HOME | DD
Tomboysupergeek — Scholarship entry- poetry contest
Published: 2012-02-12 03:18:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 145; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
Redirect to original
Description
In a busy, quite world,A little girl sits in a classroom,
A mind bright as a shining star,
A voice as small as the pitter patter of a mouse.
Eager to learn,
All the secrets of the earth,
Of the sky,
And the universe above.
You're the teacher,
Upheld to big expectations,
What will you teach her,
To fill her mind?
Teach her nothing is impossible,
To let her imagination stretch beyond.
Teach her about the workings of her body,
So she's not scared later on.
Teach her about true love,
To find her happy ever after.
Teach her about how things work,
Lead her on the path, to discover new things.
Teach her every language,
So she may talk to anyone.
Teach her about the evils of the world,
To protect her little heart.
Teach her to help animals,
Teach her about charity,
Teach her about medicine,
Teach her to help others.
Teach her how to read,
Teach her how to write,
Teach her anything,
Teach her everything.
These are the things,
I would fill her mind with.
I would never set limits,
And let her discover her own.
Related content
Comments: 1
I think that you did a very good job with this poem. There are some technical errors, but the message is clear. You need to make sure that you go back and fix the spelling mistakes, first of all. You have a rhyme scheme in some stanzas, but in others, the words have no rhythm. I recommend reading it out loud and feeling how the words sound together. The last four stanzas are good, for the most part. Again, the words just don't feel good together. I don't like the last stanza. That like a little kid at the end of an essay saying, "That's why I think dogs are good." I don't think you should address your audience like that. Maybe you could end with a hypothetical, something negative. "Or, you could walk away..." You get it. You're addressing someone, continue that. I like all the Teach hers, try to keep focus in those. You're doing a great job, you're poem makes me happy, it fills me with hope. Just read it over a few more times and get it to feel a bit more natural.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0