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ursulav ā€” Blackbeard's Rugged Tampons [NSFW]

Published: 2006-09-18 22:29:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 100770; Favourites: 3631; Downloads: 336
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Description I am female.

I am not girly. I am desperately ungirly. I look good in pink, but I feel guilty about it. For various reasons*, I would sooner belly-crawl through broken glass than buy anything marketed "for girls!" or "for women!" And I resent the fact that feminine products have me, as it were, by the short hairs in this regard.

And so, a year or so ago, I decided that I wanted a new brand of tampon. Something that was not girly, that was not pastel, that did not have flowers, and which did not make my ovaries curl up and die of shame. I do not mind having a period--I'd rather not, but eh, goes with the territory--but I detest the marketing.

It's time for a rugged new brand. A brand no one will ever call "girly." A brand you can take to the checkout counter and meet the clerk's eye while you buy it, and if they say a word, you have 'em tied to the mast and flogged.

Blackbeard the Pirate's Rugged Tampons. A product you can trust, from a name you can't!
-----------------------------

You can buy prints of this for $10 and $20, plus shipping. You almost certainly won't, I realize, unless you have a penchant for bathroom decor that sends your houseguests out of the room looking slightly green, but on the off chance that you are that strange person, you can send me a note or visit [link] to order!

(Yes, yes, booty jokes, I know...)

*The fact I wasn't allowed to have a Skeletor action figure as a child being chief among them...
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Comments: 1317

ChronoGandit [2017-09-19 08:21:07 +0000 UTC]

This is hilariously and shockingly rough and tough.

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kitalia-emme [2016-05-26 02:58:53 +0000 UTC]

I love this, absolutely love this. It crushes me how pink and flowery the world is as a way of putting labels on people. I wish this was a tampon brand, because that is one I would totally get behind.

Sad thing is, for the same reason that 'girls can't' I worry about my son, who wants to be an actor and a dancer, and has already heard the words 'boys don't'

I feel your pain from two different angles and generations.Ā 

We need a company like this, not just tampons, but undergarments, swimwear, and other specifically female items that we all end up needing at some time or another.Ā 

I cannot love this enough.

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DanRStevenson [2016-01-08 12:09:00 +0000 UTC]

Best commercial ad ever!

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Keyrel6202 [2014-10-13 00:05:03 +0000 UTC]

There is NOTHING flowery and happy about my period.

It's painful, it's disgusting, and I hate it. I don't use tampons. :' I don't see a reason to. I mean...It's not like I'm going to swim or anything. =^= For pete's sake, I'm usually curled up in the FETAL POSITION IN SEARING PAIN for the first TWO DAYS. After that, I'm like "Don't TOUCH me, don't LOOK at me, DON'T MAKE ME MOVE. ".

But anyway....I shall never understand why they're always like happy and free and stuff in the advertising for these things.

And the ones with scented stuff...NOPE. 8I I DON'T want to find out if I inherited my mom's inability to handle most perfumes THAT way, thank you! I might be uncomfortable in my period, but I DON'T need to add ANYTHING ELSE to it, thanks!

.....that said, pads being advertised with pirate stuff would just be AWESOME. oUo

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Kim-Bryan-Art [2014-07-21 18:45:34 +0000 UTC]

Love the slogan! I know how you feel about that action figure -as a teen I was into Lego Bionicle in which everyone looks like a robot! I got sets, but it was horrendously awkward.

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DragonXBird [2014-07-21 17:57:11 +0000 UTC]

IĀ  enjoy girly sometimes, but I don't think anything dealing with blood should be girly. I would definitely buy these. Does Blackbeard do pads as well?

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doryishness [2014-07-13 07:28:44 +0000 UTC]

You underestimate my penchant for weirding out my house guests. As soon as I get my paycheck next week, I'm buying this and hanging it in my bathroom. I've always wanted it and now that I've paid off all my bills, I'm getting it.Ā 

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sesmyczek [2014-02-12 18:50:30 +0000 UTC]

Clever, witty, hilarious and two fingers up to stereo-typical female branding. awesome

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PookyGurl [2014-02-08 19:43:32 +0000 UTC]

hysterical!! I would so buy them

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theflashisgone [2013-11-25 05:47:26 +0000 UTC]

This is awesome. I want these.

