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Sometimes he’d tear up mid conversation.
Sometimes he’d stare aimlessly at a wall until he was forced back into consciousness by someone calling his name.
Sometimes he’d deliberately walk to the roof of buildings just to think.
Sometimes he’d curse himself.
Sometimes he’d cry into non-existent arms offering little comfort.
Sometimes he’d wake up thinking he heard her.
Sometimes he’d wake to hold his family. But they were not there.
These are things you noticed. These were things that wore you down and made you conscious of the doctor constantly. But nobody said why, why he was so down.
And you didn’t want to ask.
“Y/n you’re staring.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.” The one and only Captain Kirk pipes interrupting your view of the blue shirt sitting at the opposite end of the table. His nose was deep in his pile of paperwork, silently mumbling as he filed form after form.
“I must have blanked out again.” You sigh returning to doodling in the sketchbook below you.
“Ahuh.” Kirk frowns leaning onto the desk with his hip, adjusting just enough so you both could watch the doctor.
You divert your gaze and return to your doodle. “Captain, why are you here?” You ask.
“I want you on my crew.” He deadpans leaving you speechless. “But, it would mean you have to work with Bones.”
“That’s not a problem.” You reply happily.
“Are you sure? If you keep up that blush he might have to check your vitals.” Kirk teases with a smirk.
“Capitan, I’m sure I can handle my little crush.” You shrug. He sighs.
“Look, I think you guys would hit it off. I really do. But he’s just gone through a divorce and you should know there won’t be any returned affections. McCoy tries to act like it can be forgotten, but he struggles.” The Capitan squeezes your forearm in confidence, “He’ll like to know you’re on board though. He personally asked for you. It’s a privilege” Kirk walks off leaving another wave of heat to grace your cheeks as you smile into your lap.
“Thanks cap’” You mumble to no one in particular as you allow yourself a selfish thought.
Doctor McCoy was single.
You place the pen in your mouth and look up to the person your eyes automatically follow. He nodded as Kirk lent over him talking while he worked. Bones looked up at Kirk at the mention of something. His mouth frowned and his brow creased in disapproval. Kirk then shrugged and even from this distance you saw your name being pronounced.
Bones gave a visual sigh which made you die on the inside. You weren’t that bad were you? The mere idea that you were hated by your favourite person on the Enterprise made you sad. So you returned to doodling. About five minutes after, you gained enough courage to look up again.
You found both the Capitan and the doctor looking over. Kirk wore a smirk that was plastered to his face most of the time and McCoy with a soft smile.
You waved.
They laughed.
God, you couldn’t have been more embarrassed. Quickly you gather your stuff and hurry out the library. While escaping your mind reeled with embarrassment. WHAT THE HELL’D YOU DO THAT FOR?

Pacing.
You were waiting in the Med-bay of the Enterprise. Reporting for duty an hour before you needed to left you a long period of time to waste. You spent it pacing.
There was something therapeutic about it, the slow pace of a constant room to help you think. So yes, you paced for a full hour. Or until the door slid open and you instantly froze and turned to the doorway.
“Captain.” You sigh slowly de-tensing and regaining a slight shuffle.
“Expecting someone else?” He smiled knowing for well that you were waiting for McCoy.
“Yes.” You shrug, “I have to be the doctor’s assistant and it is quite difficult to be that without our good doctor.”
“Speak of the devil.” James nods as the door opened and a blue shirt entered with a sigh.
“Hello.” He addressed.
“Bones.”
“Doctor.”
He stood tall in his uniform, straight and proud. Leonard briefly glances at his captain before turning to you. As per uniform requirements, you wore a mid thigh dress that tightly hugged your curves, it was blue, matching the doctors and shone with a brand new sheen on the fabric. McCoy, however donned a less vibrant one.
His eyes scanned you like you were his most intriguing project, something he intended to crack.
“I’m glad you came, I needed a new assistant.” He explained.
“She’s happy to help.” Kirk replied in your favour, “Aren’t you, y/n?”
“It’s an honour working with you, Doctor McCoy.” You smile, you were happy to be here.
“Please call me Leonard.” He insisted, “I hate formalities.”
“Aw, you’re so cute together.” Kirk teased clasping his hands together and shrugging his shoulders.
You were bright red.

“Scalpel” He demands holding out a gloved palm.
“Scalpel.” You repeat cheerily, placing the blade carefully in his palm.
“Adrenalin”
“Adrenalin” you hand over a syringe this time, he nods thankfully, returning to his work promptly. This continued for around an hour. You handed and received things, you even held the guys lung at one point. In the last attack the storage was hit hard, Jared, the kid under sedatives, was brutally trapped between fuel canisters. A pole skewered him through his left lung. Not pretty. So Bones was in the middle of replacing it, thank god for technology these days.
Jared was on the full road to recovery once the doctor had resealed his surgical incision, no scarring to be seen.
“Cloth” he whispered with a following sigh, you repeated him and handed him a blue sham-wow type cloth to clean up the wound. You watched his practised hands work swiftly, he knew exactly what he was doing. That’s why he only required himself and his assistant in the surgery while he worked. But you knew he’d never brag about how good he was, he was too modest.
“Hands” he asked, shrugging down his blue shirt again and outstretching his hands.
“What?” you ask for clarification, your head tilts and he chuckles lightly.
“You’re hands, please.”
You oblige, letting him take your hands in his and gently remove the gloves. “You did well today.” You say, he always did well, but you felt the need to tell him anyway.
“All thanks to you, I’d be lost without you darling.” He smiles tossing your gloves before ridding his own from his hands.
“You would’ve been fine. You’re a genius sir.” You laugh he rolls his eyes playfully.
“You’re too kind.” He pauses to think, “Well, to me anyway.” There was a wink accompanying that. You almost choked on the air.
“Why is that?” You question automatically, frankly you were afraid he’d tell you off. No, you scald, he’s way too adorable for that.
“You keep looking at me like you want to tear my clothes of (y/n).” he smirked as you blush like mad.
“I’m not the only one who does.” You were going for humour, something to distract him from the fact you were about to hyperventilate.
“You’re the only one I’d let do it though.” McCoy became serious, seductive. So different to anything you’d ever seen him be.
“Oh.” is all you manage before a weary sigh escapes the doctor.
“Damn it (y/n), I love you.” He looks up pleadingly, hoping you didn’t scare off.
“Please don’t screw around Bones, it’s not funny.”
“Why would I do that to you?” He walked forwards, backing you up towards the wall.
“I’m not the pretty one, and people have screwed me over so often, just don’t. Not you. You’re the one I really care for and now you’re playing this awful trick on me.” Your back hits the wall, McCoy doesn’t retreat. You ramble more, and more, and more and he smiles. Lines crinkling at the corners of his eyes, his hand cups your chin and mid ramble he cuts you off with a smooth, and delicate kiss. You breathe him in, the warm musky scent of this amazing man you fell in love with. He pulls away, quickly stealing another before letting you go.
“I’ll see you later.” He smiles lovingly. You watch him trot from the room holding his hands behind his back.
“Bye…” you whisper retracing your lips with your thumb replaying his kiss again in your head. Giddy with adrenalin you leave for your quarters much looking forward to seeing the good doctor again.