Comments: 29
RoughShadowDregan [2009-05-22 20:40:41 +0000 UTC]
I liked it!. Though it is a little lengthy, you manipulate words with exceptional skill, and it is very tantalizing. I don't know if you were going for it, but you keep using similies and metaphors pertaining to Christmas, so it leaves a lingering atmosphere of the holiday in the passage.
As a begining, I think it could work with a little alteration, because it does have a feeling of midstory by the last couple paragraphs...
In all honesty, I'm still confused by the pixies. I'm tempted to try and draw a coupld of teh ones you discribed, but their actions and not-deaths don't make much sense to me, but I'm sure some of that would be further explained in more writing.
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toffeetree In reply to RoughShadowDregan [2009-05-22 21:13:42 +0000 UTC]
Thankyee!Yes i agree about the length. I know where i could cut it if i wanted it to be purely a bit of fantasy prose, the question is, ultimately: prose or story? It would be a long story if i was a story - i've pretty much worked it out in my head. i even think i have a prologue lying around somewhere...hopefully figuritively lying around on my desktop, and not on a scrap of paper in my room. i hate transporting script to print, the neck work involved is ridiculous.
well, your in luck! i am completely unemployed at this moment so i can give you the 411 on the pixies.
basically, pixies in this world are ugly decaying things. they basically reflect the seven deadly sins, lust, envy, greed etc. Goblins are actually the "good" guys, if you like. they can't exist in sunlight, they explode and return under ground. exploding is their method of transportation. also, they cant see goblins. some ancient protective spell. Shiza, the protagonist, happens to be part goblin.
Mir and Kite, Shiza's friends, are human but i think there is something about them too. ??? not sure yet. haha
if i find the beginning ill put it in my scraps and you can plough over it whenever your free. it will clarify a few things perhaps...
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-22 21:28:38 +0000 UTC]
I know what you mean, but sometimes writing it down on paper is the only way to no lose it... but it still gets lost.
I'm a little confused. Are there four or five members in Shiza's party? Sometimes it felt distinctly like four, but I feel like I've gathered five names that I simply can't remember... Or are there six? Seven? *counts on fingers* Shiza, two human friends, one goblin, one other... Five?
I will probably come back to you on the fairies then. What do they wear?
I will keep an eye out for the begining then, I'm excited to read it!
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toffeetree In reply to RoughShadowDregan [2009-05-22 21:36:29 +0000 UTC]
Hmm. i'm gunna hazard a scientific guess at four...no wait. yeh. just kidding. its four. shiza, kite, aiman, and i think i called her Mir, if i didnt then me refering to her now as mir is probably what confused you. for that i apologise.
skin. thats it. no clothes unless specified, and only then, organic things, occasionally plastic. they're scavangers.
okay! awesome. ill going prologue hunting. if its on my comp. it shouldnt take long. if its in my room. well. you'll still be a DA member a year from now, right?
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-23 05:49:07 +0000 UTC]
I have no ida what numbers I got from where, honestly. Four sounds okay.
-I'm going to assume that 'z's are regularly 's's there in the UK, because I keep finding words that look misspelled to me, but it's almost like a rule... (I'm looking at 'apologize' right now, and this/that's how I'd spell it.)
Yeah, okay. I'll have to try and doodle some of your pixies then, they sound like a lot of fun. Now I don't have to worry about folds!!
I should be kicking around here for a while, so I certainly hope so!
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-23 06:23:15 +0000 UTC]
Well, inspiration comes from the nooks and cranies (do you have any idea where that phrase came from? I don't), and usually not from the giant night perfect scuplture posing in the center of teh room. I like to tilt the world a little you could say. I'll let you know when I get them done, then evenutally post them here.
Shiza sounds like a good name. To me, it's: sharp, crisp and bold; something new, perhaps dangerous; sublte and fine. (I feel like a dictionary... Oh well; common these days.)
I honestly don't know how 'grey' is spelled any more... I use 'grey' when it's cold and 'gray' when it's warm... What difference does it make? I don't like 'colour' though personally, it makes me gag when I try to say it. Wierd, rather stupid, I know.
