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Description
I feel it now eating at my heart, wrecking havoc in my body. The wretched rot of mistakes and desires. It eats at my muscles, burning my flesh and leaving me unable to help myself. And it becomes chains of self hate.
I sit and wonder “why?” When I mastered the art of changing myself to fit my environment, mental evolution if you will, I find myself unable, incapable, inferior to everything around me. For what is rot compared to a flower? And still the question rings out “why?”
Maybe nothing ever truly changed but was just covered up by another layer. Maybe now the layers are not co-existing but are clashing and so the infection spreads. It rots and leaves my bones exposed, my chipped and ragged bones. And it binds me.
The pain doesn’t go away and no wracking sobs come. It seeps, seeps out in slow moving tears that leave my throat dry and my lungs burning though I haven’t made a sound. The wetness stains my cheeks and reddens my eyes but still it doesn’t flee. It spreads some more as though taunting me.
It replays the events in my mind. Mistake after mistake after mistake and each time the scene changes ever so slightly so that my heart throbs at the way it gets worse and worse. Why….?
And with every way I can, I hide it. But when I find the people I can trust I pull back the curtain and wait for the agonizing gasps, the gaping mouths and the flash of disgust in their eyes. Who would dare befriend someone who needs so much help from those around them? I am someone who may suck them dry before they can utter a word of regret.
And the rot spreads with each passing of the ones I thought I trusted and another mistake is added to it, feeding it, strengthening it. The havoc continues….why?
And again I bring my trust to someone…and now I wait. I wait at this moment to see what will happen. Will my infection consume me so that taking my life is the only way to stop it? Or will they heal me and take away my bonds?
A throb of panic and a deep breath and the costume is taken away. My true self, out in the open and awaiting judgment. I close my eyes and wait for it…wait for it.
A gentle hand touches my cheek, and my eyes flash open. I stare at the odd person, the one who doesn’t give me scorn but….smiles. And I feel the rot recede bit by bit. A healing touch and the bonds loosen. And for the moment, I can smile, I can cry and I can be me. What were once rotting layers became flower petals. What was once a breaking heart became a laughing spirit.
And for the tiniest of moments, as the loving light shown on me, I was free.

Description
I feel it now eating at my heart, wrecking havoc in my body. The wretched rot of mistakes and desires. It eats at my muscles, burning my flesh and leaving me unable to help myself. And it becomes chains of self hate.
I sit and wonder “why?” When I mastered the art of changing myself to fit my environment, mental evolution if you will, I find myself unable, incapable, inferior to everything around me. For what is rot compared to a flower? And still the question rings out “why?”
Maybe nothing ever truly changed but was just covered up by another layer. Maybe now the layers are not co-existing but are clashing and so the infection spreads. It rots and leaves my bones exposed, my chipped and ragged bones. And it binds me.
The pain doesn’t go away and no wracking sobs come. It seeps, seeps out in slow moving tears that leave my throat dry and my lungs burning though I haven’t made a sound. The wetness stains my cheeks and reddens my eyes but still it doesn’t flee. It spreads some more as though taunting me.
It replays the events in my mind. Mistake after mistake after mistake and each time the scene changes ever so slightly so that my heart throbs at the way it gets worse and worse. Why….?
And with every way I can, I hide it. But when I find the people I can trust I pull back the curtain and wait for the agonizing gasps, the gaping mouths and the flash of disgust in their eyes. Who would dare befriend someone who needs so much help from those around them? I am someone who may suck them dry before they can utter a word of regret.
And the rot spreads with each passing of the ones I thought I trusted and another mistake is added to it, feeding it, strengthening it. The havoc continues….why?
And again I bring my trust to someone…and now I wait. I wait at this moment to see what will happen. Will my infection consume me so that taking my life is the only way to stop it? Or will they heal me and take away my bonds?
A throb of panic and a deep breath and the costume is taken away. My true self, out in the open and awaiting judgment. I close my eyes and wait for it…wait for it.
A gentle hand touches my cheek, and my eyes flash open. I stare at the odd person, the one who doesn’t give me scorn but….smiles. And I feel the rot recede bit by bit. A healing touch and the bonds loosen. And for the moment, I can smile, I can cry and I can be me. What were once rotting layers became flower petals. What was once a breaking heart became a laughing spirit.
And for the tiniest of moments, as the loving light shown on me, I was free.