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timeraider — On a Streaking Comet
Published: 2014-08-23 03:31:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 132; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 0
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Description Home comes as but a fleeting thought -
A bloom, demur, and soon forgot -
Plainly dressed and swift to rot
On pied fields of earth and clay.

I tread the bubbling wake of streams
Whose rhymeless tongues ever tease
Of vacant shores and a sun-warmt breeze,
Where only time, and nature, lay.

I do not bemoan the home I knew -
Though as to that, I am glad I grew
To wrap - in full - myself, anew,
In a mien of song and sky;

No 'where' have I - no 'what', no 'when' -
I shed the trappings of my youthful ken,
And I shall not pass this way, again,
Lest on a streaking comet by.
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Comments: 9

squibblyquill [2014-10-31 19:00:05 +0000 UTC]

When I was younger I really liked the comet imagery to depict the sense of motion and change within the human spirit - a stark contrast to my slow moving Midwestern surroundings. It was fun how you wove that image in right at the end.

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timeraider In reply to squibblyquill [2014-10-31 20:28:12 +0000 UTC]

I was so happy with that ending! It just came to me on the spot. And I actually had a happy childhood (in case this poem suggests otherwise), but I still often dreamed of faraway places and just... wandering, as much as anything.

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squibblyquill In reply to timeraider [2014-11-01 19:36:59 +0000 UTC]

yeah, cool ending. And I think a happy childhood doesn't preclude a bit of wanderlust.

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SycamoreSea [2014-09-02 17:47:22 +0000 UTC]

I love this one, it makes me want to paint. Or sleep in the sun. Either way. c:

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timeraider In reply to SycamoreSea [2014-09-02 20:24:51 +0000 UTC]

Haha. I thought you might like this one.

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dragoeniex [2014-08-23 05:32:35 +0000 UTC]

Following you seems to have been a good decision.

You've got a soothing voice with an archaic touch. It feels like something that could have been written quite a long time ago. It's serious, but it keeps an optimistic note. I especially like the rhythm in your first two lines.

The rhyme scheme is interesting. What fixed form is this?

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timeraider In reply to dragoeniex [2014-08-23 12:07:00 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. I mostly read the classics - Rossetti in particular. I'm not nearly as active on dA as I was in college, so you might not always see a lot here (my day job lies elsewhere, so I'm what I guess you would call a "dabbler" poet).

It isn't a fixed form. Just a simple aaab cccb ddde fffe scheme. However, DA has no category for "generic rhymed" - I refuse to call it free verse, and I don't consider it song & lyrics, either.

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dragoeniex In reply to timeraider [2014-08-23 14:35:47 +0000 UTC]

Pff. I'm more active here than I was in college. 8D

And that makes sense. It definitely seems like you've read a lot of classic poetry. Was it part of your studies, or just something you enjoy?

You know, I didn't even realize there was a "song & lyrics" category until I needed it a couple nights ago. I was thinking I'd have to put it under free verse, or maybe squeak it in under fixed form since I used the tune and some of the words from an already-existing song.

Yeah, this does feel more fixed form than free verse. (Though it might make a decent song, if you ever put it to music.)

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timeraider In reply to dragoeniex [2014-08-25 01:58:32 +0000 UTC]

Just something I enjoy - I never studied writing in a formal setting.

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