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TriksieGirl — Closed
Published: 2004-04-07 02:50:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 672; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 89
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Description
I'm trapped in a body that refuses to seethat the girl in the mirror could really be me
Peace of mind is impossible to find
for empty stomachs in a strengthening bind
The art of consumption ...
I have no gumption ...
but although I'm afraid of those demons inside
it's here I'll remain till those assholes have died
Through hazy eyes my view is askew
I can't hear the cries 'cause they're no longer new
Though odds were that I'd lose
I managed to enforce the rules
Mesmerized and hypnotized
I never realized
and I know it's not too late to look away
but I'm turning to stone so it's here that I'll stay
It's hard to have an open heart
when life is such a pain
Bruised and battered, torn apart
Try to help me, save me
but don't expect me to embrace the thought
'cause last time, pain was all you brought
and although it hurts, it's all I've got
It's all I've got
It's all
I've
got ...
You cannot see the ugliness within me
that is eating away at my soul endlessly
Peace of mind is impossible to find
when spirits are empty and hope left behind
The art of deception ...
the art of perception ...
Alone I can't stand yet alone I can see
the reflection of the skinny girl does not resemble me.
Comments: 62
this is beautiful... a must fav... you work with words like Picasso with paint.
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Aw! 
I wish I could have made the rhythm work a bit better, but since I'd intended to put it to music at the time it was written, I decided to overlook it. Oh well. You deserve a good 
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tell me you're not bulimic please........
what's worse: anorexia, oir bulimia ?
by the way...even though i'm a guy, this hits too close to home, so....ii have no comment................................
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My dear, both men and women suffer from eating disorders; they are not gender-specific. Unfortunately I am bulimic and anorexic at other times, although I am recovering and in therapy thus my purging episodes are relatively few these days (on a bit of a restriction kick for the last few weeks however). Which is worse? Depends on how you look at it. I wouldn't say that one is better over the other, but statistics show that more bulimics die of complications than anorexics.
At any rate, your concern is appreciated
hits close to home.....i'm anorexic, and my girlfriend is a 'recovering yet tempted everyday' bulimic........god save the queen........................
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... god save the queen indeed ... 👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I wondered if you were with all of those references to bones in that poem I faved of yours, but felt a little awkward asking about it right away ... ya, 'recovering yet tempted everyday' is probably the way it will always be for me
Does your girlfriend have a DA account or other website as well?
awkward ?? ha ! good joke.....nah, you can ask me what you please-ii don't have any shame....wait-ya ii do-just a little...
if my girl has a website anywhere ii don't know about it.......
skin and bones....grasshopper you are quick !
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It's brutal and haunting, without descending into angsty cliche.
Brilliant.
Peace of mind is impossible to find
when spirits are empty and hope left behind
^ This, in particular, is good.
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Impressed that you felt I did not descend into "angsty cliche", cuz I thought I did.
Thanks for the critique, 
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It was flirting with danger, but managed to survive.
np.
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love the rhyme sceme
i think it is a well structured nice neat poem
not my cup of tea but i think it is of merit and so i give it
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thanks ... this style is not usually my cup of tea either, weird that you say that, I'm truly surprised that I've gotten so many nice comments about this one .. 👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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more than what's in my gal!!!
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its quality not quantity
but that just sounds like what all the other guys say when they compare themselves to me
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pff ... 
Well, glad you think my poetry is quality ...
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oh my, this is good, hard hitting for sure......I like a lot
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"hard hitting", I like that - thank you ...
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Wonderful work, utilizing an excellent choice of phrasing and rhyming to convey the emotions related to an extremely personal subject.
'Inspiring' is one of countless descriptive words that spring to mind; excellent stuff
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Thankies!!! 
If you don't mind my asking ... why do you think that the phrasing/rhyming conveyed the emotions so well? i.e. what kind of feeling or motion do you get (swaying, dizzy, hazy, blah blah blah)?
Thanks so much for your input, I'm determined to analyze my poetry (myself ...?) down to the bare bones, if you will ... 
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The opening two verses give the impression of slowly rising emotions - as you begin to think about the issue, it seems to grow until it snowballs and threatens to crush you beneath its weight.
The following verse - becoming progressivly more malevolent - backs this up as the aforementioned 'crush' leaves you lashing out in retaliation against everything that would take you down.