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toffeetree In reply to RoughShadowDregan [2009-05-23 07:35:49 +0000 UTC]
wow. interesting thinking in respect to the word grey. who knew one little word could have such a variety of potential.
nooks and crannies. i have to say no, to that. though it sounds a bit "pinch nosed" english to me.
okay. not to harper but, Shiza or Aliya?
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-23 18:31:09 +0000 UTC]
I must laugh at the name 'Aliya' and by the time you finish reading this, you'll understand. It has nothing to do with you. If you did not know, the name "Aliya" means 'accender' in Japanese, I think it was. To me it is a very leathal name, violent and volital, very much because I have a character for an rp I'm doing with ~Ephah who was given at birth the name 'Myrameth' (aka Mimi), was taken into the Guard and 'rewriten' as 'Aliya', then slipped into the bloodlust and became 'Chaos'. She's a nut case, but one of my favorite characters I've ever writen.
So, Shiza sounds more level headed than Aliya, mostly because of the character I created with that name.
(I won't tell you what to name her because she's your character. I will only suggest names and/or tell you what the name means to me.)
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-24 01:29:23 +0000 UTC]
As to which ever one you're gonna 'take a peek', Eph's a little ahm....confused you could say, and having computer issues. I've only put one literary thing of Chaos up, and a couple sketches, all of which are in my scraps, if that's what you're trying to look up.
Glad to know I could be of help!!
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toffeetree In reply to RoughShadowDregan [2009-05-24 07:14:36 +0000 UTC]
ah. no, i thought that Ehp was the link to your work. i got a bit confused when i was directed onto his page haha.
so...to the scrap yard! that's what i'll have a peek at.
by the way what are you really working on at the moment? and why arent you posting shit up!?. i'm realy curious about the "top hat" story, it seems dark and slightly, dare i say it, erotic...well, seductive anyhow.
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-26 23:56:58 +0000 UTC]
I'm really working on a piece called Rainfall (actually, I just finished it yesterday). Aside from that, I'm trying not to get a varience and to stay where I am. I've been writing up a few character sketches (for the main character in Rainfight, Chaos, Top-Hat fellow and some old phogey who talks to spiders... (just came up with him today as a spur of the moment), and a dragon profile), trying to keep my blogs updated and keep my friend Namanda-chan in atleast mediocre spirits (since her boyfriend just broke up with her, but they got back together two days later). Oh, and keeping house while my mom tries not to kill every one of us while Papa's away.
Just a little busy... I'll get something posted as soon as I can; I'm glad someone's so anxious to see what I'm up to! I'll try and work on When the Impossible HAPPENS for you.
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-27 07:51:14 +0000 UTC]
I'm flighty. I can not get on for a week and it won't mean anything more than my inbox is full and I found a pretty peice of paper. Don't worry about me until you don't hear from me for more than a week and a half to two weeks. That's when I'm having difficulties geting on.
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-27 08:39:01 +0000 UTC]
I have a fancy for feathers myself, and I'm prone to picking them up off the ground wherever I find them... Some people freak out about how they're covered with germs and all that crap, but i'm tooy busy studying the filaments or pretending I can fly with my wings of three feathers to usually notice or care.
I'll keep the venting thing in mind, I might just randomly pop up with some rant at no one that you might actually enjoy to read. I've had a couple that people actually liked and they asked me where my inspiration came from.
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-27 09:36:37 +0000 UTC]
Sad day... Poor bird, nasty ants, loss of a good piece of paenut-buttered toast... *shaking head* Sad day.
Still, that could make for great inspiration for a character sketch or a short short story.
*suddenly perplexed* What did I write for my short short...? Oh yeah, it was The Talking Game. That one was fun.
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RoughShadowDregan In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-27 10:18:17 +0000 UTC]
Well, the sooner they're out here in the open the sooner we have dozens of tales to spark our imaginations.
Creative Writing. It's up here on dA somewhere...
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4dreamcastonly [2009-05-22 13:14:48 +0000 UTC]
I have not the mental capacity to finish this, but from what I read, i really love it. good luck with whatever you decide to do with it! ^^
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4dreamcastonly In reply to toffeetree [2009-05-22 14:22:13 +0000 UTC]
well, don't take offense, It's a struggle for me to read anything longer then 3-5 sentences. took me a whole year to read the second harry potter book.
Maybe it's short?
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