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Tao-mell [2013-11-20 03:44:49 +0000 UTC]

This totally made my day . I would definitely buy these!

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Lady-Angelkitten [2013-10-24 17:31:03 +0000 UTC]

I NEED THESE. THESE NEED TO BE REAL.

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Hardrockangel [2013-07-11 16:33:57 +0000 UTC]

This is absolutely brilliant.

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OFroakieStarO [2013-07-04 22:18:29 +0000 UTC]

Why the Mature Content?

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OFroakieStarO In reply to OFroakieStarO [2013-07-05 00:19:16 +0000 UTC]

Forget that. I see now. XD

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Raqonteur [2013-05-14 00:11:08 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha.
Brilliant.
I was gonna say tongue-in-cheek... but given the subject matter I'd probably better not

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LaYeobright [2013-04-05 05:21:43 +0000 UTC]

"Blackbeard's Rugged Tamp- wait, what?? *clicky* .....*SNORT* AHAHAHAHA!" If I were ever to buy tampons, it'd have to be these! xD

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MissSparkle1 [2013-03-06 21:15:17 +0000 UTC]

lol, I just took my brother's action men when I wanted to play with them. Advantage of having a brother that doesn't mind you doing so, meaning I didn't need to ask for 'boy' toys. I'd just ask for the 'girl' ones and then mix them with his. much more fun, lol. Not that I was very girly, I loved outside games and building dens, going on adventures ect.

Heh, I can't help but feel that if this product was real, there would be a lot of boys accidently picking it up before realised what it was. Some might not even look at it properly until they got a funny look at the till. Although it would make it easier for guys ordered by their girlfriends/sisters, ect to pick up tampons.

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Keyrel6202 [2013-01-17 06:29:27 +0000 UTC]

I'd go without the period, or at least the cramps if it was up to me. OnO And I never did understand why they always have frilly, fu-fu, girly marketing for femanine things like tampons and pads. What's so pretty about one's period? I'm an emotional MESS during that time. Not to mention constantly tired...

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OFroakieStarO In reply to Keyrel6202 [2013-07-05 00:19:49 +0000 UTC]

I know how you feel.

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DrTeaRex [2012-11-30 12:10:37 +0000 UTC]

roflmao. This is awesome. I know quite a few people who would gladly buy this if it were an actual product xD

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DelphiPsmith [2012-08-31 00:51:36 +0000 UTC]

LMAO! This is brill...

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MajaDalgaard [2012-08-09 13:16:54 +0000 UTC]

This just made my day, thank you!

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KuraiApocalyptaX [2012-07-09 04:46:42 +0000 UTC]

I need to buy these.. To put them on my bathroom counter and make people wonder c:

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DamselStock [2012-07-08 18:10:33 +0000 UTC]

This needs to exist on the shelf next to Boudreaux's Butt Paste diaper rash cream (it's a real product!) I just love this so much...

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SherlockianHamps [2012-07-01 14:27:12 +0000 UTC]

Sales pitch please ;_; these need to exist.

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KissofCrimson [2012-06-13 03:30:26 +0000 UTC]

I saw this and laughed my ass off. Great idea.

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KhaelHawkins [2012-05-19 07:19:34 +0000 UTC]

My friends refer to that time of the month as shark week. This is awesome.

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SpookyKook [2012-05-04 21:47:15 +0000 UTC]

I am utterly terrified of tampons (many a scary lecture of the dangers of TSS as a young git), but I would buy these. If only to say I had them.

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zoedow1120 [2012-05-02 21:41:50 +0000 UTC]

lol

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AnnePeck [2012-04-05 20:12:34 +0000 UTC]

my feelings exactly. Love it

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this-is-an-outrage [2012-03-23 02:51:16 +0000 UTC]

LOL. I totally agree with the comment. I hate the girliness, even though I am feminine looking and shit. I would buy these. All the time.