The final part reminds me of 'the comedown'. Once you've burnt yourself out, expended all your hurt and rage, you're stood face to face with all that remains.
As a whole, this piece works well because it's not just a poem, it's essentially a story too.
Hope this mini-analysis helps
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"... threatens to crush you beneath its weight." hehe nice choice of words 
Thank you so much for your mini-analysis - it is very appreciated! I have been having difficulty find inspiration these days, and being told what I do well (although I welcome harsher critiques as well) is helpful in that I can use the information when putting together my next piece ... Please feel free to write big long huge comments any time.
Thanks again!
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Boy does this ring true...
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Thank you for your comment
... and you're right, it is so much more than food. Glad to hear that you understood that from my writing.
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not just therapy...but family support. Not all are saved...even with therapy, unfortuneatly
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Indeed. Can't remember the exact stats, but I think something like 10-20% of people who develop eating disorders die from complications or suicide ...
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yes, this poem should be accompanied by a music ...
beautiful work on the words
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Glad you thought that I did beautiful work on the words, merci mille fois ma belle!
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good luck for catching some inspiration !
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Yeah hun .. beautiful. This goes to my favorites.
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humm very dark.. and seems almost a bio. you talk ofdemons are they not part of you? and so if they died you would too? near the end you start talking to the problem itself.. as if it was a persona some one that you fight with... I like the way it moves and the way ti seems to grab you when you start to read... I must say there are few people that I tend to read the hole poetry... but with you it just seems to flow my dear... love u for your talent and for the smiles that you give me...
and I'm glad in some ways that you think of things in certain ways.. even with all the problems that you face... that is why I'm with you
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Me? Dark? 
Hm, a bio ... I guess you could say that it is. And you're right, the demons are a part of me that I would not give up at this point in my life, nor would I want to in the future. At the time when I wrote that piece, however, I had a view of life that was radically different from the view that I have now. I didn't believe in karma back then. Not only that, but my comprehension of the fact that I would be a completely different person without said demons was lacking. If you really want to know what I was thinking when I wrote that, basically, when I say that "it's here I'll remain ...", I mean that I will have an eating disorder until I deal with those demons. Interesting that were able to see that I look upon the eating disorder as something separate from what I am, i.e. something I fight with, too. I suppose that if I am ever to 'completely' recover, I will need to be more accepting of the fact that this may always be a part of me. Or, at least, that it will always be a part of my past, thus something that I will never be able to change.
You mention that something "grabs" you at the beginning; were you able to isolate exactly what that was? Was it the hard consonant of the "t" in "trapped", or something else? Good to get that kind of critique for future reference ...
Thanks for saying I have talent
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heheh you're so cute, I know I'm a "delicate fleur" 
hmph, cool what you say about "trapped", will definitely keep that in mind for further works, thank you ... wondering why gumption does not fit though, too bad you couldn't isolate the reason, perhaps too throaty ...
Thank you again for taking the time to critique 
... and thank you for helping me move on ...
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nope you so nice and brite and all that flower and soft music stuff yup huh!
right from the start: "I'm trapped..."
kinda makes you want to know why... and that you now feel traped as a reader to read the rest...
only little hik and I think this is totaly just personal and that I cant find any thing else to replace it with is the
"gumption"
I find it out of place in the words that you have used... and quite a stranger in your poem.
maybe we have to be introduced
and there is for sure alot of changes that have happend in you since you wrote this poem... but some things still have to move on... as you said so your self... "I will need to be more accepting of the fact that this may always be a part of me"
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I'm such an ass, just replied to myself. Here's what I wrote:
heheh you're so cute, I know I'm a "delicate fleur"
hmph, cool what you say about "trapped", will definitely keep that in mind for further works, thank you ... wondering why gumption does not fit though, too bad you couldn't isolate the reason, perhaps too throaty ...
Thank you again for taking the time to critique
... and thank you for helping me move on ...
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heheh you know I love doing it
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haunting... and beautiful... and very relateable.... amazing piece.
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thanks so much my dear!
I'm glad that you felt that you were able to relate to it (although not necessarily so in terms of feeling that way, know what I mean? 
oh, whatever, I'm weird
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i understand... just like a visual artist and their images....
i admire you not only for your skills as a writer, but you courage to write about even the most difficult and personal subjects.
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