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TourniKit — The Little Black Heart
Published: 2006-02-09 19:03:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 124; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description Once there was a little red egg
and from it hatched a heart with legs.
One day it set out to find a friend
but found a little black bird instead.

He asked him "would you be my friend?"
but the bird he said "I'd rather be dead."
I once was a little red heart like you
I searched for love, for something true.
I know just what will happen to you
You'll end up like me, they always do.

The heart walked on a little confused
wondering "what is this love? this something true?"
I need to make this wish come true
I need to find somebody new.

He looked around, he opened his eyes
he couldn't wait, didn't know who he'd find.

He came across a little blue heart
with a big black hole inside.
He had a little blue tear in his eye
and the red heart asked him why he cried.
The blue heart said "I do not cry. I am not blue.
there is no big black hole inside."
The red heart asked him why he lied.
"Nobody loves me." he replied.

The little red heart walked on by
with a new little black hole inside.
"Nobody loves me." he replied.

He came across a big black heart
with big black eyes and a big black smile.
He said "I can fill that hole inside
with my big black love and big black pride
just take this pill and you will fly."

He put his trust in the big black heart
took the pill and felt the love.
"So this is truth? And this is love?
I want more, can't get enough."
But the big black heart had turned it's back
and left him there, just like that.

Now the little red heart felt empty inside
sat by himself, he sat and cried.
The little hole had opened up wide.
He felt the red now turn to black
"There is no love, no turning back."
I am no longer a little red heart
I am a blackened mess with missing parts.

The little black heart had tried and tried
Until one day, said "FUCK IT."
              
             And Died.

                 
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Comments: 3

hvymtlExrcst [2006-08-04 09:16:24 +0000 UTC]

For not really trying I think this is fantastic. The imagery, which was already mentioned is terrific. It's got very smooth rhythm and doesn't ever seem to drag at all. Your words flow together naturally and everything lines up exactly as it should. It reads easily and doesn't disapoint. The only criticism, if you care for any, is that I felt the ending came a little too abrubtly. When reading something with such crisp rhythm and meter, I just feel like I want it to keep going and going. Of course that may be why I have difficulty ending poems. It's a difficult process, but you pull it off nicely. Great job.

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Velvet-penguin [2006-02-09 19:07:58 +0000 UTC]

Ooh, I like the imagery! <3 Excellent work!

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TourniKit In reply to Velvet-penguin [2006-02-11 04:25:12 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much

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