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TrueishColours — The Water Cycle
Published: 2013-01-11 01:48:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 354; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 2
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Description You all know how the story goes.
‘The raindrops fall. The river flows.
‘The water travels to the sea,
‘And some of it is drunk by me.’

I think some drops aspire to be
The tears we shed for tragedy.
Imagine if they only knew
What happens once we’ve shed a few.

You’re water down the river now,
Significant as droplets’ flow.
You’re water under the bridge of sighs.
I’m waving you my last goodbyes.

To think, the water that we cry
Could be disposed of usefully.
Instead, the tears of pain we pour
Just have to cycle round once more.

Meanwhile, our hearts, whose avarice
Demanded tears for sacrifice,
Forget their grief, shrug off their pain,
And blithely learn to love again.

We’ve been sold down the river now,
Significant as droplets’ flow.
We’re flowing past the bridge of sighs.
My heart’s waving its last goodbyes.

The sighs that I once heaved for love:
As empty as the sky above.
The promises I sobbing gave:
Capricious as time’s toppling wave.

The river rushes on past me.
It rushes till it finds the sea.
Its waters will be drunk again,
And wept over successive men.

More water down the river now,
Significant as droplets’ flow.
They’re flowing past the bridge of sighs,
And waving us their last goodbyes.

It’s water down the river now.
Forgotten is each droplet’s flow.
Weep for them on the bridge of sighs,
Abandoned tears and last goodbyes.
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Comments: 9

SabasReflection [2013-01-11 18:58:35 +0000 UTC]

Well I know how this feels. I like how you link raindrops and tears here, and linking the themes of water and love is also quite effective. You certainly write lyrics in a way that's enviable!

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TrueishColours In reply to SabasReflection [2013-01-11 21:07:31 +0000 UTC]

Woah, you have added ALL my stuff! Thank you!
Have I made it clear that it's a sad poem about getting over stuff, not just a sad poem? And I'm glad that you like the link; the metaphor was pleasing when it occurred to me. ^_^

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SabasReflection In reply to TrueishColours [2013-01-11 21:19:51 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome! Yes, that was indeed clear. Getting over the sadness is a good message.

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TrueishColours In reply to SabasReflection [2013-01-11 22:39:51 +0000 UTC]

Nooo, it's meant to be about how SAD it is that we are CAPABLE of getting over sadness! Was that clear?

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SabasReflection In reply to TrueishColours [2013-01-11 22:41:54 +0000 UTC]

Reading this over again, I can say that yes, it's clear. I think your poem has many interpretations though.

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TrueishColours In reply to SabasReflection [2013-01-11 23:31:43 +0000 UTC]

Well, interpretations are always good. On the other hand, I was feeling so strongly about how sad it is that the things we care about are transient that I'm a bit sorry it didn't come through more powerfully. Do you think I could re-work the poem a bit?

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SabasReflection In reply to TrueishColours [2013-01-11 23:43:37 +0000 UTC]

You can rework the poem if you see an opportunity to improve it, but I think the poem is quite impressive as it is. I know you want your message to be more prominent in the poem, but the best poetry is that which is vague. With vague poetry you can appeal to a wider audience as more interpretations will be available for them to find. It's your call.

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TrueishColours In reply to SabasReflection [2013-01-12 11:09:13 +0000 UTC]

Hm, I'm not sure how I would rework it now anyway. And you're right, it's good to let the audience figure out some things for themselves instead of dictating exactly what you mean. Thanks very much for your advice, anyway!

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SabasReflection In reply to TrueishColours [2013-01-12 19:40:32 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

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