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unordinalwhimsey — Devotion
Published: 2012-06-15 04:59:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 474; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 3
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Description
On the fifth of November I heard a loud shriekT'was a cry of despair, a baby mouse squeak
A mountain of angels came down from above
To hear of the racket, their beloved young's love.
An answer was met by a mole in a cape,
The angels did follow by the cloth at his nape.
Blindly the mole, carved in a pace,
Quicker than lightning, by the prod of Light's gates.
All of a sudden, from all sides around
The keeper was tapping on the bridge below ground
Hoping the moat bridge would lower to see
The baby mouse rescued from misery.
Near and far all did come
The termites surrounded,
Sworn by the sun;
A path they did trod,
From North to southeast
To the baby's fine call,
A bunion retreat.
Wrapped in a sock and carried inside
The mice were bewildered, by the aids' absence of pride.
"Come with me dear fellows, you brave souls at heart.
I'll bring you to heaven, the gates are apart."
The blind mole of cape, said "No, I must stay,
For the little one needs me, and the sea bird will slay."
Fight for the broken, but also fight for Thee
Because love and companions only come once for yee.
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Comments: 18
And out of depression comes great beauty. God bless you, Emmie. And I hope this depression doesn't last.
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I'm so glad to see you back! I was thinking about you the last two days! 
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I'm happy to be back, and see you as well! And I'm elated to hear you're doing well. I hope the feeling persists.
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My heart has been challenged lately, for the better
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I understand. And the real struggle comes from trying to make something positive of such trials. I do not doubt your ability to do so.
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in weakness we are made strong through Christ. 
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To be honest, it reminds me slightly of the poetry of George Herbert and the other metaphysical poets of the 17thC, who often used images of nature and/or science to convey the higher truths of philosophy or theology; at first, I thought the mole was meant to represent Jesus. The last two lines reminded me of the closing lines of a sonnet, summarising the whole message of the piece. I really enjoyed it.
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Haha, Why thank you! Your feedback is appreciated, I'll have to look up George Herbert!
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I take it this piece is not depressing at all but was inspired by the state of depression itself, which is understandable because when I purposely churn horrible memories, etc. around in my head, I find it brings out more beautiful things as opposed to the darker things.
The second stanza is an expected one from you, always very random and quirky with your ideas, even what you rhyme. It's somehow funny but interesting.
I like the third stanza because it's almost cinematic, to have the mouse be saved by the bridge. I could see the whole thing in action as I read it.
However, I think this piece should have been in the Free-verse category, not Traditional Fixed Forms. Just because you follow a rhyme scheme doesn't necessarily make it a traditional setup or poem. Your lines are not consistent at times, per se, 4-line stanzas mixed with 3 and 2-lined parts. Aside from that I enjoyed the read.
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Thanks Siryan, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll change the category
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Something significant about the 5th of November? Is that a Guy Fawkes reference???
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haha, no, I just didn't want to say the date that it really was...
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Some private things are best left... Private.
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Depression poetry? Maybe I understood it wrong, because it had me smiling inside! Mouse, mole, termites & sea birds....
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Not okay! Tis brilliant!
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