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tsukiyo-art — I still feel his touch....
#abuse #borderline #desperate #desperation #digital #disorder #fear #post #ptsd #sad #sadness #semi #sexual #stress #touch #trauma #traumatic #cptsd #art #realism
Published: 2014-11-07 10:11:15 +0000 UTC; Views: 18583; Favourites: 39; Downloads: 0
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Feeling his touch. Every time again. After he used you, took you, raped you for so many years.It still feels like it was just yesterday...
I just.. can't forget..
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Comments: 30
You will be able to feel safe and clean again some day. You are beautiful. Thank you for making this. Expressing yourself through your art is so good. You'll heal and get through your pains
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Thank you very much... healing is such a difficult process..
Sometimes it gets better.. then it's worse then before... It takes so much effort an energy, but it's worth it.
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It's a cycle that you gotta break. But once you break the cycle, there will still be bad times where you have nightmares or have to stop being intestate with someone, or have a paranoia. But you will heal and feel better. Trust me. I'm going through the same shit and it sucks. But healing is so important.
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It really is...
I have a 2,5 years old daughter.. and now I know how hard I have to heal. Sometimes when she gets 'difficult' flashbacks are taking me over. And I'm scared.
Really scared. When I do her in bath I got flashbacks, when I walk her downstairs, when she cries, when I change her diaper. Thoughts and pictures coming in front of my eyes. Scary ones.. deformed. The same as I have experienced. The things.. he did to me.. the things my parents did to me, the bullies at school. All those aggression, abuse. In my mind I am the abuser and she is the victim. I do this things to HER in my mind. And they seem so real... I have to heal... fast... I can't be the mom I want to be. I want to be the best possible mom I can be.. But it still controls me... It still haunts me..
I hope you will heal as fast as possible.. I really do...
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It's horrible that you get flashes like that. I can understand that though 
Don't try to heal fast. Don't try to force yourself to get through it all right away. I know you want to for your daughter but if you are thinking "I need to stop having flashbacks in two months" (example), it wont work. You will just add more stress and anxiety to yourself and then feel weak and hate yourself if you do not complete that time goal. Healing takes time, and it's different for everyone. One of the things I've had to drill into my mind is patience. Being patient with myself, being patient with my healing, being patient with my pain. I will heal and it is a slow process. Rome was not built in a day, Rome was not built in two months, Rome was not built in a year. Treat yourself gently, you've been hurt, and it's hard to heal a wound that is so large and so deep, especially one that has been continually made. It's okay to grieve for your past self, take as much time as you need. Dont set a time limit to your healing and progress. Instead keep a journal (can be for everything like a diary or specifically a trauma journal where you just write about your trauma and how you are healing and updates like dreams or no dreams or visions and when you have anxiety and what triggered it and how you calm yourself down and etc) keep a journal and write down what you are doing to heal and what is happening concerning your trauma. Just try to make one small improvement every week or every month. It doesn't have to be a big change like putting an end to the awful images where you are the victim. Maybe just discovering what triggers you can be your goal for a month, then the next month finding coping skills to calm you down after being triggered. And if you don't complete the goal in a month, then you simply need the next month to figure it out and be more thorough. <3
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I will....
I do my best.. everyday! 
I'm busy working on a book... I write and draw for it..
And I have a little scrapbook I use...
Thank you very very much...
Every step is a step further.
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<3 I'd love to read that book some day. would you ever be willing to post snippets of it or send some to me?
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When I finished it I hope I can sell it. But it's dutch. Maybe I can translate it later
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oh wow. You should definitely translate it 
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I'll try my best ^^ But I would let someone else translate it.
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Do you see a counselor?
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Sadly yes... we can only learn to deal with it...
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still learning through decades.
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I hope that you can ever give it a 'place' ...
It's difficult...
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Is she a semi realism of a person or an original character?
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She is a original character
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She's lovely. Remembering an old love?
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No old love... a old friend who used her...
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He should be prank called
youtu.be/Ke0Z37MhONQ
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Found those by accident, thought they were funny. Except one prank to a suicide prevention hotline, that was an asshole thing to do.
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That's really terrible... It's a really serious thing.. so no pranks with that!
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Yes, that was a bad one. Another, however, was trolling a Christian hotline, and the person was saying 'no, you're beliefs are wrong. My beliefs are right'.
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Oh gosh... Beliefs.. I don't like it at all...
I believe in the things I see, I feel and I want to believe... and nothing else.
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The arguments, not at all. If only we could all engage in scholarly debate.
"My god is better than yours, my reasoning is thus."
"I assert your God has faults which mine does not."
And then they all play a sporty game and have tea XD
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Nothing for me... xD
As long as some people can laugh about it. I think it's okay.
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Agreed 
ISIS is determined to put an end to such ideals though. The world is better off without men such as those who believe destruction is the only recourse for a perfect world.
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I never heard of ISIS...
I hope that they put an end then...
The wars and everything around it is just ridiculous.
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To say ISIS and a widespread Ebola pandemic are the worst fears of our current generations is not an exaggeration.
The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) is the culmination of the worst of Islamic extremism. They are cruel to their enemies, to women, to children, to men, all who do not abide their laws and their God are punished for not following absolutely.
They are bullies with poor justifications for their actions, and most Islamics deny them.
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