moment, dearie. But I say, you can write a pretty piece. It lilts like a nursery rhyme, although some of the lines don't fit the meter. Might want to fix that. It's relatively simple to do so.
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hmmm, okay! I'll check it out and see what I can do!
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To be honest, I love how this flows. This is pure poetry. If I can hear it in my head like a song, you've done well.
I do have one question.
"Rumblethorn Mejorn Sibelius Quack!"
What does that mean? Is it random? Does it have meaning?
With tongues like snakes and lying eyes
They said their How are you's and Hi's.
That was my favorite part. I have walked up to a group of people before, and I could feel their lies and veiled dislike and snobbery. I hate it. You, however, portray it perfectly in two lines. Great work. It might look better (though this wouldn't change the format/flow of the poem) if you did it like this:
With tongues like snakes and lying eyes
They said their "How are you's" and "Hi's."
Hmm, I'm not entirely for sure about that, actually. Generally, I like putting quotation marks around dialogue so people know they're actually speaking. But, disregard that. In this case, it might be better without the quotes.
Sorry for the long comment! I felt that this deserved it.
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Don't apologize! I love comments, especially like yours!
"Rumblethorn Mejorn Sibelius Quack!" is mostly nonsense. Sibelius is a composer that I am very fond of, and I put quack in there for the rhyme, but the first two words were just nonsense words I thought up on the spot!
I'm glad you like "with tongues..." lines. I am even more pleased that I was able to express something that you feel strongly in a manner that resonated with you.
Thanks so much!!
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No problem! And I thought that sentence was a good one to put it and definitely rhymed well.
I just didn't know if it meant anything or not. 
Rumblethorn makes me think of a vibrating cactus.
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Yeah. I have no clue why that came to mind.
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I love it when that happens.
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Me too! The best things happen that way.
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haha, its great. i wudnt say improve it. if u really wanted 2 change sumthing, put 'rumplethorn'
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