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Description
The world is beautiful yet all you see is gray, as if there's a filter in the middle between you and the world you see that makes it all gray and you know it should be beautiful, you know it should fill you with awe and joy and all the good things, and yet there is nothing. You might as well be in the middle of a desert, under the pure blue sky that should be beautiful too, actually, but... You are not capable of seeing it. You know it's there, it should be there, you should be seeing it, you should be smiling, you should be feeling all kinds of things, but you are empty - there is nothing, nothing at all you can feel, it has all drained away somewhere and none is pouring in.

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Available on physical items:
www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/1476…

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Made using Firealpaca (free program)
Using Alcohol line brush you can get for free on Firealpaca site.
And my ancient old friend - Wacom Intuous 4 I got in 2009, (my oldest living piece of tech, scratched all over, but still works).
Took me over 4 days to complete. (15th to 19th), which is crazy long, I know.

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Sorry, I have no energy to interact, it took me a week to finally submit this. I'll just leave it here and roll back into my hole.
Maybe will read comments on another time when I come, maybe not - because I'm a weak and sick poo poo and many of them make it extremely hard to share my meager attempts to make art and express what I've been going through and why I'm not here.

But I'm making some progress - I can cry now. To a point I get paranoid my heart will fail - it does these loud thump-thump sounds and my grandmother died from a heart failure, so that's freaky, but I can cry, that's something. It's a good thing to be able to cry, you feel a bit lighter after that, like something bad drained. I'm not saying it in a negative sense - it's great to be able to cry. Not for those around who would hear it, I imagine it's horrible - but to the one doing the crying - it feels a bit better after that.

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Description
The world is beautiful yet all you see is gray, as if there's a filter in the middle between you and the world you see that makes it all gray and you know it should be beautiful, you know it should fill you with awe and joy and all the good things, and yet there is nothing. You might as well be in the middle of a desert, under the pure blue sky that should be beautiful too, actually, but... You are not capable of seeing it. You know it's there, it should be there, you should be seeing it, you should be smiling, you should be feeling all kinds of things, but you are empty - there is nothing, nothing at all you can feel, it has all drained away somewhere and none is pouring in.

--

Available on physical items:
www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/1476…

--

Made using Firealpaca (free program)
Using Alcohol line brush you can get for free on Firealpaca site.
And my ancient old friend - Wacom Intuous 4 I got in 2009, (my oldest living piece of tech, scratched all over, but still works).
Took me over 4 days to complete. (15th to 19th), which is crazy long, I know.

--

Sorry, I have no energy to interact, it took me a week to finally submit this. I'll just leave it here and roll back into my hole.
Maybe will read comments on another time when I come, maybe not - because I'm a weak and sick poo poo and many of them make it extremely hard to share my meager attempts to make art and express what I've been going through and why I'm not here.

But I'm making some progress - I can cry now. To a point I get paranoid my heart will fail - it does these loud thump-thump sounds and my grandmother died from a heart failure, so that's freaky, but I can cry, that's something. It's a good thing to be able to cry, you feel a bit lighter after that, like something bad drained. I'm not saying it in a negative sense - it's great to be able to cry. Not for those around who would hear it, I imagine it's horrible - but to the one doing the crying - it feels a bit better after that.

---