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unenglishable — Coffee-fueled Rage
Published: 2013-01-23 09:07:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 753; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 23
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Description
fingers blazing away,
while(1) {
taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap; // fingers
taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap; // blazing
taptaptaptaptap; // away,
taptap; // \n\n
taptaptaptaptap; // while
taptaptap; // (1)
taptap; // {
};
insomniacly feeding the page
with characters
words and phrases
clips of code or
poetic blunders
// thankgodfor the [<-backspace] key
// iwonderhow i would getby withoutit
/*
* Maybe I should just
* delete everything...
* It would make life
* a whole lot easier.
*/
Related content
Comments: 28
I should start by saying that I am versed in the matter spoken of, albeit not extremely so. It was surely a good and unique touch to the entry, no puns intended. While that added an extra dimension to the poem, I assume it was a poem, it simultaneously affected the general expression in that there were fewer actual words. The submission could work better as a visual poem. I will admit that it is a very unusual and thoughtful work as a whole. I would like to see a culmination of the two ideas as a poem with visual effects like this plus more words, if that is possible. Carry on writing.
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Thanks for the critique.
Yes, I've received other comments saying that is might be better off as visual poetry. The original intent was free-verse, but it was interesting to see that so many people saw it as visual.
If I decide to do more work in this sort of format, I will definitely think about the subtle changes I can make to either keep it a little closer to free-verse. (or maybe even to write as visual poetry)
I agree that there are few actual words in this work, and I realized that at the beginning... It was okay to me because this was largely an experimental piece and I wanted to see what critics would say about it. I'll definitely integrate more content into future works.
Once again, thank you for taking the time to critique my work!
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Nothing really wrong with experimentation. Lol
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Hey there,
Prettyflour here on behalf of a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/o/p… " alt=" " title="PoeticalCondition" /> with the critique you requested.
I’d like to start by answering your questions.
**Assuming that you aren't well-versed in programming languages, does this hinder your ability to understand the key themes and underlying message of this poem?
I consider myself slightly well versed in programming language and I don’t think it would hinder someone who wasn’t as familiar. For me, I think the way you structured this and used slashes, and * was great! It gave the poem a very… visual appeal. It made me think you could categorize this as Visual or Concrete Poetry.
** So you think I should (or need to) include information that lets readers know the technical details of what I've written, or should I leave it as it is, leaving the interpretation up to the reader?
No, I don’t think that would be necessary at all. I would leave it as is.
** From the perspective of free-verse poetry, do you think this poem makes good use of the lack of traditionally structured form?
As I mentioned above, I feel this could be considered Visual or Concrete Poetry, but, of course, Free Verse could apply as well.
** what did you think about this poem when you read it the first time?
I felt like I had drank like… four cups of coffee! Ha ha. It reminded me of times that I had stayed up late- jacked up on caffeine, sitting with my laptop and pounding away on the keys in a moment where…I had so much to get out.
On to my personal critique! Your title is so apt, just perfect for this poem. I like your use of repetition- the taptaptaptap gave a sense a urgency, which hooked me in and made me want to read more!
Ultimately, I totally enjoyed this, it made me want to read more of your work!
I hope this was helpful and if you’d like to discuss, please feel free to reply!
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Thank you for taking the time to critique my poetry!
Yes, it appears that I am approaching visual poetry. However, as these are elements of coding, I consider them to be part of language, as they play a functional role; modifying the meaning of the work instead of just adding visual appeal. It actually took me a while to respond because I had to think about how to explain this.
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Sometimes I like poetry. More often I don't. Admittedly, I'm not full of respect for the medium, so I think it takes I lot to wow me. It was really refreshing to read something that wasn't written in a mimicked style or that was put through the writing version of an instragram filter. I really liked the the stylistic and formatting choices you made. I think art is meant to touch us, and you managed to touch me on a couple of different levels. Technology is really ingrained in our lives, and it's hard to tell what your writing in the poem, and that's part of what really got me. I'm sure most artist have looked at something they where in the process of and wondered how to fix their blunder.
Wonderful piece overall.
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Thank you for that wonderful review.
There are some technical elements of coding in the poem, so you can ask me if you were concerned with any of that.
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As someone unfamiliar with coding, I did not notice. However, I don't see it as much of a concern because of the line about backspacing.
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Now that I think about it, a single clue is probably enough to let readers know that the poem is about typing on the computer... Thank you, that is reassuring.
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This piece is strong and the title fits well.
The repetition of the first section works wonderfully to show the subject's frustration. It also helps to give the effect of caffeine induced jitters that are disrupting the subject's though process.
The presence of the symbols throughout the piece make it easier to picture the subject actually typing away through the thought process of trying to write when the words just will not come.
It carries an echo of writer's block and uncertainty of how to express the images that are pressing at the back of your eyelids:
// thankgodfor the [<-backspace] key
// iwonderhow i would getby withoutit
In all reality, it is a piece that many writers could easily identify with. At least, I certainly can.
This really is a wonderful piece of poetry.
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Thanks for the awesome review
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This Critique is on behalf of
I... I just don't know how to Critique this.
I don't know whether I should laugh or be confused.
It's like the title suggests... I feel like you slammed an entire pot of coffee and then tried to write a poem and then suffered a stroke on your keyboard. XD
I can definitely give this a 4/5 though, this is definitely an original piece and it made me laugh, and I wasn't expecting this at all. lol
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That's interesting; I never thought it would make people laugh, but I'm glad you enjoyed it in your own way. Thank you for you insight!
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This is awesome. I've actually wanted to do something like this for a while!
It has a really clean feel to it, and I think it flows well enough to work as free verse poetry.
(but you left the curly bracket open!
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Perhaps there is an error in your parsing algorithm?
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//oh
//I can't believe I missed that xD
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lol it's fine
Thanks for speaking up though!
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Good sir or Madame...
I do not leave curly brackets open.
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Thank you, kind sir or madam.
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I think I feel like a madam today. Either way, though, I'm procrastinating so hard on my php assignments that I'm reading writing in code. I think that might be ironic, but that could just be the Alanis Morissette inside of me.
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Alright then madame
I encourage you to get your php assignment finished, as web design is an important part of a balanced breakfast (in terms of technical skills). It may be the good advice, that you just didn't take - if you know what I mean.
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I know, I know... 
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Ah, problems with the Structured Query Language...
Yes, the implementations tend to be very.. involved.
Anyway, I'm procrastinating on my own work with microelectronic circuits by writing poems, so I need to get back to that as well.
Good luck with un-procrastination!
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