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timeraider β€” Second Drawer Down
Published: 2007-04-18 04:10:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 1315; Favourites: 35; Downloads: 25
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Description Courage was in a brown paper bag
I left forgotten on a frayed, orange bus seat.

I once wrote you a letter of such length
It drained three of my favorite pens dry.
Dry like my lips when I first saw you
On a frosted autumn morning.

But the words were warm.

And now it sits discarded, second drawer down
Beneath some bad poetry and old midterms.

Frustration led to two broken knuckles and
A brand new mirror.Β Β And I still couldn't tell you
Anything of how I felt.

(If I loved the sun more then
It was for the way it kissed your eyes.)

I remember those days and how you smiled
When I called your name; what you didn't know was
How I saw you in everything I wanted to be.
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Comments: 63

timeraider In reply to ??? [2014-10-14 02:12:50 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! This is a very old one. I am happily engaged these days.

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QQI25 In reply to timeraider [2014-10-14 03:34:08 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!Β 

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Ameko-Shadowsong [2009-09-08 21:14:28 +0000 UTC]

I still cannot get over how much I love this one. Again, I had forgotten it, but coming back to it, it was maybe better than the first time. <3

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timeraider In reply to Ameko-Shadowsong [2009-10-27 03:01:33 +0000 UTC]

Hooray.

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estrayastar [2007-09-28 21:22:44 +0000 UTC]

This is beautifully written, and everything flows incredibly well.

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timeraider In reply to estrayastar [2007-09-29 20:40:22 +0000 UTC]

Wow, thank you.

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estrayastar In reply to timeraider [2007-09-30 00:30:28 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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Decelaraptor [2007-09-24 16:36:08 +0000 UTC]

There are few things so beautiful and painfull than an unrequited love, nor as hard to get over, especially one that is filled with promises one has broken to his or herself. Thank you for the reflections and for the words that I wish I could have come up with my self. Bravo, Timeraider

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timeraider In reply to Decelaraptor [2007-09-28 03:19:19 +0000 UTC]

No, thank you, for these words.

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sparklesintherain [2007-09-01 18:06:35 +0000 UTC]

FAV! FAV! FAV! all of the descriptive words and the whole pens and lips thing....idk, i just love it

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timeraider In reply to sparklesintherain [2007-09-01 20:00:54 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much.

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Frankieismylover [2007-08-24 05:48:17 +0000 UTC]

This poem is, just, wonderful. No other way to put it. I think that of the entire thing, the first two lines are my favorite...something about them is so nostalgic and the imagery is perfect. Those two lines caught me and I was hooked from the start.
Very well done!

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timeraider In reply to Frankieismylover [2007-08-24 13:49:40 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

P.S. I like your quote.

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Ameko-Shadowsong [2007-08-22 02:04:25 +0000 UTC]

I really love the diction of this poem, it perfectly expresses the feelings, but you didn't come out and say something so obvious as 'love' - except for loving the sun, which is so completely indirect. Awesome.

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timeraider In reply to Ameko-Shadowsong [2007-08-22 21:10:31 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. I'm extremely happy to hear you felt that way.

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Ameko-Shadowsong In reply to timeraider [2007-08-26 04:34:31 +0000 UTC]

No worries.

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HippiePixie [2007-08-21 04:06:55 +0000 UTC]

oh wow.. this is really beautiful! i loved the line about 'if i loved the sun'.. that was great..

you expressed the longing very well.. nice

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timeraider In reply to HippiePixie [2007-08-22 21:11:04 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much.

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tasila [2007-08-20 12:07:46 +0000 UTC]

it was differnet i really love the pharse,
"if i loved the sun more then,
it was for the way it kissed your eyes."
It really caught my eye it made me smile and at the same time feel ur hurt and dissapointment... it is the type of poem that makes u really think bout what u as the poet are saying and the way u say things has a different impact on different people, but i think in a wierd way it leads to the same way of thot or the same idea. it is really good...

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timeraider In reply to tasila [2007-08-20 21:56:50 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much, those are very kind comments.

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evanari [2007-08-16 18:28:31 +0000 UTC]

i love the words. the words! oh, gosh.

you know, i should probably stop rambling...

yeah. so i will leave it at this: i love it. LOVE it. it goes straight to my faves. awesome. wonderful. beautiful.

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timeraider In reply to evanari [2007-08-17 02:53:47 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much.

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Tangerine-Tickle [2007-08-16 16:07:53 +0000 UTC]

This is an amazing piece. It really touched me, I actually felt my eyes water a little because I have felt these exact same feelings. I love the powerful emotions in this, yet the feeling of meekness and helplessness that go along with it. Very nice work.