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Renaiya [2012-03-22 20:18:27 +0000 UTC]

This has got to be the best product ad I've ever seen, even counting real ones. Why don't you pitch this to Tampax, or one of the other brands?

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NoChristmasJokesPlz [2012-01-08 16:36:47 +0000 UTC]

XD When I walk up to the counter, I meet the clerk's eye, especially if they're male, and just say with my eyes "Yes, my vajayjay bleeds every month, wanna fight about it? CUZ I'M IN NO MOOD, MAN. NO F***KING MOOD."

NO SKELETOR?! BLASPHEMY. XD I played with my brother's action figures (mostly Power Rangers and Max Steel) more than I played with my Barbies past the five years old mark. I started playing with my Barbies again when I was, maybe, eight. >D My favorite thing to play with them with was my "Redneck Guillotine." It was a clipboard and a shovel. I'd clip Barbie's pretty blonde hair to the board, stand over her, and chop her head off by slamming the blade of the shovel down as hard as I could. Good times.

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crunchfarm [2012-01-01 16:43:17 +0000 UTC]

OMg i LOVE this you have an amazing sense of humor!

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13thFallenAngel [2011-11-29 16:53:47 +0000 UTC]

It's been years since I've favved this but I still love this to death!

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onegoldenapple [2011-11-10 05:30:02 +0000 UTC]

This is the best thing ever.
I would totally buy this brand, if I had to pick one.

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Tainted-Oktober [2011-11-02 16:38:20 +0000 UTC]

I'm thinking of buying this for my friend for Christmas! (hopefully, my financial aid will kick in before then) : /

I adore this!

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Xarratha [2011-09-17 16:49:56 +0000 UTC]

If I had money, I would buy a print of this. If. :/

Possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen, IN MY LIFE. Made my day.

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amerime [2011-09-04 18:08:52 +0000 UTC]

OMG, I sympathize so hard. BTW, I think I might be the kind of person who might hang this in her bathroom for laughs . . .

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I-am-the-Zombie [2011-08-24 07:02:08 +0000 UTC]

You need a line of pads too!

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DaFloofles [2011-08-11 18:12:39 +0000 UTC]

....pfffffft X'D

YOU HAVE JUST MADE MY DAY

YOU REALLY DID

IN FACT

THIS PALES EVERY OTHER DAY MY DAY WAS MADE WITH ART


I WANT THIS ON MY WALL.

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skyrere [2011-07-31 11:18:37 +0000 UTC]

I love you for this. XD
Totally female here, and also completely repelled by the "not so fresh" marketing.
Why do all the PROBLEMS men have get marketed vague with no details but that it's for men, and commercials for women come right out and say "Does your Vag stink? Try Masengil douche!"
rofl
Once I have a job, I am definitly going to order this from you... Maybe as a T-shirt XD

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dongzhongshu [2011-07-29 21:15:20 +0000 UTC]

Absolutely epic!
I'd love to see you do the same for condoms.

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electricdawn [2011-07-24 17:31:28 +0000 UTC]

this is the most hilarious thing I've seen in a long time!

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sbalesuperstar [2011-07-17 04:08:43 +0000 UTC]

You know, I never HAVE liked buying girly supplies mostly because of the check-out line because it always seems so awkward, but I could totally buy these with pride. SOMEBODY MAKE THESE NOW.

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Vaumn [2011-07-15 09:28:58 +0000 UTC]

hahaha that and the text; you are wonderfull!! love it love it love it!

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FreelancerWolfy [2011-07-05 00:37:03 +0000 UTC]

I would buy those.

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Zhon [2011-07-02 17:33:35 +0000 UTC]

All the tomboys like me would buy these!!!

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Thornwitch1 [2011-06-19 23:17:39 +0000 UTC]

I would SO buy those. And if I didn't share a bathroom with a house-mate, I would buy that print and (yes) hang it in my bathroom.

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