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timeraider In reply to Tangerine-Tickle [2007-08-17 02:52:34 +0000 UTC]

Wow, that's all very flattering. Thank you.

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Tangerine-Tickle In reply to timeraider [2007-08-18 16:25:05 +0000 UTC]

My pleasure.

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torukeru [2007-08-16 04:28:27 +0000 UTC]

I'm with the legions who think that it is wonderful in its crispness and poignancy.

I once wrote you a letter of such length
It drained three of my favorite pens dry.
Dry like my lips when I first saw you
On a frosted autumn morning.

But the words were warm.

That part seems like its been done incorrectly before, and it has been cheesy and ineffectual, but here it just came across to me as powerful. Especially the frosted autumn, but the warm words. It's so unaffected that it moves the heart.

As much as I love it, I feel like the time jumps around a tad between first meeting the person, the letter being away in a drawer, not being able to express emotions,then the part in the parenthesis and the last stanza, both of which seem to be referring to the time mentioned back up in the second stanza.

It may just be me having some reading problems, and maybe you shouldn't tinker wiht it too much for fear of messing up a very good thing , but I thought I'd let you know in case it does any good.

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timeraider In reply to torukeru [2007-08-17 02:50:26 +0000 UTC]

The setting is fragmented, and the poem does jump around. I know it should be a little more coalesced, but I fear trying to fix that at this point would only hurt. It's something I will try to keep in mind more often.

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elemental-chick [2007-08-15 05:14:23 +0000 UTC]

i love it

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timeraider In reply to elemental-chick [2007-08-16 02:47:11 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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elemental-chick In reply to timeraider [2007-08-16 04:53:56 +0000 UTC]

your so welcome

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katarthis [2007-08-15 00:15:39 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful, touching, and harsh! I can see you hitting the mirror... I can see the stack of letters and I see myself, losing a blue eyed picture to the sidewalk on a rainy day.

Congratulations on being chosen for the Unknown Artists feature this month.

k

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timeraider In reply to katarthis [2007-08-16 02:46:41 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I don't know how anyone even found my gallery, but this has been really great.

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LZelig [2007-08-14 23:53:05 +0000 UTC]

if that was liquid courage in the paper bag i definitely agree with your comments, "some things you just can't let go".

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dreaminstories [2007-08-14 23:16:36 +0000 UTC]

beautiful and melancholy. very nice. <3

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timeraider In reply to dreaminstories [2007-08-16 02:42:53 +0000 UTC]

You're very kind. Thank you.

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dreaminstories In reply to timeraider [2007-08-16 03:28:41 +0000 UTC]

my pleasure! ^^ <3

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WhenIRIP [2007-08-14 22:31:34 +0000 UTC]

I got chills It flows very well.

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timeraider In reply to WhenIRIP [2007-08-16 02:42:34 +0000 UTC]

Oooh, chills. Thanks!

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HRHSArtist [2007-08-14 20:52:42 +0000 UTC]

I love this, because it is so true. I really we all had enough courage to express our true feelings to the ones we love or like.

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timeraider In reply to HRHSArtist [2007-08-16 02:42:25 +0000 UTC]

Me too. Thank you.

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Angel-courtesan [2007-08-14 20:02:16 +0000 UTC]

i love this - it's not self-consciously poetic

brilliant!

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timeraider In reply to Angel-courtesan [2007-08-14 20:53:00 +0000 UTC]

You're very kind, thank you.

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Interpolny [2007-08-14 16:59:50 +0000 UTC]

meh, I think I know exactly what you mean, at least it reminds me of things I wanted to forget... awesome job

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timeraider In reply to Interpolny [2007-08-14 20:48:23 +0000 UTC]

Sometimes it's better to remember than to forget. Thank you.

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friskyryski [2007-08-14 16:18:10 +0000 UTC]

This poem is very well-written and powerful. It definitely hits where it counts.

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timeraider In reply to friskyryski [2007-08-14 20:46:24 +0000 UTC]

Wow- powerful. Thank you.

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wh0rem0ans [2007-08-14 12:57:09 +0000 UTC]

this is full of emotion well written.

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timeraider In reply to wh0rem0ans [2007-08-14 20:45:12 +0000 UTC]

I'm flattered, thank you.

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Beautelle [2007-08-14 11:23:34 +0000 UTC]

oh that's so beautiful!! very direct. tried so hard but yet could not succeed... and still is haunted by it. it's very nice and not all poems ahve to rhyme

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timeraider In reply to Beautelle [2007-08-14 20:43:10 +0000 UTC]

Story of my life. Romantically, anyway.

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